I don't think I love my girlfriend anymore, hard situation, we live abroad.

[sheely]

Hey everyone, thanks for taking the time to read this. I really do appreciate any advice as I'm feeling pretty desperate.

I'm pretty sure I am not in love with my girlfriend. We have been together 2 and a half years and 5 months ago we moved half way across the world, away from our family and friends. I love her, but I just feel like I don't find her attractive anymore, I don't feel any urge to be affectionate and it creeps me out when she touches me- like it would do if I a friend tried to touch you intimately. She's a great girl though, I can't fault her, I just can't get myself back to the place where I was IN love with her. Worst of all, I don't want to try to be back in love with her. I want to break up with her but I feel like I can't, we live together in a big house full of other people we are mutually friends with. We don't really have our own friends here, just friends to both of us, and I know she wouldn't have the support system that she would at home if we were to break up. We wouldn't really have a place to go to to get some space from each other.

I have been feeling this way a while. About a year ago I drunkenly said I wasn't sure how I felt but she was so devastated I just pushed it to the back of my head. About 6 months ago I met a girl at my old work who I really liked. I told my girlfriend I had feelings for someone else and she was so upset to the point of throwing up and having panic attacks. I am just too worried of doing any damage to make moves to break up, or even talk about how I'm feeling. At the moment, I always see girls I like and could imagine making moves on them which I know is wrong, it just confirms my feelings to me that I'm not in love with gf.

What should I do? I want to break up with her but feel like it is impossible. I know if I even started talking about not loving her she'd have a breakdown.

Thanks for reading.

[michelle23]

you havnt mentioned anything bad about her. maybe its just you not wanting a relationship, fear of commitment, insecurity, unrealistic expectations?

did you ever really love her or have you always had these doubts from the start? if yes, you should find a way to end it.

but on the otherhand you could just be thinking "is the grass greener" because of the above things i mentioned.

you need to be sure either way as there is no going back if you break her heart.

if you do break up-dont add salt to her wounds by immediately dating someone else. stay on your own for awhile and give her some time to heal before she has to find out youve replaced her.

[sheely]

It is true I haven't mentioned anything bad about her because there literally isn't anything I can fault her on. She is loving, caring, looks out for me, doesn't nag or have unrealistic expectations, doesn't make me feel mad about myself. This is what makes this situation a lot harder. It is literally about me just not being in love with her.

I wouldn't be dating someone straight away, I yearn for the single life. I haven't really been single for 5 years, I've always been involved and exclusive to someone.

[Wakeup]

Hey everyone, thanks for taking the time to read this. I really do appreciate any advice as I'm feeling pretty desperate.

I'm pretty sure I am not in love with my girlfriend. We have been together 2 and a half years and 5 months ago we moved half way across the world, away from our family and friends. I love her, but I just feel like I don't find her attractive anymore, I don't feel any urge to be affectionate and it creeps me out when she touches me- like it would do if I a friend tried to touch you intimately. She's a great girl though, I can't fault her, I just can't get myself back to the place where I was IN love with her. Worst of all, I don't want to try to be back in love with her. I want to break up with her but I feel like I can't, we live together in a big house full of other people we are mutually friends with. We don't really have our own friends here, just friends to both of us, and I know she wouldn't have the support system that she would at home if we were to break up. We wouldn't really have a place to go to to get some space from each other.

I have been feeling this way a while. About a year ago I drunkenly said I wasn't sure how I felt but she was so devastated I just pushed it to the back of my head. About 6 months ago I met a girl at my old work who I really liked. I told my girlfriend I had feelings for someone else and she was so upset to the point of throwing up and having panic attacks. I am just too worried of doing any damage to make moves to break up, or even talk about how I'm feeling. At the moment, I always see girls I like and could imagine making moves on them which I know is wrong, it just confirms my feelings to me that I'm not in love with gf.

What should I do? I want to break up with her but feel like it is impossible. I know if I even started talking about not loving her she'd have a breakdown.

Thanks for reading.

Read up on codependency and educate yourself on what ails you. Once you fix yourself, you'll be able to leave her. Once you realize that you are going to hurt her whether you stay and be indifferent to her or leave and check out this new chick or, the worst you stay and screw the new girl behine your gf's back. No matter what you do, you will hurt her so choose the least hurting route and leave now so that she can get over you and eventually find someone who will appreciate her and not be falling in love with other women while still with her.

It's not against the law to leave someone you don't want to be with so put your codependency to the side and go. She was fine before she met you and she'll be fine after you're gone ... eventually.

To add:

I know she wouldn't have the support system that she would at home if we were to break up.

She would have the support of your mutual friends. If you break up with her,you leave her where she is and YOU find a new place to live... She can go back home as well if she doesn't want to live there without you.

[Rowen]

It sounds like she's very dependent on how you're feeling about her... But, in the end, it's best to be honest.

You need to tell her that you don't feel the same way about her anymore. Tell her that it was not her fault and make it CLEAR. Be sure to explain this was just a case of you realizing you're not compatible with her. In the end, she will be devastated, but she'd feel worse if you continued this charade any longer.

I agree with Wakeup that it's best for you to try to find somewhere else to stay. At least, try to get yourself into a situation where you can afford to move out by staying where you are after you dump her.

But if you really mean all the nice things you say about her, don't lead her on anymore. Just tell her the truth. She deserves that much, at least.
And what you felt I don't think was love. I think you were infatuated because love does not go away.