Thinking the grass is greener

[michelle23]

I've noticed that this happens to people a lot.

So your alone and single, fed up with waiting to find the right one and then this amazing person bounces into your life and everything is so perfect and beautiful and romantic. You start planning weddings and babies and thinking you'll grow old together and everything will be wonderful.........

Fast forward 2, 3, 4 or 5 years and people start wondering "is the grass greener", "could I be happier with someone else", "is there someone better out there for me"..

Why does this happen? Any theories? I mean its understandable if you have lots of issues. If you argue all the time and break up every week or if sex is bad or infrequent or if you have nothing in common, never have anything to talk about and are just bored..

BUT it happens to people who are compatible sexually, intellectually, emotionally. Some people break up for no reason at all. Why?

Is it insecurity? Nobody is ever good enough? Unrealistic expectations? Not knowing what love should be like? Thinking its supposed to be something else? Getting confused between infatuation and love? Taking the easy way out??

Ive also noticed that many people end a relationship only to deeply regret it weeks or months later but the damage and hurt has already been done and its very hard to go back or to be taken back..

And what about people who dump a long term partner for someone else? That is just plain wrong. Jumping from one person to the next without a break in between. Why do people do that? Again is it insecurity? Emotional immaturity? Fear of being alone?

[Kromat83]

Being alone is one of the examples.
Never being satisfied with what they got.
Not willing to put in the effort when times are rough.
Being in unknown surroundings, not being able to survive.
Get bored of the person, because it's just the same routine daily.
Promises never being met, one of them being lazy to achieve anything, and just sits around and waits.
Love to some people doesn't mean much, they would rather be financial secure more then anything, worrying about money issues then their love for each other, so it means having to
break up because they don't want to fix what they couldn't control.
I want to love someone most of all, we can help each other succeed in anything we try, we just have to believe in ourselves and stay positive that everything will be alright, which most people don't.

[Wakeup]

Ive also noticed that many people end a relationship only to deeply regret it weeks or months later but the damage and hurt has already been done and its very hard to go back or to be taken back..

This is why I think many people cheat. They don't want to leave in case they don't meet better so they keep what they got and experiment on the sly.

If people are leaving because they think "the grass is greener" it's because there current relationship has gone stale and/or they're taking each other for granted and they miss that "limerence" feeling, that new relationship energy and are too lazy to rekindle it with whom they are currently with... That's my opinion on it, anyway.

[michelle23]

I don't think that is the reason people cheat tbh. I think there are narcissists and sex addicts that cheat purely just for sexual reasons and can never be trusted no matter what but then there are also people who cheat for emotional reason.

1/. not happy
2/. insecure
3/. emotionally immature.

But if they are not happy they should leave, emotionally immature-see a counselor, insecure-don't be in a relationship. Cheating is not the answer.

Bottom line: cheaters are selfish and obviously lack empathy for others and integrity. They have a lot of growing up to do before they should be with anyone.

[michelle23]

And it hurts 100 times more than being left or dumped I think....

[Wakeup]

I don't think that is the reason people cheat tbh. I think there are narcissists and sex addicts that cheat purely just for sexual reasons and can never be trusted no matter what but then there are also people who cheat for emotional reason.

Yes, there are those types along with the type I think cheat... This is why I said "many" people which implies not every one but a lot of them.

But if they are not happy they should leave, emotionally immature-see a counselor, insecure-don't be in a relationship. Cheating is not the answer.

Yes, but many times they are happy, they just can't give up the variety.. that might be the people who are narccissts and sex addicts. "might be"

Bottom line: cheaters are selfish and obviously lack empathy for others and integrity. They have a lot of growing up to do before they should be with anyone.

Bottomline is there is no bottomline. It could also be that cheaters have an addiction just like alchoholics are addicted.. they call it a desease when you have an addictive personality *shrugs* opinions vary on whether it is or it isn't. They have a 12 step programme for addictive cheaters. They could be selfish and they could lack empathy for other and it could have nothign to do with integrity if it is an addiction. Many addicted self-loathe for their actions but haven't been given the grace of hitting rock bottom and have never had to face the consequences of their actions. It's not always black or white but it often is.

