Clearing the smoke from my eyes.. i feel kinda bad.

[whatname]

No, i am a bit narcassistic, i have always seen my self as royalty in some sense, much of it having to do with things that happened in the past, like when i was younger and used to go to my parent's native country, everyone would say, would say.. "wow( insert my moms name) your son is very handsome, how come he is so white, he has beautiful blue eyes,", etc, etc, i was always treated as a prince because of how i looked, and as very smart because i remember when i was younger i would show off i knew how to multiply or something to my less educated cousins who were even older than me, on top of that my father for example is very arrogant but hes delusional in a way i couldnt ever dream of being, and instilled in me a sense of intelligence, my mother instilled in me a sense of responsibleness, so i grew up as someone who felt good about him self, was mature above his years, was calm under arguments, got very good grades, and thought very highly of my self because i lived up to it, i was smart i suppose, i was lauded so much, i looked nice, and it was great, i got an identity of being a very composed person, wise in a sense.

But then im also filled with many insecurities that i myself can spot and admit to which i find is atleast part of that personality i just described that makes me feel kinda "smart"...

Ive always been a bit introverted so i can be socially awkward and for the last 2 years ive cared about my looks like never before, to the point where smackie might be correct when saying i may be worst than chicks with anorexia in that the way ive focused on my looks is so deep that someone less capable could have gone crazy or worst...i dont allow my self to feel like what i perceive an idiot would feel, or cut my self like emo people would do for example because it doesnt come to mind and if it does id look at it as a violation to who i "Am", along with anxiety problems sometimes, i might see people talk and point out, hey that guy was trying to impose himself on that guy, or i might say in my mind, how will i react, how do i have to act in order to impose my self on this guy in this argument, how do i make sure i put this guy down, etc, and those are insecurities i see...


But sometimes i feel so quick witted, great arguments, great communication..


Bff i can be a bit of a "controlled" mess..i dont even know how to put it.

And maybe im not ugly to others as i am to my self sometimes because i did go out on 2 dates with a gorgeous chick that looked like rashida jones ( she asked me out) and this other girl also asked me out to like a party because we were friends at that time and i said i wasnt interested in a nice way because i knew what she wanted and on top of that i didnt feel like going to the party ( all this like 7 months ago), and i have never been called ugly in my life either so who knows..for the most part if i ever felt down its been down to self obsession...

Like the witch from snow white or something..

I dont think most other guys really see them selves as i do, some may be bothered by how they look because they might not think they look cute or badass or something, but deep inside i guess i just see my self as a prince that i once was and i try to up hold my self to that image of grandeur..

Like i dont usually go around and say " hey that person is inferior to me", but something i used to say when i was little was, that guy is brown.. ( same nationality as me) he cant be better looking because im white, have blue eyes, and thus better!) I still have the confidence of looking at my self like that and saying, hey i have that charm! but then i smile the wrong way or under the wrong light and i feel like an asshole.

So the pedestal ive put my self in has been broken, and now i have to build a healthier platform or something along the lines.

The biggest thing that has bitten me the past 2 days is that this one girl seems to me atleast a bit curious to know me more based on what she has done and said, i post a thread about it, and ive talked to her, and she surely has seen pics of me on fb where i look nice but then i think to my self, GOD DAMN, if i really am ugly, am i just embarassing my self here with this chick!?

What i guess ill do is be her friend and accept who i am, but i guess you can all understand what ive gone through, ive said enough.

[whatname]

Another thing is that under certain lighting, i sometimes look identical to how i looked years ago only with shorter hair, but the thing is that when i look at ANY picture of that time, i look as good as i do now under CERTAIN angles and lighting, so i dont know how messed up my perception is, or how i look is...

Does this mean that when im not smiling, i always looked the way i see my self now? becuase under a certain light or angle i look exactly like i used to, federer is a CHIMP compared to how i loo sometimes but then i get close to the mirror in an ugly light, and i look worst than a dirty rock..so i guess that maybe ive always been like this and just look older, and if thats the case i dont know how id feel.

Good because i still look the same, albeit now i realize i always looked crap although i used to be called handsome every day and i can just live normally..

Or bad that i my whole past is now a mystery and lie in a sense to even me..


BURGGHHH. I will lose the weight i have to lose, wear the clothes, fix my self, and then fudge it.

[smackie9]

Actually if you show pride in your looks (doesn't matter what type) and you take care of yourself health wise, then add some confidence in yourself, that's all it really takes.

[michelle23]

if you feel you are narcassistic. there is treatment and people that can help you. if you really are one then you would prob hurt a girl that loves you. you need to get help before you can be in a healthy relationship.

[Love'sReject]

Whatname sounds like a deluded asshole who's finally realizing how empty he really is. Royalty, my ass: royal arrogant tool, more like. What you really need is to be brought down to earth, pardon the common phrase.

[whatname]

Nah, Lol deluded asshole? anyone can be such about anything, but my self reflection is too strong for me to be TOO much of an idiot about anything...which is what u are implying. IM More of a healthy, civil, smart person than most imo. If anything i make sure im the biggest asshole of them all whenever i feel someones asking for it. I dont treat others like sht if i have blue eyes and they dont for example.

