Physically attracted to a guy, but I don't want a relationship with him.

[vivaldi]

I'm in a really strange situation at the moment-something I've never felt before. I'm a 25 year old female and I'm very much the relationship type, I would never settle with anything less than a relationship. When I like somebody, I want it all or nothing. I rarely find someone I feel a strong connection with, but when I do, I fall hard for that person. So now to my current situation. I met a guy a couple of weeks ago. This guy is 100% my type physically, he's someone I would do a double-take on the street and think "wow". The thing is, emotionally and personality-wise, the spark just isn't there. He doesn't have that wit or charisma that attracts me to a man or keeps me on my toes. He's a bit bland and predictable. He seems a bit shy around me and hasn't made any moves after 4 dates. No kiss, no hugs, no touch, nothing. I think he may be fairly inexperienced and just a bit shy. He's very sweet and respectful though. But without that "spark", I can't see myself wanting to be with him. However, I do find him just very physically attractive and I have a strong urge to just be with him physically (sex). I've never felt that with anybody- most guys I've dated and been physical with I've shared an emotional and physical connection with. I've never seen a guy in a way where I just wanted sex from him and that was it.
So I don't know what to do...I would never want to hurt anybody, so I don't know if I should just move on and forget about him. I've tried being a little flirty at times and even a bit forward with some remarks to test how far he would go, but, he seems a little shy, and while most guys would continue the playful banter, he just kind of laughs it off and things remain stale. I don't know if I want to go out on more dates with him, things get a bit boring after a while, but I do want to sleep with him. Sounds horrible when I write it, especially since I've never felt that way...

[ashley89]

does he have feelings for you? if he doesn't maybe you could bring up being friends with benefits or just hooking up, but in my experience with that one person always ends up falling for the other at some point.

[Wakeup]

If you know yourself so well that you can type out and tell us that you're the type that wouldn't settle for anything other than a relationship, then why are you being so silly to suggest to yourself that you'd settle and just fk him? What, because he hasn't jumped your bones at 4 dates you feel he's some kind of challenge? Check your motives. You're not the type to be booty call or you're fooling yourself that you're the type to never settle for anything less then a relationship.


Anyway, If you want to tell him that you don't like him much but you'll settle to just be boinked by him, then why don't you just be honest and tell him you don't see a relationship forming but you're up for a fk if he is? If you're going to do it then no sense being coy. Afterall, I'm sure if the situation were reversed, you'd certainly want him to be honest with you so you can continue on with full disclosure or after him disclosing his intentions you could run because you actually don't settle for anything other than a relationship.

[vivaldi]

Well, that's exactly why I started with saying that "I've never had this happen before", I'm confused. But I guess just like it happens to guys, it can happen to girls too. Trust me, I've thought many times to tell him that I don't want a relationship and get more of a friendly vibe from him, and I will tell him. After all, I can't lie to myself and pretend that I want to be with him when I really don't. He's just such a nice guy and it's hard to tell someone that. But I will, I would never lead someone on. It's hard to bring it up out of nowhere too...most of our conversations have been friendly and not flirty at all.

[Wakeup]

My point. If you have conviction, you don't cross your own boundaries just because some guy has a great bod. You don't like him much in the romantic relationship sense so why not get rid of him (nicely of course) and find someone you can connect with mutually and keep from crossing your own personal boundaries.

[surfhb2]

I'm tired of agreeing with Wake Up

BTW.....most guys just dream of having a girl who just wants to bang. Perfect situation for them....doesn't sound like one for you though

[michelle23]

I agree with wakeup. If you have lines and boundaries that you normally dont cross-why do you want to cross them now?

If you want all or nothing - find someone who can be "all"

one or both of you will get hurt especially since you value the emotional connection that comes with sex. He wouldnt have gone out with you four times and be all shy etc if he just wanted sex.

[fearoflove]

Good news is that guys are more willing to be FWB than girls. Just tell him that you are interested in that arrangement.

[vivaldi]

I'm tired of agreeing with Wake Up

BTW.....most guys just dream of having a girl who just wants to bang. Perfect situation for them....doesn't sound like one for you though

Why's that? I'm not emotionally attached to him.

[surfhb2]

Why's that? I'm not emotionally attached to him.

Well you really don't sound like a FWB type of girl

Then F his brains out if you want....he sure would appreciate it I.....assure you

It's a win win as far as I can tell

[shesjustnotin2u]

Maybe he's not comfortable with you or doesnt trust you enough to be himself. Have you also tried asking him of his past relationships? It'll give you a better understanding if he's compatible to be FWB. And honestly, I wouldnt ruin a perfectly good friendship over sex.