I think Tiger Woods loved and was very happy with his wife, I also think Arnold loved Maria and was happy to be her husband.

[michelle23]

But the last 3 things I pointed out were not addictions-they were personality flaws. And I think Tiger woods is a narcissist-not a sex addict. Most sex addicts would not admit they have a problem and he did. Like all addicts they are normally in complete denial and will use every other excuse in the book before admitting it.

I know cheating is not black and white but I do think its unforgivable and people who do that-do not have what it takes to be a good partner so therefore should be single.

[Wakeup]

But the last 3 things I pointed out were not addictions-they were personality flaws. And I think Tiger woods is a narcissist-not a sex addict. Most sex addicts would not admit they have a problem and he did.

How much do you actually know about addiction to be making that kind of statement? Seriously and said without malice. There are plenty of addicts that admit they are one, infact they start out with saying "Hi, my name is "X" and I am an Drug Addict/Alcholic/Sex Addict.

Like all addicts they are normally in complete denial and will use every other excuse in the book before admitting it.

You are just being the silly girl you always end up showing us that you are. The one's who are in denial are the only ones that don't admit to it and they are the ones that haven't been given the grace to hit their own rock bottom. I'm pretty sure when Tiger lost his family and his multi million dollar Nike contract, he hit is personal bottom because his wife and his sponsor refused to enable his addiction by staying with him and not making him reap the consequences of his actions.

I know cheating is not black and white but I do think its unforgivable and people who do that-do not have what it takes to be a good partner so therefore should be single.

Yes, well opinions won't make these people change, particularily if they are addicted to strange. What I think they *should* do is only be with women who are into strange themselves and make it clear that their "union" will be an open one.

[michelle23]

How much do you actually know about addiction to be making that kind of statement? Seriously and said without malice. There are plenty of addicts that admit they are one, infact they start out with saying "Hi, my name is "X" and I am an Drug Addict/Alcholic/Sex Addict.

I am not disputing that. Yes many addicts do admit it eventually and get the help they need. But they normally don't admit it the first time they get caught with their pants around their ankles...

You are just being the silly girl you always end up showing us that you are. The one's who are in denial are the only ones that don't admit to it and they are the ones that haven't been given the grace to hit their own rock bottom. I'm pretty sure when Tiger lost his family and his multi million dollar Nike contract, he hit is personal bottom because his wife and his sponsor refused to enable his addiction by staying with him and not making him reap the consequences of his actions.

I am not talking about addiction here. Sex addiction is very rare. Most cheaters are not sex addicts and I was not referring to them. Everytime someone disagrees with you-you attack with your insults. You might be older than me WU but defo way more immature.

[michelle23]

Yes, well opinions won't make these people change, particularily if they are addicted to strange. What I think they *should* do is only be with women who are into strange themselves and make it clear that their "union" will be an open one.

If the union is open its not cheating so that does not make any sense.

I didn't make this thread about cheating because that is a whole other issue. I want opinions on thinking the grass is greener-not cheating.

[Love'sReject]

Eh, that applies to every other aspect of life. "Am I happy with this amazing, 100k job?" "Am I happy with this Lamborghini?" It's all a part of first-world problems, the fact that there is a lot of choice and freedom. Gets tempting.

[michelle23]

But if you love someone who makes you happy-your compatible emotionally, intellectually, sexually. You trust each other, feel like best friends etc. The chances of finding all of that again with someone else is slim so why do people leave a great relationship?

[Love'sReject]

It's for the same reason. I mean, let's face it; most humans aren't logical. If they were, they'd be content with what they have in your hypothesis. But they ALWAYS feel like there's something missing.

[michelle23]

I think that is just insecurity

[Love'sReject]

Yeah. Most folks are really just broken humans and look for something possibly non-existent to fill the void.