Confused

[student1990]

Hi there, my boyfriend and I have been recently talking about marriage. We have been together for two years and are very happy. We are perfect for each other and compliment each other greatly. However, our relationship had gotten off to a rough start and now that I know we are taking it to the next level I get nervous that maybe he really did not change, or the changes will not last. I will explain our history briefly. Before my boyfriend met me he was with this girl who ripped his heart out, she cheated on him lots however because they lived so close by they decided to stay "friends". Well once me and him got into a relationship she would text everyday ALL day. We were doing the long distance thing and it seemed every other weekend when we would get a chance to spend time together she would email, text, call etc.. Finally one day HE said enough was enough and told her to stop. A few months after this he left his computer open and I could not resist but to look (I know I am terrible! but he did the same one day) and I found that he was telling a few people that I MADE him stop talking to her and stuff. He even told this to her when she asked about it.. I was very very upset, because it was his idea. I was very uncomfortable with the idea of her communicating that often, yes, but it certainly was not my idea. Anyways we hatched that out and all was fine. There was this other girl who kept popping up as well from his past (no real history I guess other than on and off again interest that would never seemed to work out). One night after a few drinks I had a feeling that there was more than what he was telling me, we got into a huge argument and he swore up and down nothing happened while we were together with her and I believed him and that was it. We continued to live in this paradise for a while, and then he asked me to move in with him while I was done school for the summer. I agreed and had never been so happy. About a week after I moved in with him I started getting these feelings like there something he was hiding from me (this might sound crazy but sometimes I get a sixth sense about this stuff). He swore up and down that there was nothing and I was just feeling this way because we had just made a big step.. I still was not convinced and did the low manipulative thing and pretended like I knew something. That was when he confessed six months prior to this that he had an online relationship with the girl who kept popping up from before. They had both made secret email accounts and communicated for about week and had been very inappropriate with each other. After I found this out I broke up with him for about three days. He did everything to try to convince me that he had changed and that was a long time ago and that he was sorry and wanted to marry me someday etc.. We reconciled and after a few more fights and close breakups I was able to trust him again and we have been doing great for about the last year. I am graduating school this year and I am getting ready to move in with him permanently this time. We have looked at rings and he told me he has an engagement plan in place. I love him more than anything and we really are like two peas in a pod. All our friends and family think we are perfect for each other and I think we are too. I honestly felt like I trusted him again but when I think about it in depth I get scared that maybe he will cyber cheat again, or maybe it will be worse next time... does anyone have any advice? I have always had the mentality that once a cheater always a cheater but does that apply to cyber cheating? I also should mention I have an anxiety disorder and whenever change takes place I have massive panic attacks (lasting days, even up to a week sometimes). Also, when good things start to happen sometimes I can become self destructive, I thought I got over this, but could this be apart of my self destructive tendencies? Any advice would be wonderful and greatly appreciated

[FlaCooln]

1st thing...please, please use the enter key and make some paragraphs. When you separate things a bit it makes it much easier to read, instead of a wall of text.

Your planning on getting married, so sit him down and tell him you want BOTH of you to be completely open with each other. Tell him exactly how you feel, discuss it, and then move on together. Most people hide there feelings and if you can start this sharing more from now it will help your relationship.

[student1990]

thank you for your advice. Sorry about the huge chunk of text, this is my very first post, still need to work out some kinks I guess lol

[michelle23]

How many times has it been then that he broke your trust? 2, 3, 4 times in two years? I don't think you should rush into marriage with this man. You need to be 100% sure you can trust him. Cyber cheating is just as bad as physical cheating in my book. If that girl was sitting in front of him on a bed instead of behind a computer screen-would he bang her?-most likely yes..

If he needs attention or validation from other women to stroke his ego because he is insecure or if he feels like he is settling for second best because everything happened too fast with you-then yes he will definitely cheat on you. Does he have a destructive way of dealing with stress, problems? Does he need to escape from reality every now and again by texting other women. If yes, he cannot be trusted.

Be very careful what you are doing. You could make the biggest mistake of your life marrying this man. If you really want it to work-I suggest relationship counselling before taking the next step together.

You need a strong man who is emotionally mature-who wont bail on you every time life gets a little boring or tough-who wont replace you for the next pair of tits that come along. Me personally-I would never have gone out with him in the first place as he was not ready for a relationship when he met you after what happened with his ex and then you probably should have ended it a year ago with all those warning signs.

But its your choice. Do people ever really change? Possibly but only if they can face up to what they have done, accept responsibility and understand why they behave in such a destructive way and find a healthier way to deal with issues/stress etc.

[student1990]

[QUOTE=michelle23;875650]How many times has it been then that he broke your trust? 2, 3, 4 times in two years? I don't think you should rush into marriage with this man. You need to be 100% sure you can trust him. Cyber cheating is just as bad as physical cheating in my book. If that girl was sitting in front of him on a bed instead of behind a computer screen-would he bang her?-most likely yes..

Wow... I dont think anyone, not even my own friends has been this blunt with me.. even though I am sitting here in tears I think you are 100% right.. thank you so much for your straightforwardness and honesty!

[Indefinable]

Don't marry him. I think he isn't loyal.