Is he into me, or has it become routine?

[MiMi_88]

Ive been dating this guy for about 5 months now, we get along, but the problem is, that i can't read him, he shows rarely any emotion, i just don't know what page im on with him. He always calls, sends text, makes an effort to see each other, introduced me to his friends, but on the other hand, rarely wants to talk about our issues. He says we have none, that everything is perfect. Its not, he never wants to get into arguments, even when im in the wrong, and i know hes pissed off. He just tells me, its not okay, lets not make a big deal out of it, just keep it in mind. But i want to talk it out, i want to get to know him better. I don't even know if i can trust him, hes just soo closed off. I have told him many times, he just says that he doesn't know how to show it?! He says he really likes me, but just doesn't know how? He can't even compliment me and never does, even if i directly ask him what he thinks, and then he just says that if he didn't find me attractive he wouldn't be with me?!?!?! A girl likes to hear something nice, once in a month!!!
Also, when we see each other, its always, what do i want to do? He always calls me to see each other, but its always me making the plans. Ive asked a million times what he wants to do, and everytime, its whatever you want to do... And in the end, even if he does make plans, its in his apartment!!
I just want to know, if this relationship means something to him, hes just soo mellow, like he doesn't give a crap, he says that he just doesn't know how to relay his feelings, and that inside his head, its a whole different story... How do i know that?? Im starting to run on fumes, but i really like the guy....

[michelle23]

He sounds like a normal guy. Maybe your expectations are unrealistic? Maybe you want lots of drama, arguments, fights, excitement? Most men run a mile from that. And you might as well get used to making most the plans as most men are crap at that. He doesn't care what you do or where you go-he just wants to spend time with you and most men are not good at praise/compliments.

Is he affectionate, does his eyes light up when hes with you, does he smile a lot, does he take the time to make sure you enjoy sex, does he spend lots of time with you? His actions speak louder than his words..

It doesn't sound like there are any problems but you are creating some. You probably have this fantasy image of what he should be like or what love should be like. You probably have all these unrealistic expectations from watching Disney films as a kid and reading books like twilight or watching romantic comedies etc.

Stop expecting so much from him. You are being crazy. He has introduced you to his friends, he always calls and texts you and makes an effort to see you??? That is pretty obvious that he is into you and of course he thinks your attractive-he wouldnt be your bf if he didnt.

[MiMi_88]

Your probably right. Its just that, all the other guys ive dated have been soooo unlike him, its just all so new for me... I sometimes myself think im just making problems, but then again i just want to feel something solid from him. Ive always had really passionate relationships, its the only thing i know... I really like him, and no i don't want him to be all over me, he is sweet, but its really hard being with someone that rarely lets you in...

[FlaCooln]

He likes you and just seems nonconforntational. I had this problem with my exGF. I would always want to discuss an issue in a logical/calm manner and she would rather move on or get angry and walk away. I was actually better at sharing my feelings then her. Not everyone is super open.

As for making the plans part thats weird, most girls I have dated it was ALWAYS up to me. So I know how you feel. Having to make the plans all the time and trying do something both of you will enjoy can be difficult. As a guy I kind of expect to take the lead, so sometimes I will come up with a few ideas and let her choose and at least she has a part in the process.

[michelle23]

Its only been five months. You need to build his trust and form the emotional connection. Sometimes a relationship like this can be lasting and real if you give him time. All that passion and fire you mentioned normally ends in tears and one of you being burned badly. He may find it difficult to express himself which is not unusual. If you want those walls to come down you need to stop pointing out all these flaws etc and focus on the good things. He will let you in slowly

[MiMi_88]

@FlaCooln - it is weird, i really want him to take the lead sometimes, i just feel like he cant be bothered. My friends say its sweet that he always wants to do what you want to, but its not like that.

@michelle23 -I will try to be less demanding, but its not like im asking the world from him... Ill give it time, but he has to make more of an effort too, i just cant conform to him...

[basilandthyme]

Avoiding drama is one thing - but being so closed that you can't read him at all is another thing altogether.

As much as you may be fond of him, the relationship has no future if you can't understand him.

[MiMi_88]

See, i want to give it time, and make an effort, but also, i shouldn't be the only one who is willing to conform... Its just really irritating, when the other side, sees no flaws, nothing bothers him, but on the same hand can't say anything nice about anything. Understand, i am not the kind of girl that only wants praise, I want to hear the critics aswell, anything, but again i have NOTHING to run on, absolutley NOTHING, no compliments, no critics...I just want some verbal communication about us, the relationship. We talk, he wants to talk, we have long conversations, but as soon as i get to the topic about us, he just starts mumbling about why i always bring up heavy topics?!?! Don't get me wrong, we have a good relationship, hes friends tell me he has never introduced a girlfriend before, or has shown up with one in public, and have told me he has never seemed more happ.... Am i crazy for wanting some kind of verbal validation from him?? Or should i just be happy and let go??

[michelle23]

It depends on how important it is to you. My bf is not good with words. Sometimes it gets to me a little but hes very affectionate, puts me first, says he loves me. I think actions speak louder so it doesn't bother me that much.

[Wakeup]

See, i want to give it time, and make an effort, but also, i shouldn't be the only one who is willing to conform... Its just really irritating, when the other side, sees no flaws, nothing bothers him, but on the same hand can't say anything nice about anything. Understand, i am not the kind of girl that only wants praise, I want to hear the critics aswell, anything, but again i have NOTHING to run on, absolutley NOTHING, no compliments, no critics...I just want some verbal communication about us, the relationship. We talk, he wants to talk, we have long conversations, but as soon as i get to the topic about us, he just starts mumbling about why i always bring up heavy topics?!?! Don't get me wrong, we have a good relationship, hes friends tell me he has never introduced a girlfriend before, or has shown up with one in public, and have told me he has never seemed more happ.... Am i crazy for wanting some kind of verbal validation from him?? Or should i just be happy and let go??

I agree with you and from what you've shared so far, I think you're incompatible in your love languages. You are trying to change who he is and if he's past the age of puberty, then who he is, is likely engrained deep. Maybe you'd do better to try and understand him then you would in trying to change him into who you want him to be?

To add: Try reading The Five Love Languages before you blow a gasket over his lack of words of affirmation.