I used to be a very idealistic person what love is concerned. I used to love passionately and unconditionally. I tried to keep past bad experiences in my past and not let them influence my next relationship. Two years ago i finally cracked and don't seem to recover. My story is about 4 failed relationships. First one i was 17, it ended after 1 year when i found out his true love was actually not me but the other girl. at 21 i started another relationship. 3 years later i could not take the cheating anymore and left. at 26 another 1.5 years relationship ended for the same reason.
i kept thinking that not all men are like that, and that one day i will meet that someone who will have the same values as i have. when i was 26 i thought i had found him. we were very happy, and talking about marriage and children, he was there for me i thought...i could not have been more wrong...
in the beginning of 2011 at a routine checkup the doctor told me there is a chance i have cancer and that i should get surgery as soon as possible...she also told me that surgery would mean a chance of never being able to have children. i went to see 2 more doctors that said the same thing. finally the fourth doctor came with an alternative minimal invasive solution. he managed to take everything out. the result of the biopsy was not cancer but the very last step before it develops into one. i would have to have regular check-ups as the chance of it coming back stronger was pretty high. during all this hell i knew i had "my man" to count on for moral support. a month after my surgery, i found out he was having another woman on the side. i left him...
i had a bad breakdown and had to see a therapist. I decided to leave everything behind me and left the country. thought i would get better with a new start. it's been almost two years since that event. i don't seem to get any better.
I have lost my hope. I am afraid to trust again. i have ended up having casual relationships and one-night stands. i feel angry and empty inside and just don't care about anything and anyone anymore.
I am writing this just to get it off my chest. it is difficult for me to talk about my past. writing makes it easier...