I dont sit here thinking im better than everyone in a "bad" way, i just hold a high standard and when i realize that sometimes i might misjudge, it can create a bit of a shock but im recovering, like smackie said, a bit of confidence about this issue for example is what it takes.

[Love'sReject]

A bit narcisstic? " i have always seen my self as royalty in some sense", that sure is one modest way of being disgustingly immodest. "was mature above his years": you aren't allowed to decide that you're mature above your years. That's an evident sign that you are NOT. Given your history of being flattered, it's no surprise your ego is gargantuan and now your ego is trying to be modest perhaps out of guilt or cognizant of the fact that your hubris might alienate everyone.

[whatname]

Im an introverted guy, from this i can tell u that i dont make much interaction with people, and most of my friends have come from them approaching ME, so i dont alienate people. I try to be understanding with them, open minded, in an argument im not the one that leaves first because the foundations have been shook, i try to talk through, because i find that to be a virtue. Never gotten in a fight, and never given anyone who didnt "deserve" it, a reason to hate me. No, pompous asshole is not me. Evil jackass is not me.

I used royalty because thats really how i can relate it to. When i went to my parents native country, most people are brown skinned with a certain type of look, im white, blue eyes, and good looking depending on my mood.. lol, so i always got a compliment like that, that i looked like someone from germany rather than from where my parents are, and i felt great, ( in large part because in society we are fed that TYPE A looks better and means more than TYPE B, me being able to tell u this and reflect on it i see as a virtue that most deluded people wouldnt be able to do!) i was lauded, looked up to, always been held up high...thats like when a guest in a home says, ive been treated like a king! I have in such ways...doesnt mean i see myself as someone whos better in such a "look down upon" way.

Mature above my years?

I relate that to maybe giving advice to children and adults on whats "right" and "wrong" even when i was a kid, and knowing what was right and wrong without being drilled at it..Some people never learn, but i did and have learned many things, even since i was very young...



I have an ego, but its not an entirely deadly one..

I think im calm, understanding, and wise in many ways, and for the most part think im good looking except when the bad lighting or bad facial expression creeps in..and thats an insecurity..

I hold a personal guideline just how you do by trying to tell me im an asshole and that that is bad..

My personal guideline is be smart in order to live a peaceful life, learn to see things from many views, and when i see that there might be problems ( or atleast what i consider as such) when it comes to my views, yes i may get a bit shaken up...

This degree of expectation and self value can be held as being a BIT NARCISSISTIC, because it invoked much about what being such is all about, but the part u describe, I AM NOT! lol

[Love'sReject]

That doesn't explain the obsession with looks. You've got body dysmorphic disorder most likely if you received such illustrious praise for your looks and still manage to have EXTREME, compulsive doubts about it.

[whatname]

Well its weird because i never used to think about my looks ever until a few years back where i have been made more self aware of social expectations if you will..

like when i smile under the right lighting i look how i used to look but then i dont in others so its a question of mine because i guess i just feel better if i think of my self of having the ability to have more of a chance with hotter women and gaining respect because after all having good looks can come a long way.


This illustrious praise came years back when i had a bit more hair, was more thinner, and based on pictures i still think my face looked a bit more contour, so im going to work on it, but the difference i see due to lighting and other effects is astonishing because im unsure and insecure to how i look, which is important because for ME i find it to be important towards what i want..

It doesnt exactly mean i see ugly people in a low sense, so its an obsessions with what i put on a pedestal..

Ive never been called ugly, i have managed to create recent connections with women, where they approach me, and interesting story, that two years back i was very fat, decided to get a buzz cut, thought i looked horrible sometimes, but got atleast 10 compliments from people in a week, so i dont know...either they were just being nice, or they ment it..

lol @ siteadmin, why? i dont look down upon people, what am i a douche for?

[SiteAdmin]

*****Final warning for whataname*****

Please dont manually overide my "locked threads". I just cant find the lock button, so I need to just trust folks.

[whatname]

Hehehe go ahead and ban me if u can, i dare you!

[basilandthyme]

A bit narcisstic? " i have always seen my self as royalty in some sense", that sure is one modest way of being disgustingly immodest. "was mature above his years": you aren't allowed to decide that you're mature above your years. That's an evident sign that you are NOT. Given your history of being flattered, it's no surprise your ego is gargantuan and now your ego is trying to be modest perhaps out of guilt or cognizant of the fact that your hubris might alienate everyone.

ROFL this is the Pot Calling the Kettle Black if ever I've seen it.

LR, your description of whatname is how people see YOU. Granted that intstead of your looks, you rave about your intelligence and how dumb the rest of Murrica is - but the outcome is really no different.

[Love'sReject]

No, really, what I said just can't be turned against me. I'm pretty humble myself. Totally mistook OP but not regrettably; I'm vigilant and ever watchful for arrogance, a one man anti-egotism patrol if you will. There is definitely not any irony at work here.

[whatname]

I can see that you dont like people that might come off as narrow minded or pompous or egotistic but you have to see that sometimes you may look like an dick to some, like when i was talking about something and you told me i was on drugs i think it was? I was civil before that, and kept it relatively civil after it as well...

You might say it was a joke or something, or i dont know, but it comes off as "arrogance" or a d!ck move, so unless you dont care about double standards..that seems weird to me.

Too much assuming?