Advice needed please!

[Mojo Raisin]

Posted this in the ask a female subforum but freaking out and was hoping for more replies here. Sorry if this is considered spam.

Hello

This is my first post here and I've registered as a couple of days ago I had a bombshell dropped on my by my girlfriend.

Background story - we met online on a website I had no faith in but missed the cancellation date on. I saw she had looked at my profile and thought I'd say hello and chat for a couple of days and that would be it but it turned out we had loads in common and really hit it off and we agreed to meet.

When we met there was instant chemistry and we got on like the proverbial house on fire and started dating. We both said that we felt as though we were supposed to meet and supposed to be with each other and I felt as though this lady was the one.

Everything was going brilliantly, her friends and family like me and things were excellent then out of the blue on sunday (it's now tuesday) she came over and said we needed to talk.

She said she felt as though the initial fireworks were missing and that she thought I felt the same as she hadn't heard much from me the previous week. The previous week I had been working nights so our days were out of sync but there was still contact but naturally not as much as if I had been working days.

We had spent three days together at the start of that week and she said she'd had a brilliant time but when she got home she felt as though she had been with a friend.

She says she still fancies me, I make her happy and she looks forward to seeing me but if those fireworks have gone then we shouldn't carry on.

The fireworks are still there for me and have never gone away and there was no suggestion they had for her either (until sunday at least).

She says she wants things to work out between us but if the fireworks aren't there...

What is frustrating me is if she says she wants it to work why will she not focus on that?

We have never had so much as a cross word and we connected in every way, physically and mentally and I was feeling as though I wanted to tell her I loved her which admittedly after 4 months may be a tad quick but that is how I was feeling and thought she was feeling the same.

I don't want to mention this and sound like an idiot misogynistic bloke but she has said she can very hormonal so I'm not sure how much of a factor this is, although her time of the month was the week before this all happened. I work with a lot of women and those I have spoken to all mentioned the same without prompting so I'm curious as to how much of a factor this may be.

There will be more that I've missed but I have to go to work so will update anything when I get there.

Thoughts please?

I really don't want to lose this woman

So she's coming over tonight after I finish work.

She said "I guess we need to talk too don't we?"

I'm absolutely shitting myself.

The text exchange between us went as follows...

Her - I guess we need to talk too don't we?
Me- I'd like to yes
Her - Ok, so shall I come over on Sunday?
Me - I'm working til 8, you can come over after then if you like
Her - Well it's up to you? You're gonna be knackered then aren't you? (knackered means tired in english slang if you're not familiar with the term)
Me - I'd still like to see you
Her - Ok, well if I don't end up with the kids (she might have been babysitting) and your plans fall through for tomorrow (that being yesterday (saturday)) then I could come over then if that's better, if not then I'll come over Sunday
Me - Cool Let me know if you get de-kidded. If not I'll see you Sunday
Her - Okey dokey night night

The following day

Her - I'm on babysitting duty

The reason I've put this conversation up is because as I'm sure you can imagine I've been analysing and re-analysing and over-analysing it ever since.

I'm telling myself she wouldn't want to meet up just to repeat what she said last weekend and she wouldn't be putting happy smiley faces if she wanted to repeat what she said last weekend and she wouldn't be putting an unhappy face when she ended up babysitting if she didn't want to come over and she wouldn't have said "okey dokey night night " which is pleasant and nice if she wanted to say the same as last week

See what I said about over analysing?

I would like peoples thoughts though, how would you be feeling if you were me in this conversation?

as I said, I really want this to work out and I'm more nervous about her coming over tonight than I've ever been about anything

INPUT PLEASE!

Can't link to the original thread due to my low post count, sorry

[smackie9]

Need more info, like your ages, how much relationship experience have you had, how long have you both dated for a month? a week? You met on a dating site? She play on line games, are you guys having sex? What happened just before she dropped this bombshell? You told her you love her? Talk about a future?

[Mojo Raisin]

more info - me, 35. her 28. met on a dating site. only been dating for 4 months but thats long enough for me to know she's the one for me and we'd been saying similar things to each other throughout. she doesn't play online games (although I'm not entirely sure what you mean there) Yes we're having sex. very regularly and we've both been enjoying it. Nothing happened before the bombshell, genuinely it was out of the blue. I haven't told her I love her but I want to

[michelle23]

4months is not long. If shes having doubts already you have no future. Im sorry to be blunt but that is the reality

[Mojo Raisin]

4months is not long. If shes having doubts already you have no future. Im sorry to be blunt but that is the reality

Agreed, but it's also possible for people to be insecure and get scared too

[michelle23]

You should have no tolerance for people who are not sure about you. Have the confidence in yourself to know you have a lot to offer and any woman would be lucky to have you. If she cant make up her mind-forget her

[smackie9]

Ok here's the deal.....you are in the honeymoon period of your relationship. It's the period where you are obsessed.....some will call it love but you don't really find out until this phase is over. Everything is all rosy, fun, intense, etc BUT this does come to an end. It usually lasts between 6 months to a year and a half. And yes during this time, there is talk of marriage, a future, kids, kids names etc. The thing is, it is just talk, and not to be taken as promises that it's going to happen. Passionate affairs (relationships) can burn out just as fast as they start. Everyone is right 4 months isn't that long, you couldn't possibly know someone in that amount of time. People do lie, and it is risky business when meeting, and dating strangers off the Internet.

Now usually if there is a drastic change in their behavior (over night as you said it) it usually means there is someone else in the picture. For all you know she could have met someone else, or she is talking to her ex (possibly never told you about). OR, now this is just a suggestion, she has been waiting for you to tell her you love her....wanting more reassurance of a commitment.

Me personally if someone told me the fireworks are gone, that's a blow off. It's not something that can be fix really. The only thing you can do is express your feelings to her, tell her everything and see where it will get you. You can have us give you all kinds of guesses, but there will be no straight answer for you, only she can give you that.

[Mojo Raisin]

You should have no tolerance for people who are not sure about you. Have the confidence in yourself to know you have a lot to offer and any woman would be lucky to have you. If she cant make up her mind-forget her

Ultimately this is what will happen however I'm certainly not prepared to walk away at the very first issue

[Mojo Raisin]

Ok here's the deal.....

cheers

These are all things I know and have thought about, despite how it may appear on here I'm not inexperienced or naive, I just benefit greatly from getting my thoughts out and getting other people's options.

When we talk I am just going to be totally honest (as I always have been with her tbf), say my piece and see what happens. Ultimately that is all I can do.

Thanks for the input folks