Great Guy but Gay Vibes?

[meghan]

I recently started seeing an amazing man, someone who has been a friend for awhile. I really enjoy our relationship, however the only issue is that when I first started to get to know him, I picked up on a few gay vibes. He has some feminine interests (clothes, interior design etc.) and is really sensitive. When a friend met him I asked her opinion and she said that initially she wondered the same herself but overall thinks he is straight. He has told me about his relationship history and he has dated only women in the past, and he has made references about liking women and being heterosexual. He was the one to initiate our friendship into starting to date, and when we get together he tries to make body contact and tells me that he has feelings for me. I really hate to even be asking this question, and I don't mean to put men into a box of what "heterosexual" means, I just don't want for the relationship to progress unless I am 100% certain about it. We live in an accepting community and I would be confused to as why he would pretend to be straight if he was not, so I would appreciate a few opinions on the matter.

Thanks,
Meghan

[rob1984]

maybe he's metrosexual.. I have a buddy like that.. he makes me look like crap haha, my wife shops with him. but he's straight as an arrow

[ashley89]

someone posted something very similar to this recently, I'll try to find it but it sounds like he is metro not gay. he wouldn't be into women or dating you if he were

[ashley89]

here - read this. the poster was in a really similar position and all the answers helped clear it up :] -

http://www.loveforum.net/threads/78191-Is-my-boyfriend-gay?p=872638&highlight=#post872638

[HeartIsAching]

Why is it that if a man likes or tries something that is traditionally a female pursuit, they're suspected of being "gay", but women can work jobs that are traditionally male, wear male clothes (pants) and it's all good?

So what if he likes interior decorating and clothes? Bet he's really well groomed, too.

[/soapbox]

[bearz]

Gay men generally don't pursue women. I don't think you have anything to worry about unless some of these things annoy you.

thanks to urbandictionary.com

You might be "metrosexual" if:

1. You just can't walk past a Banana Republic store without making a purchase.

2. You own 20 pairs of shoes, half a dozen pairs of sunglasses, just as many watches and you carry a man-purse.

3. You see a stylist instead of a barber, because barbers don't do highlights.

4. You can make her lamb shanks and risotto for dinner and Eggs Benedict for breakfast... all from scratch.

5. You only wear Calvin Klein boxer-briefs.

6. You shave more than just your face. You also exfoliate and moisturize.

7. You would never, ever own a pickup truck.

8. You can't imagine a day without hair styling products.

9. You'd rather drink wine than beer... but you'll find out what estate and vintage first.

10. Despite being flattered (even proud) that gay guys hit on you, you still find the thought of actually getting intimate with another man truly repulsive.

[Love'sReject]

Why is it that if a man likes or tries something that is traditionally a female pursuit, they're suspected of being "gay", but women can work jobs that are traditionally male, wear male clothes (pants) and it's all good?

So what if he likes interior decorating and clothes? Bet he's really well groomed, too.

[/soapbox]

^He's probably talking about that time he made out with that guy in the Denny's restaurant.. filthy confused old bastard.

[Rowen]

I'd say he's either just metrosexual or a delicate guy. I'd say that there's not much to go on, really, OP. I'm a gay guy, myself, and I've encountered MANY, MANY straight guys who I could have sworn were benders. But in the end, they were straight-- just different from the typical view of masculinity.

I think, personally, you have nothing to worry about. But if he asks you to use a dildo on him in bed, then you have grounds to break up with him. lol (Okay, that was a pathetic excuse at humor to get you to laugh, I admit.) But seriously; if you like the guy, give it a go. Sometimes, it's nice to try a different type of guy than what you normally pursue. You never know who will mean the most to you.

[VincenzoG91]

I was kind of a metrosexual when I was in my late 20s. Back then, I would have checked off nearly half the items on Bearz's list. Then I got serious about dealing with my credit card debt and simplified my life. I still spend a lot more money on my haircuts than most guys, but I get what I pay for.

Separate from that, when I first moved to the metro area that I still live in, I made a bunch of new friends quickly. After a while, I started to wonder about two of these guys. One guy was hairdresser with a lisp who sometimes dressed very dramatically. One time, he dressed up like a matador and it wasn't even Halloween. The other guy seemed pretty normal, except that he had a very gay laugh.

I was right about one and wrong about the other. The lisping hairdresser was a serious womanizer, who finally had to pull his life together after he knocked up his old high school sweetheart while visiting his folks for the holidays. The guy with the gay laugh was going through some changes. First he was bisexual for a while, and then he went totally gay and moved in with his boyfriend.

[ashley89]

I don't know why but when I read about the lisping hairdresser I laughed out loud

[VincenzoG91]

He just happened to be a hairdresser with a lisp and a flamboyant wardrobe. Otherwise, he was just a simple small town guy from Nebraska who loved the ladies.

[rob1984]

OP, at least you will have a guy that likes to shop with you ... when i go with my wife and she enters her lil shops.. I look for the man bench and sit and wait with the rest of the dudes there. Unlike my buddy who would probably drag my wife to all these stores.

[Boisdevie]

I recently started seeing an amazing man, someone who has been a friend for awhile. I really enjoy our relationship, however the only issue is that when I first started to get to know him, I picked up on a few gay vibes. He has some feminine interests (clothes, interior design etc.) and is really sensitive. When a friend met him I asked her opinion and she said that initially she wondered the same herself but overall thinks he is straight. He has told me about his relationship history and he has dated only women in the past, and he has made references about liking women and being heterosexual. He was the one to initiate our friendship into starting to date, and when we get together he tries to make body contact and tells me that he has feelings for me. I really hate to even be asking this question, and I don't mean to put men into a box of what "heterosexual" means, I just don't want for the relationship to progress unless I am 100% certain about it. We live in an accepting community and I would be confused to as why he would pretend to be straight if he was not, so I would appreciate a few opinions on the matter.

Thanks,
Meghan

Excellent post. Here's a good idea. Try to torpedo your relationship even before it's got going. He's made the effort to date you and seems to want to get physical and you suspect he might be gay because your wierd sense of what are feminine and male interests.
Let me turn it around and say 'gosh I just met this lovely woman but I'm worried that she's not that feminine because she prefers fast cars to ironing and washing the dishes'.
Is he gay? Well let him **** you then decide.

[meghan]

Excellent post. Here's a good idea. Try to torpedo your relationship even before it's got going. He's made the effort to date you and seems to want to get physical and you suspect he might be gay because your wierd sense of what are feminine and male interests.
Let me turn it around and say 'gosh I just met this lovely woman but I'm worried that she's not that feminine because she prefers fast cars to ironing and washing the dishes'.
Is he gay? Well let him **** you then decide.

I understand where you are coming from. But I got a bit of an initial gut feeling with this - it wasn't just his interests (I was just using those as an example) but him overall that made me question it. I am not meaning to ruin the relationship before it starts, I have just seen some people I know marry and have kids with someone only to find out years later that they were interested in the same sex so I wanted to get some opinions.

[HeartIsAching]

Have you boinked him yet? Did he get an erection?