Should I give up hope

[abbey3]

It's been nearly 2 weeks since I broke up with my boyfriend.

Even though it was mutual after I told him I would have been willing to give it another go.

I'm sure anyone who read my previous posts will remember this was due to me never believing my boyfriend loved me.

We have spoke since the break up, he is very down, said he misses me and is finding this very difficult. He said its not a case of not loving me but that he was just so unhappy with all the arguments and the fact I never believed how he felt about me.

I asked him straight if he ever thought we may get back together and he said he didn't think so because it wouldn't work and that we have tried and even been to councelling.

I can't help but hope that if I work on my insecurities on my own maybe it can work in a few months?
Or am I just setting myself up for more heartbreak living on hope.

The thought of him ever getting with anyone else kills me and I don't want anyone else either.

[zara111]

Hello Abbey, I haven't read any of your previous posts. If he doesn't believe your relationship has got any future, then I think it's time to move on. I don't think you should change who you are just to have another shot at him. However working on your insecurities is never a bad idea. I just feel like you should do it because you think it's a good idea. And not because your desperately clinging on to him. I have been in a mutuel-break up, and it wasn't that mutuel either. A moth later the guy told me he still had feelings for me. I though we were on the same page, and i really got angry at him that he didn't tell me this when it did matter. I just don't get why you broke up with him if you still loved him. Playing games is never a good idea.

[basilandthyme]

Perhaps the relationship can work if you get yourself sorted out. But it could also be too late for him and he may not want to risk trying again. Or, by the time a few months has passed, he could have moved on and found someone else.

In short, there's far too many unknowns to guess the future. Just work on yourself and let the future come as it will

[ruffles777]

Got problems myself dont think my partner wants me its so so difficult,I dont want anyone else but if he doesn t love me what is the point? we get on so well but cant show any affection? VERY DIFFICULT to move on easy to give advice from the outside? feel for you hope your ok?

[Kromat83]

sometimes if you both don't show affection and get along
well, maybe that is when the friend zone comes in.

If he is saying that he doesn't know if he can love you
again, it is better to just move on.

I have a long-distance relationship, and i try to show
her how much i love her whenever i can, because I
don't want to lose her.

I might regret it later when it is over,
because i want to share my life with her.

I can't see myself broken up with her, i know there could
be someone else, but our relationship came so naturally,
we almost knew right away that we had something special.

She showed her love first, and i felt the same way.

[HeartIsAching]

It's been nearly 2 weeks since I broke up with my boyfriend.

Even though it was mutual after I told him I would have been willing to give it another go.

I'm sure anyone who read my previous posts will remember this was due to me never believing my boyfriend loved me.

We have spoke since the break up, he is very down, said he misses me and is finding this very difficult. He said its not a case of not loving me but that he was just so unhappy with all the arguments and the fact I never believed how he felt about me.

I asked him straight if he ever thought we may get back together and he said he didn't think so because it wouldn't work and that we have tried and even been to councelling.

I can't help but hope that if I work on my insecurities on my own maybe it can work in a few months?
Or am I just setting myself up for more heartbreak living on hope.

The thought of him ever getting with anyone else kills me and I don't want anyone else either.

Every time you disagreed with him when he told you how he felt about you, you told him that you distrusted him. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. How do you imagine you would feel if every time you said you loved them, they said "no, you don't"?

Eventually you'd get fed up and walk away. That's what's happened to you. More precisely, that's what you did to yourself. Get some counseling. Learn better ways, and try again.

[Rowen]

If you're going to change your ways, you need to do it for you- not for someone else. You're single now, so I think it's best if you start trying to change them for yourself so you don't repeat these patterns in your later relationships. Don't focus on getting back together with him. Just focus on you and what you need to do to make sure this isn't repeated.

That being said, maybe one day down the road, you will have cured yourself of the flaws that destroyed this relationship and you two will have another chance...or maybe not. Either way, if you work on yourself, you win either way. You'll win if you two get back together because the old issues will be resolved. You'll win if you have no chance with him and end up meeting a new man because you won't be making the same mistakes you did before.

The only way you can lose, Abbey, is if you sit here and wonder what if, wrapping your entire life around the fact that he's gone.

So, what are going to do? Are you going to win or are you going to let yourself lose?

