I'm in love with my same sex best friend who I will be moving in with. I need advice

[zara111]

Hello, I'll start by introducing myself. My name is Zara and I live in Belgium. I am 19 years old and I am a student. My best friend is my neighbor and I think I've know her since I was about 8 years old. She is two years younger then me and she is tour typical girl and I am a bit of a tomboy. I've always seen her as my baby-sister but lately those feelings have changed. When we were younger there were vacations I was with her from 1pm till 10 pm 7 days a week for 2 moths in a row. So it's safe the say that we have a very strong friendship. This year she is graduating from high school and so her parents are giving her more freedom. So this vacation we are going for 10 days to Greece. Till now I've been able to control my feeling. I don't see Greece changing that, because it's only for ten days and we will be traveling in a group. However last week she has asked me to live together in college. I love spending time with her, and we always have a good time. She's able to make me forget my troubles. So off course I am going to say yes. I just don't know if I will be able to control my feelings. And I wonder if any of you have some ideas that could help me.

Some information that could be important: She doesn't know about my feelings, or that I like girls (But then again neither did I). I don't think she will be so surprised that I like girls because I am tomboy. If she passes every year, she will be studying 5 years. If I pass every year (from now on) I will still have to do 6 years (I know, poor me). So we will be living together for 5 years. Her parents love the idea of us being roommates, because they think I have a good influence on her. So the moving in together isn't just a bold idea and is probably going to happen. And one last thing lately she has the tendency to end all her text messages with x, which is really annoying because it makes it harder to forget my true feelings about her.

And that is my story, thank you for taking the time to read this. And hopefully you'll have some advice for me!

[FlaCooln]

I guess the question is does your friend like girls?

I cant say I have had the same sex issue, but I have been in a situation where you have known someone for a long time and there are feelings....Just on the opposite end. My family is close friends with another family and their daugher (a few years younger then me) has always seemed a bit interested in me. But, I have known her too long...basically since I can remember and I don't think I could ever see her anything more than a friend/sister type and she is a good looking girl. So if as a I guy I can feel this way, I can only imagine a girl.

[HeartIsAching]

I think it's likely that you're in for heartbreak.

My wife's best friend is gay, and didn't reveal it to her until after high school... and like you she was hoping for a relationship. My wife had to tell her that she was a wonderful woman, a great friend, but she didn't have one thing that my wife really needed in a partner - a penis.

Unless she is also in the closet, you won't interest her. You won't change her mind, and you may alienate her if you're persistent. I would suggest that you bring it up once - talk to her frankly, and if she's not interested, drop it and accept the fact that the most she'll ever be is a friend.

[rob1984]

Hey zara, I'm probably not the best person to offer adive, however Rowen here can be a big help to you, if I wa sin your situation, I would probably refrain from saying anything.. you may lose a friend and end up with nothing do you know if she is gay ? .. again hard for me to help as I have no idea what you are feeling. Good luck

[zara111]

Thank you very much for your answers. I prefer not telling her about my feelings either. The problem is that I don't know if I will be able to hide them If I will be living with her for 5 years.

[rob1984]

you can simply come out to her, because she is your friend.. and once you meet someone else.. your feelings for her will fade, and you will keep a friend. This is only a phase, I;ve had plenty of crushes come and go. Good luck Zara

[bearz]

It's not like you have to ask her out or ask about her feelings for you. The first thing you need to know at this point is whether she is bi/bi-curious/gay or not and that should be easy to find out. Or am I missing something here?

EDIT: What Rob said is another possibility, just tell her that you are interested in girls and see what her reaction is. You don't have to mention that you have feelings for her.