I don't want to have to ask her...

[whipsnchains]

I have a specific thing I would like my GF to do (if details are needed I can provide...) but I feel it would be lesened by my asking.

But I know she has no clue that I want it, and so she doesn't know to do it!

I just don't know how to do this. Your advice is greatly appreciated.

[HeartIsAching]

Given your screen name, I think I can guess.

No, it won't lessen you at all... the only thing you can lessen with clear and honest communication is confusion.

[michelle23]

Communication is key. And compromise..

[whipsnchains]

I agree that open and honest communication is an absolute must. In our kind of relationship even more so (IMHO).

But what I'm wanting is an expression of that trust from her, and I feel that asking for a statement of trust makes that statement less.

[Wakeup]

Does her actions show you that she trusts you?

[tassy]

Do you mean for example if you are upset and in need of a hug but you have to ask for that hug because it wasnt offered or just given that when you get the hug it doesnt feel the same because you had to ask for it? (Im using hug as an example)

[michelle23]

If what tassy said is true- she cannot read your mind so therefore you have to ask. How long are you together? We could probably do with more info here without being nosey.

Im guessing it is sexual??

What have you done so far and is what your asking a lot different from that? Will she be shocked/surprised. Is it a fetish or just an occasional desire?

[Boisdevie]

Communication is the only way here. And sexual compatibiity in the long term.

[whipsnchains]

OK, it seems details will help. We have been involved in a bondage/discipline dominant/submissive relationship for about 9 months. She is the submissive. I know her hard and soft limits (that is, what she might do from time to time if conditions are right, and what is flat out never going to happen) and she knows mine. She trusts me, and I trust her. We get along famously, in general terms and sexually.

What I want from her is something along the lines of

"Forget the limits, do whatever you want, anyway you want."

Not that I am going to break those limits, but the expression of absolute trust is something I crave.

[ashley89]

I would just talk to her about it, if you don't ask how is she gonna know what you want?

[michelle23]

Could it be that you want more from her than a sexual contract? such as a relationship? Is that what you are saying?

Or are you saying you want her to say to you "I'm yours-do whatever you want to me right now" ??

Everyone has limits and if you know 100% that there are things she is not comfortable with-you have to respect that. If she does not want to do something specific that you want-it doesn't mean she does not trust you-it just means she knows what lines she is not prepared to cross.

[whipsnchains]

Well, that's the problem Ashley89. I want it to be a freely given expression of trust. But I understand that if she doesn't know what I want, she can't meet the need. Hence the dilema.

[whipsnchains]

Could it be that you want more from her than a sexual contract? such as a relationship? Is that what you are saying?

Or are you saying you want her to say to you "I'm yours-do whatever you want to me right now" ??

Everyone has limits and if you know 100% that there are things she is not comfortable with-you have to respect that. If she does not want to do something specific that you want-it doesn't mean she does not trust you-it just means she knows what lines she is not prepared to cross.

We have a very good relationship. We are best friends, and get along great in every aspect of our lives. And I have no need or desire to cross or break limits. I want her to say that she trusts me enough to ALLOW me the opportunity to do so. I will not, and I intend to reward her greatly for the offer.

IF that makes any sense at all...

[michelle23]

Or did you just mean that you don't want to discuss sexual acts before you do them? As long as you don't cross her hard limits-that she just go along with whatever you have planned??

Is that not the whole point of the submissive role? lol

[michelle23]

If you are her master-she looks to you for guidance so you should just tell her what you want to avoid all the confusion. I think she already does trust you 100% as she has already made herself very vulnerable for you.