My girlfriend keeps changing her mind about us

[DZDUK]

I'm 38, I met this woman, a similar age to me, four months ago. It was love at sight for both of us. It was amazing, the chemistry, the magic, the connection, it was like the fairy tale I had been waiting my entire life for. I have never been in love, in all these 38 years, never once had I experienced it.

This woman is divorced and has two young daughters. I never thought I could be with someone who already had kids. But I fell in love with her, and was happy to be with her and her kids.

Everything was going amazingly between us. I'd stay over at hers, her kids adored me, and I them, I loved my time over there. I have never felt so wanted in my life.

We all went and spent Christmas at my mothers, this woman and her daughters met my whole family, they really liked her, and she them - we had an amazing time. She was so sad to leave after Christmas she told me she cried all the way home.

Then a few days later she came to stay at my place in London with her daughters. I've only got the one bed, so I let them have it, and I slept on the floor. But had a really broken sleep because her daughters cried a lot for her attention. Which is fine. But the end result was that I was exhausted the next day. Everyone kept telling me how tired I looked.

And when she and her daughters went back to hers. I realized the full implications of what it was I was about to embark on. So on the phone, I said to her that I can see how very different my life is going to be now, and can I take a couple of days to think about whether or not I could do this. She said okay.
So I asked myself the question:

'Can you endure this - the sleepiness nights, the being tired all the time?'

And my answer was a resounding,

'Can I endure it!? I would endure ANYTHING for this woman!'

So we met, I told her that, she seemed relieved but then suggested that we go back to dating and for me not to come round to her house or see her daughters anymore as they were getting attached to me.
I was stunned. After I told her I wanted to be with her and would endure anything for her she wanted to go backwards. I reluctantly agreed to it.

Weekend after weekend went by and I didn't see her. But from the very beginning I have always been there for her on the phone. She will call me at 7.30am and keep me on the phone, on and off throughout the entire day. So despite all this constant talking she wasn't making any time to see me. I felt like her support worker. She relied on me to get her through the day.

Four weekends passed, and I still hadn't seen her, and I was missing her and hurting about it so much. From the very first moment I saw this woman, all I've wanted, was to be with her. She keeps me on the phone all day, but can make no provision to see me. So I ended it, I had enough, I was hurting too much. What was the point of having a girlfriend that you never ever see, it was tearing me apart. I longed to be there with her and the kids.

A few hours later I realized my mistake, I was too hasty, I should never have ended it. And I realized how much I loved her - that pain was so intense, and it didn't go away. That was mid January 2013. I apologized profusely, begged, sent flowers. And was still on the phone for her everyday. I thankfully eventually kind of won her round.

She wanted to be friends and take things slow which I was fine with. I went to her house and spent monday morning with her, we had an amazing time.

Then when I got back home she called me and said she didn't want to be my friend, but that she wanted to be with me. She wanted to be my girlfriend again! I was so happy. Then on Friday morning she called me and told me that she changed her mind and would like to go back to being friends. Now bear in mind I hadn't even seen her in these four days where we were back together. I got upset, as this really hurt and agreed to be her friend again.

I said I would wait as her friend for as long as it took until she felt ready.
Then 2 weeks ago I went to a party. She knew I was going and had a sleepless night because she thought I was going to get with another woman. She got immensely jealous.

So the next day she begs me to back together with her. She suggested I take a week to come to terms with the idea. I said if you change your mind about wanting to be with me again, I would have to walk, no matter how much it hurt. She swore on her daughters lives that she wold not change her mind.
My decision day was yesterday - Sunday. But before I could even inform her of my decision which was to be with her of course, she told me that she changed her mind, she couldn't do it, and she was really sorry, but shes effed things up and can we go back to being friends.

I'm heartbroken. I told her I would have to walk if she did it again. The pain she puts me through with these U-turns is too much. But I love her so much. What shall I do?

Despite my best intentions, I haven't been able to walk away. I tried, but could not do it. And too my detriment, last night, I told her that I would be prepared to go back to being friends with her, and wait until she is ready. What's wrong with me? Why am I putting myself through all of this again? I feel ashamed and embarrassed to tell my family and friends that I have reneged and agreed to be her friend again.


Thanks for taking the time to read this guys, please let me have your thoughts.

[smackie9]

Things like this are very difficult for a single mom. She knows she can't put 100% into this relationship because she needs to be 100% with her kids.....her kids come first. She is being cautious because she doesn't want her daughters to suffer from any of the consequences if the relationship runs into problems. Not only is she protecting her kids, but she is protecting her heart. She knows these girls really need her, and she doesn't want to sacrifice her time with them to attend to your needs. This is too much for her to manage and isn't ready mentally, nor are her daughters. You are best to walk away before this hurts you anymore than it does now.

[DZDUK]

Thanks smackie9 I appreciate your time in posting a reply. I know that the right thing to do is to walk away.

[pcmaster]

Its really looks like real love and looks like you both wanted to put efford in it to make it work in long term, but didnt really understood eachother. Doesnt matter how strong love is sometimes its not enought. Two have to be real friends too and be able to talk about everything. Now it looks like when things get complicated you both are ready to back off and take the worst that love have to offer - heartbreak.

Before it worked because you both were positive and now looks like you guys are tired and dont think so positive anymore.