Help

**BusyIzzy** · 05-03-13, 05:20 AM

Hi guys,

Any advise you can offer me or your perspective would be brilliant.

I lost my job just before Christmas and its put a massive strain on our relationship.
He is now doing ridiculous amounts of overtime just to keep our heads above water and pay our bills.
I appreciate him doing this so much i tell him all the time and I can't begin to explain the guilt I feel for getting made redundant.
The problem is his literally waking up going to work coming home sleeping 24/7 . He has two days off a week and he spends those catching up on sleep.

We are like passing ships and go days without talking the bond between us is getting weaker and weaker.

He's shattered when he comes home and walks around like a zombie and I feel useless because I spend all day applying for jobs and attending interviews and am getting no where my confidence is at rock bottom I feel like a complete failure.
I tried to express my concerns and he walked off saying he was too tired to have this argument again.
I've tried doing nice things for him like cooking him a nice dinner or running him a bath but then he says he ate at work or Is too tired he just wants to go to bed. We haven't slept together in god knows how long and we're barely speaking.

I really want to fix this he is my best friend in the whole world and we have had 10 wonderful years together I tried to tell him how lonely I am and how much I miss him and I don't want a lot just a cuddle when he comes home or a 10 minute chat his response was to get me a puppy to keep me company. Don't get me wrong she's lovely and was a great present but she's not him

I tried again today to say I was feeling really bad about how things are going and I really want us to set some time aside to work on things and he just flipped and said I have no idea how much stress his under and he doesn't need another thing to worry about . The last thing I want to do is add more stress to the situation as I feel I've caused this mess in the first place .

**bearz** · 05-03-13, 05:25 AM

Seems like you finding a job again would solve a lot of these problems. Until then, or until he gets a better and higher paying job which doesn't require that much overtime, I don't see much changing for you in this regard.

**madotnw_nihs** · 05-03-13, 05:31 AM

If he is only working and sleeping, I would just let him be. The only solution is for you to find a job and him taking on less. I work 60 hour weeks, and any added pressure from my wife does make things ten times worse. We still manage to spend time here and there together, but any nagging from her would irritate me.

**Wakeup** · 05-03-13, 06:12 AM

Good lord. Please stop being so self-absorbed. Time to see your friends more and bug your partner less.. would you rather he didn't work and you ended up in the streets with lots of time to spend together?
Go get a job at McDonalds until you find something in your field so that he can quit some of the over-time and stop being exhausted.

**BusyIzzy** · 05-03-13, 06:52 AM

Originally Posted by Wakeup

Good lord. Please stop being so self-absorbed. Time to see your friends more and bug your partner less.. would you rather he didn't work and you ended up in the streets with lots of time to spend together?
Go get a job at McDonalds until you find something in your field so that he can quit some of the over-time and stop being exhausted.

Thanks for the useful tip . Ill let the other 40,000 people who have lost their jobs due to forclosures and the recession to hop on down to McDonalds also seeing as there's room for all . Your insinuation that I would turn my nose up at working there is insulting I would pick up crap of the street day after day if there was a job available that could help us . Jerk

**CompleteFailure** · 05-03-13, 09:13 AM

I hope this doesn't come across as sarcastic or condescending, but have you tried just giving him a rub/massage as he's lying down getting ready to sleep. Sexual or non, doesn't matter. Small things like that make a difference and show you care, without having to say anything. If he refuses just insist and do it, don't argue don't give in, just do it. Secretly he will appreciate it whether he says so or not. Be happy in yourself for knowing that you did do something he did enjoy whether he tells you or not.

**Wakeup** · 05-03-13, 09:36 AM

Originally Posted by BusyIzzy

Thanks for the useful tip . Ill let the other 40,000 people who have lost their jobs due to forclosures and the recession to hop on down to McDonalds also seeing as there's room for all . Your insinuation that I would turn my nose up at working there is insulting I would pick up crap of the street day after day if there was a job available that could help us . Jerk

The point is, you're being selfish, over-needy and a pain in the ass to a man who is trying his best to keep you from living in a cardboard box in the back lane of a McDonalds. Stop whining and call a gf when you're lonely when he's sleeping instead of making this all about you. Where will you live when your relationship ends because he can no longer take the pressure from you and your dis-content and trying to cover the costs for BOTH of you? Pfffft.

I would have had more sympathy for you if you hadn't made it all about him not having time for you because he wants to catch up on his sleep. It's not like he's working part-time and vegging out on you.

**FlaCooln** · 05-03-13, 09:42 AM

As previously said...stop being so needy. Be there for him and just keep things nice and simple when he comes home. Do the little things like make him a sandwich and a BJ here and there. He is working hard for you, so don't add any more stress to the situation. Things will get better, it just needs time.

**Wakeup** · 05-03-13, 09:55 AM

Shes tried doing nice things for him. He doesn't want a massage or a sammich or a bj. He wants to sleep because he's exhausted. Letting him sleep and not letting herself feel rejected and laying that she feels rejection on him would be the best thing she could do until they get it sorted.

**michelle23** · 05-03-13, 06:54 PM

I think you should just hand your CV in everywhere. Even if you just got 10-20 hours on minimum wage for now it would help. He is stressed and tired and irritated. Don't take it personally. Stop feeling like a failure. Its not your fault. You just have to get back out there now and find whatever you can so he can stop doing so much overtime.

Even if you got part time and did a course as well (non expensive obviously) it would help to get you back into work.

**michelle23** · 05-03-13, 08:01 PM

my bf works at least 60 hours a week-sometimes more but hes never moody and we have plenty of sex.. *scratch head* hes used to it tho I suppose-hes been working 6 days a week as long as ive known him. not by choice. his boss is just an ass and expects too much from him and he is tired when he comes home and sleeps half the day some Sundays.

**BusyIzzy** · 06-03-13, 01:21 AM

Thanks for useful advice everyone I will stop nagging him and just let him veg out when he comes home. Ill make some plans with some girlfriends and give him some time to himself . His got two days off today and tomorrow so ill leave him sleep in and make him a nice breakfast or something xx

**Wakeup** · 06-03-13, 01:31 AM

You're a smart cookie. You could always kill sometime here too, helping others with your advice when you're bored.

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