Need Advice

[Vonmiller]

So Kelly and I have dated in the past(roughly 3 years ago). It was short-lived but we both care for each other and were intimate a few times. Recently, we reconnected through a mutual friend. So we started talking again. Apparently she just got out of a serious relationship 2 months ago. The relationship was over a year long. The guy also had a young daughter with whom she fell in love with as well. So when the guy broke it off with her when she needed him the most she actually lost two people close to her heart. Anyways, we started talking and I asked her if she wanted to give us another shot. She said it would be nice to hangout and get to know each other again and see what happens but she wasn't sure if she was ready for a relationship. I agreed. So we talked and texted for a few weeks. Talked about 5 year plans kids, marriage the whole works. Later on we went out to dinner and things went well, had nice good night kiss. We ended up hanging out a few more times but the physical part never went beyond making out. We ended up having a talk about where things were between us. She told me she thought I liked her more than she liked me. And all her friends were telling her she shouldn't be with anyone right now and just focus on herself. She said she didn't know what to do. She was still trying to develop more feelings for me. Well hearing this caught me a little off guard because I thought things were going in the right direction. I told her I really liked her and that she was special to me. I also asked her if she saw us potentially in a relationship down the road and she said she didn't know yet but was worried that the feelings wouldn't come. So trying to find answers I came across an article online about women that are emotionally unavailable. I asked her about it and she said she still missed her ex but would never get back with him and could never trust him again. I guess my question to her was is it me? or Do you think she needs more time to get over her relationship? She did say she can't make anyone else happy because she is not happy with herself. I've always cared for her and see a future with her but she isn't reciprocating the same feelings as I am. Should I keep hanging out with her and see where it goes? Or should I just end it and tell her to come find me if she wants a relationship which is ultimately what I want? I don't want to end up in the friend zone! Maybe I came on too strong. Haha shit I'm a mess.

[halfandhalf12]

I am familiar with the situation you are in, and it isn't uncommon. To put it bluntly, as you already know, its a pretty sucky position for you to be in. First things first, you can't force feelings, so she has to have them or develop them on her own. This is tough for you because you could be the most amazing person and do the most amazing things, but if she doesn't have the feelings for you, it's not going to get you anywhere, and could potentially jeopardize things because she may feel as though she can't reciprocate those amazing acts of love and kindness, and feel inferior. She seems to have a lot going on in her mind, and if she is saying she thinks you like her more than she likes you, that is a bad sign. In fact, in my experience, that sticks in the mind of a woman as "clinginess", and that's no good. My honest advice would be to back your way out. She knows how much you like her, and she needs to figure herself out. After all, you can't love someone else until you love yourself. She doesn't seem to love herself right now, and therefore, you need to allow her the time to work on that. Once she loves herself she will think more clearly than she ever could right now, and even better, her "entire" self will be available for you, instead of only part of her being available for you. If you want to avoid the "friend zone", you need to distance yourself and leave it alone for now. Go out and do things, and as she sorts herself out, if he feelings are going to be true for you, then they will come alive and she will come back to you. If she doesn't, you probably saved yourself a lot of heartache. Let her fall in love with you again.....that's the kind of relationship you want....not one where you will feel as though you are so in love with her, yet have to question her love for you. Neither of you deserve a relationship like that. Good Luck to you!

[michelle23]

She needs to be alone and grieve the loss of the previous relationship and take her time to heal before she can fall in love again. I suggest you let her go and if you meet again in 6-12 months time-she might be in a better place emotionally.

[Vonmiller]

I think ya'll are right. She needs more time from her past relationship. She might have been getting lonely being without a guy in her life that she thought maybe it would help to get over him is what I was thinking. She has been through a lot and not just from her previous b/f. I borrowed a few books from her that I still have to I will end up running in to her. I'm going to put a little note in the book or just tell her that I will be there if she needs me. I was almost tempted to get ahold of her today just to see how everything was going but didn't. She also said that she hoped to hear from me once in awhile. Thanks for the advice.

[michelle23]

Let her go have a rebound with someone else-and then she will be ready for you. Its the best way