Need a womans perspective

[2timesover]

So I Started dating my ex in the beginning of November everything seemed to be going really good. We have excellent chemistry and have a lot of fun hanging out together. But come mid January she broke up with me. We didn't talk any for about 2 weeks. Then after another 2 weeks we started seeing each other again. We didn't make it official but I would have to say we were dating again. The this last Saturday we went out to the local comedy club and afterwards while laying in her bed she told me she didn't want to be psychical anymore but still wanted to hangout. I was totally blindsided by this. We talked for a little and She told me that every guy she has been with always falls inlove with the next girl. She has said before that I'm to good for her and she doesn't deserve me. I talked to her sister and she told me that from what she understood everything was going great with us. Here's some back story on her. She was in a relationship for 3yrs and thought she was going to marry the guy but came to find out he was cheating on her the whole time. That ended a year before we met but from what I understand she has had a hard time getting past it. We are still texting each other some but I'm not sure where to go from here. So here is some advise I was given by none other then a girl that likes me but it seemed sound. That I probably scared my ex by being so nice and when something great is happening you fail to see it because you are waiting for the other shoe to drop and if I if truly pruse the her after the guy before me screwed it up, and she truly feels wanted and cared for that in the end she is going to make it worth my while. So that's it, if you'd like to know more ask away. any advice given on where to go from here would be appreciated.

[michelle23]

Shes been hurt badly and is scared. Give her some time and try to reassure her youd never cheat and make sure you keep that promise

[basilandthyme]

If someone tells you that you are too good for them, believe them!

This girl is going to play you like a yoyo while she's battling her own demons. Make sure you protect your heart from her.

[2timesover]

And there's the problem. I can see both sides of this. If I do continue to be friends with her and let her know I care and will be there for her how do I keep my heart from the possibility of being hurt? I can't... The throw into it that I'm a single parent of a 10yr old boy. I'm very glad I never brought him into the relationship and I know if I continue with her it would be a long time until I would.

[michelle23]

If she is very insecure run away. She will hurt you. Low self esteem is like a disease in a relationship. Plus shes emotionally unavailable right now. If ur looking for something serious-forget her

[Wakeup]

My advice ~ Don't text her or hang out with her anymore. She wants you to be her male girlfriend if she wants to hang with you but stop sex. Surely you're too into her to just drop the romantic/sexual feelings and entertain her baggage from her cheating ex????

Tell her she knows where to find you if she ever gets over her past and then go no contact. Google: Rebound Relationship (thats what it looks like you've been in with her) and The Ladder Theory so that you don't end up on the 'friendship ladder.'

You can't fix this so don't try. She needs to figure it out on her own and its totally unfair and selfish of her to ask you to be her bandaid while she does it.

I'll add a thank you for being responsible enough not to have included your son in this. Now he doesn't have to miss her too. Kudos... its far an few between where we hear of a single parent being responsible like you've been.

[2timesover]

The Ladder Theory certainly is a funny read. I don't think I will be taking much of it to heart though. Most things like that sound true in theory is it has the right spin to it....

[pinktulips]

I am a girl who has done the exact same thing as this woman and I can tell you that the first reply was the most accurate. I met a man who to me was everything that you are to this girl. When she wanted to stop the physical stuff, it was to see if you 'only' wanted her for that because a lot of guys do. Once she is feeling secure that this is not it, then it will be fine. Think of it from her point of view... she met a guy she thought was the one, he turned out to be anything but. She meets another guy that she thinks even moreso to be the one and she is thinking... "This happened before, will it happen again? I don't want my heart broken again." So of course she will take it easy and one step at a time at a pace she can emotionally deal with. What she is doing, is learning to trust again. You can help her do this by staying supportive. What your friend told you is true. She could really make the effort worthwhile. The comment above that said to look for someone who is serious... well, I can tell you, this girl IS serious and she has real feelings for you. If you feel the same way for her, then don't worry...just give her your love and support and if that is enough for her to get over the pain and learn to trust again, then it will indeed be worth the effort for you.

[Wakeup]

After everything he's done with her, it would certainly mean that he wants her for more than just sex and if she needs to test you now, after all the ways you've shown her that you value her for more then poontang, then I'd call that a red flag about her emotional stability, Op. Now, I'm sure Pinktulips hasn't met and spoken to your gf so it would be kind of impossible for her to "tel you this girl IS serious and she has real feelings for you" Now its possible, could even be likely but do you really want someone who advertantly or inadvertantly would test you by breaking your heart?

Anyway, you've only been with her since November and already you've broken up once. Now twice: Why torture yourself any further with someone who doesn't know what the hell she wants is my question. This girl obviously wasn't meant to be your life-partner.

[coconutz]

i think every guy she dated did the same as you in the beginning.
like being nice sweet etc.
till a certain point.

maybe you should move on. and let her deal with her issues.
she is not ready to date

[michelle23]

I don't think she stopped having sex with you to "test you". I really think she is emotionally unavailable and just not ready for another relationship. This girl will break your heart if you let her use you as her rebound.

When I was cheated on by my first bf-the next bloke to come along was the complete opposite to him. I trusted him. I knew he would never hurt me and felt "safe" but he was still a rebound because I was emotionally unavailable and needed time to get over being cheated on. I tried to push him away numerous times in the beginning because I knew I would end up hurting him otherwise but he kept coming back trying desperately to force me to love him. And I broke his heart in the end. (unintentionally)

Your wasting your time with this girl.

[Wakeup]

The Ladder Theory certainly is a funny read. I don't think I will be taking much of it to heart though. Most things like that sound true in theory is it has the right spin to it....

Its a tested and proven theory. You can test it. Let us know how it turns out.
Good luck.

[roxy8855]

I have been the rebounder and the reboundee. I know both sides of this. She's not ready for a relationship dude. She's scared and confused. IF you wait for her, guard your heart closely. Be her friend, but nothing more.