Was all going so well...

[davidjones]

I cut all contact with my ex on February 15th, I didn't speak to her, I didn't text her and I stayed clear of her Facebook and her friends & family. Only a few days later I felt much better about everything and was moving on fine.

Then a couple of things happened last week. I'm running a half marathon and she sponsored me for that on 28th, which she could only have found out through my Facebook which made me feel she was still checking up on me. Then on the 1st she tried to phone me, I missed the call and she sent a text saying she just wanted to see how I was. I replied the next day saying I was fine and I hoped she was too but didn't return the call.

That was the end of it but now I can't stop thinking about her again - is she deliberately just trying to mess with my head?!?!

[madotnw_nihs]

I don't think she is messing with your head, instead she probably just misses you. Having only broken up for a few weeks, some people aren't as good going cold turkey. I've had ex's that called after breaking up saying "I just miss you" and so on. So I think it's normal. Stay strong if you don't want to get back with her.

[michelle23]

Just continue with what you are doing. Its hard and it will hurt for awhile. Its only been a few weeks. It took me 6 months to get over someone that I wasn't even that into when we were together but it still hurt.

You will be okay-it just takes time

[sayaka]

I don't think she's trying to mess with your head, because really, any sort of contact from her is going to bring thoughts of her to the front of your mind again, regardless of what the reason for the contact is, or even if it's just indirect contact from her. I asked my ex to please not contact me in any way, shape or form at all because I needed to heal and we both needed to move on. Then I made sure that I would not have access to anything that even remotely reminded me directly of him. That's the only way I can hope to try and move on.

I completely understand how you feel though. Just keep on doing what you were doing before and keep up NC. That's the key to moving on and feeling better.

[davidjones]

She phoned again on Monday and I spoke to her this time. It was all very casual just sort of catching up. She said a few things about her university work such as she can't concentrate that made me feel she was hinting that she's been thinking about us a lot. It feels a bit like she's having second thoughts and before we started NC we had said we'd look at how we both felt around Easter. As much as I feel she's let me down and treated me quite badly I do still love her and would like to try again, the only problem now would be getting the trust back after 3 months of not really knowing what we've both been up to.

It looks like we're going to meet up this weekend, in some ways I'm looking forward to it. I'm not an emotional mess like I was a few weeks ago and I hope she's feeling differently, but I'm worried seeing her could set me back weeks if I'm reading her wrong again. On the other hand I think I'd regret not seeing her to find out how she is feeling now and I'd certainly rather talk about it face to face.

[Boisdevie]

As much as I feel she's let me down and treated me quite badly I do still love her and would like to try again

Oh dear how pathetic. That makes you a grade A idiot. When people treat me badly I do my best to avoid them. Why not try doing that? Strange as it might seem there are other women 'out there' and one of them my end up treating you well.

[davidjones]

Haha I like the bluntness of that, and reading it back it does sound kind of pathetic. But still we were together a long time and it's pretty difficult to just walk away from that. I don't have any worries about finding someone new, I'm aware there are plenty of others 'out there'. But it seems a shame to throw away what we had if there's a chance of sorting it out, we were just so comfortable with each other right from the start, it's unlike anything I've had before and I wouldn't want to regret not trying to sort it out.

[michelle23]

David if you want to meet her-go for it but make sure you are the one calling the shots. If she says "I miss you, want you back" blah blah blah-don't cave in straight away. Tell her straight up if she ever puts you through this again-she wont get another chance. Its all or nothing.

[Boisdevie]

I wouldn't want to regret not trying to sort it out.

Fair point. of course it's important to try to resolve problems in the hope that things work out. But at the same time it's also important when to realise that it's not working, that it's not going to work and you just have to end it.

[davidjones]

Thanks - I think I'll just see what she has to say now and see where I stand, I'm not going to let her string me along any longer.

[michelle23]

best of luck and let us no how it goes

[davidjones]

we went out for a couple of drinks last night and it was generally ok. we got on well and there was no awkwardness when we were chatting and we caught up on what we'd both been up to. then we start talking about if we'd been seeing anyone, she said nothing had happened with her and i told her i'd been on a couple of dates but it wasn't going anywhere. her mood changed slightly after that and she told me a couple of stories of guys hitting on her in a way i obviously wouldn't want to hear. i just said can we not talk about that and she was ok, then unexpectedly she started crying a bit.

she didn't say why or explain but she sorted herself out in a couple of minutes and we chatted for another 20 minutes, she asked if she could see me the following weekend (when she's back from uni for a couple of weeks over easter) and i said sure then we left. we both parked in the same place as she said she'd get scared walking back on her own. as we were walking to the cars she gave me a sudden hug and then i had my arm round her as we walked with her arm round my waist and she nuzzled her head into my shoulder. we got back to the cars and she suddenly started crying again. i calmed her down, said good night and gave her a quick kiss, nothing too passionate but more than you would kiss a friend, it seemed well received.

we didn't talk at all about us or how we were feeling now and i think we'll have to cross that bridge tomorrow. when we were talking at first i was thinking we could be friends like this and meet up every so often with not much other contact, then when she got upset and how she was when we walked it felt strange and like maybe she wanted more?!

mixed signals again i think, but i feel in a place where either way it goes i'm not going to mind too much. i'd like to try again but if she doesn't want to i can happily walk away knowing i've done all i could.