[michelle23]

I think you should have no contact with him abbey. You are making it harder for both of you by staying in touch. Stay away from him and work on yourself and your insecurities. If he comes back to you without you trying to get him back-you will no for sure he loves you and move forward together.

You cant beg or force him back-hell only leave agaim if u do. Look after yourself and work on your confidence. Do it for you-not for him.

You can learn from this experience and make positive changes and if you get back together-the relationship could work but for now you need to accept his decision, stop all contact and try to heal.

[abbey3]

I also believe it wasn't all my problems- he did give me reason to doubt in the Beggining with the messages he was sending to other girls but I could never trust him after that.

Looking back I tortured myself for 2 years worrying avout trust and if he ever loved me.i can't believe when I look back just how unhappy I was. I used to constantly compare myself to ex girlfriends and never felt good enough (but I know that was me as he always used to pay me compliments etx)

I do rely on reassurance from others a lot on general and when I meet new people often wonder silly thoughts like I bet they don't like me or think I'm ugly. Stupid I know

I lost myself in the relationship and relied on his reassurance to make myself feel better. But no matter what he said
I never believed it or if I did it would only be an instant fix and I would feel rubbish an hour later.

I still wonder now if he really ever did love me, and I wonder now why apparantly it is hurting him so much. He says he misses and loves me and I was his best friend.

But I really do need to work on myself right now- just wish I could have done that while I was with him

[michelle23]

If hes said he doesn't want you back than he is being cruel by saying he loves you and misses you.

Its understandable why you felt insecure because of how he behaved in the beginning and that resentment may never go away.

You need to be alone and in a healthy place emotionally before starting a new relationship. When you are thinking more clearly and have been away from him for awhile it will get easier and you will be able to look back and realize they relationship was unhealthy.

This will also help you figure out what you want in a man.

[abbey3]

He is saying he wanted to make it work but that we gave it so many try's he knew it couldn't.

Guess I just need to move on and work on myself. He was my dream man I just feel empty

[Rowen]

He was my dream man I just feel empty

I understand exactly how you're feeling and what you're going through with a loss like that. At the end of the day, though, always try to reassure yourself that you have the strength to get through it. And at times when it's most painful to think about...don't. At times like that, do things that make you happy to get distract yourself for a bit so you can work up to thinking about it and remembering it to the point it won't hurt as much. It's sort of like slipping into a really hot bath...

[michelle23]

Each day will get a little easier, you will smile again, laugh again, love again. Stay strong and stay positive xx

[alwaystrying]

I am going through almost an exact situation you are except it wasn't mutual. We both know nothing I'm about to tell you is going to make you feel better or give you hope. But what I can tell you is that you can try to "move on" as in move on with your life without him. Not necessarily go find another guy, but to just try to move on without him and ignore that feeling of missing and being with him. ( I know this is harder than it sounds as I am having difficulty doing basic daily functions at the moment). Ideally we hope that our significant other thinks "Doesn't being scared let you know you're onto something important? And if your not scared, your not taking a chance and if your not taking a chance then what are you doing?".
It is sad that some people give up so easily, there is ALWAYS a solution to a problem. There are never dead ends. But this is something they have to realize because you already do. You can't hope for this as it will kill you inside.
You have to try to go back to the way you were before you met your "other". I have been trying. Try not to be alone as your mind can easily dwell on it and you start to fantasize the what ifs or maybes.
When you find yourself dwelling on it, do something very distracting like watch Netflix.. I have been for a week.

[abbey3]

Thankyou for all the advice, I have really been trying to get on but I am finding it impossible.

I can't eat or sleep and even though I am acting fine on front of others I can't cope
I have all theese different emotions the main one being anger. I was so miserable in the relationship and insecure yet I couldn't and didn't leave. Now I feel rejected as he won't give it another try.. As soon as I find out he has been out I feel sick panicking and imagining him with other women. I felt like this for 2 years and I don't want to feel like it anymore. But I can't stand the thought of him moving on with his life without me.

One minuite I hate him and feel like he never cared and the next I think I was just stupidly insecure and drove him away.

I honestly don't have an answer why it all ended. I can't put my finger on what was wrong. But I am so hurt. I lost myself and all my confidence in the relationship. I feel alone.

I have moved back home and my family are having a lot of problems at the moment so it's even worse as I can't stand being here.

Everyone tells me time is a healer but as the days go on I just feel worse