Trust issues

[pigletto]

Before anything, I will say that I come into the relationship with some trust issues stemming from my dad cheating on my mom during my childhood. This ultimately resulted in my parent's divorce. My dad was always seen as the "nice" guy and everyone is shocked when they hear the reason behind my parent's split.

That being said... I've been with my boyfriend for about 15 months. We had a rough patch for a few months. He decided he needed a "break" which lasted about 2 weeks and then a few weeks later we broke up for a week. Both times we got back together at his urging. Things have not really been the same since our breaking up and getting back together. I am having trouble deciding if things are so different because we are now out of the "honeymoon" phase or if the change in behavior is because of something else. On top of that I feel that he is acting somewhat suspiciously and I can't decide if it is because I am being over paranoid (as I tend to be) or if something is actually going on.

The first thing that caught my attention is his increased secretive-ness (not a word!) with his phone. He put a password on his phone a few months ago, which he had never had before. And lately he has been on his phone texting often while we are together. Well, one time I noticed he was texting a girl I had never heard of. So, I asked him who she was and he said she was an old friend from high school. Whenever we are together and he is texting he always tilts the phone away so I can't see it, or he will say he is checking his facebook but he will actually be texting (and I know this because I will see the reflection in his glasses, or walk by and see texting, not FB). I asked him how he started talking to her again and he said that he works with her sister. When I let him know it kind of bothers me that he talks to her all the time he apologized and says he only texts her, he doesn't talk to her on the phone. He never mentioned her until I asked. Am I crazy? Or is this weird behavior?

[HeartIsAching]

You're not crazy. He's almost certainly cheating on you - even if it's 'only' emotionally. I'd bet that he fooled around with her while you were "on a break".

[basilandthyme]

Forget your dad's history - I can't see that it's relevant at all.

I think your trust issues have far more to do with the fact that you're making really bad choices in your own relationship. Your boyfriend's on and off behaviour *should be* totally unacceptable to you....but instead of refusing him, you accept him back. And then there's all this sneaking with his phone which you don't trust your instinct about.

You say that you have a history of being over-paranoid. How many times have you distrusted the motives of a completely honest and open guy who treated you well? Have you ever had a boyfriend who fitted this description?

[michelle23]

I think you should dump your bf. His behavior is unacceptable and if you want to avoid falling into the same trap as your mom and marrying your dad-you need to have a "I take no shit" policy.

Never give a man a second chance. He dumped you twice and you took him back twice and now hes acting suspicious and your taking it like a doormat. Be assertive. One chance only and then say **** you. You deserve better. There are billions of men in the world-if he doesn't live up to your standards and expectations-dump his ass. Its that simple.

I dont think you are paranoid-you should follow your instincts and he should not be texting any other girl if hes with you unless its his sister or something.

Apparantly women marry their father so make sure you don't if your dad was untrustworthy.

Find yourself a confident, good looking, intelligent man who has a lot of inner strength, integrity, emotional maturity and emotional intelligence. A man like that will never cheat on you. Also avoid men who have a reputation for sleeping around or who have cheated in the past. Stay away from anyone who is insecure/low self esteem etc. And only date men who have a lot of respect for their family especially their female relatives

[Rowen]

I'd add to this, but Michelle just said it so beautifully. *claps*

[michelle23]

aww thanks Rowen *smiles*