Is he playing me?

[EmmyBelle]

My ex and I were together almost six months, and we were very madly in love. We broke up about 6 weeks ago, and I've been having a rough time handling it all. I have depression and he has been my rock the past few months. He was thinking about breaking up because he couldn't handle the distance anymore. I can't give him the real physical touch and affection he craves for. We both crave it, but I am/was patient enough to wait on it until we could be together. When I told him I was letting him go, he said "Maybe we can try this again in a year or two, when you run your life." (I have crazy family problems that limited my time with him)

Two weeks after we broke up, he got a job and I've noticed on his facebook that he's already been hanging out with some new girls. He has been talking to me since the breakup, and he has been quiet flirty. Especially last week, he talks like we never even broke up. He's said "I love you" a couple times, I told him the same. We skyped a couple weeks ago, and ended up getting naughty. I feel guilty about it to be honest. While we were skyping and I took my top off he said "I can't wait until you're here and I can play with you in person"

I am trying my best to handle this well, but deep down, I'm a torn up mess. I live out on a farm with my parents in the middle of nowhere in Florida. I don't get a chance to get out much, and even if I did, I'd have nowhere to go. Plus, I do not have any friends near me. While he lives in Pheonix, has a job, lots of friends, etc.

I feel like he's gained so much from the breakup, and I've lost the only person and thing I actually had faith in. I feel so empty, and everything is so pointless to me.

He also asked about some guy who has been flirting with me. He said "eh, don't worry about him. You're mine." But I made some sort of status the other night about a guy I kinda like, and he messaged me, and he seemed really jealous. Yet he adds all these beautiful women on his profile, and I see him flirting with them. But I do not say anything, no matter how much the pain hurts.

This week we didn't talk as much, and he called me "dude" which I thought was odd. I feel so ugly next to all of those beautiful women he talks to. Some of them are models. I'm just some clumsy little farm girl.

Why would he tell me that the distance is killing him, yet he tells me he loves me and flirts with me after we break up? I am so lost here.

I want to ask him why he's acting like this but I'm scared that would drive him away. I want him back. I want to be with him. I need him. I can only hope I'll be with him by the time I leave this farm next summer. Please give me your opinions and advice. I am totally lost. I always thought if two people really TRULY loved each other, distance would not matter. Should I count on him? I posted this a couple weeks ago and got only one response. I need other opinions please.

[basilandthyme]

You might want him back, but you can't offer what he needs: to have a proper relationship where you can see each other whenever you want. At best you can only HOPE to be with him next summer.....that won't be enough to get him to change his mind.

As for true love over coming distance...that's just romantic tosh. Reality is that the far majority of us need to be together so that our various needs (companionship, physical affection, doing fun things together) can be met.

[michelle23]

With LDR's it is rare that they work out. It is just a fantasy because you don't get to spend enough time together. The physical intimacy and affection is lacking which makes that deep emotional bond easily broken and it gets boring. Its also hard to trust each other and neither of you feel safe or secure.

I think its a waste of time. Let him find a local girl and you find a local guy. Its just not meant to be

[oxytocinbite]

long distance relationships are not a waste of time but I would moved on from this guy. Some people can't handle the distance and crave physical touch to much. He sounds like he is keeping you on this sidelines because he knows you will always be there to date again or get naughty with if he gets lonely...which is not right. You should move on from him. I don't get out much either and don't really live next to a lot of people. I understand you are lonely and maybe even a little depressed.

If you end up getting into another long distance relationship then don't listen to everyone saying that they never work out. I have always dated long distance and it does take a lot of commitment to stay in one. The guy I am dating right now is worth it though and is planning on moving closer to me in 8 months or so.

Stay strong and carry on, delete him off your Facebook or whatever you keep in touch with. If he realizes you are moving on he may even come back knowing what he lost, if not it was better that way.

[michelle23]

have any of your LDR worked out? Can you name three people that have survived long distance for a long time? I mean unless your willing to stop your whole life and move away from your home, family, friends, job etc than the chances of it working out are slim.

I know a couple in an LDR but they still see each other at least 3 days a week (sometimes more) coz theres only a few hours distance and they are both trying to get a new job so they can move closer to each other. I believe that relationship will work out..

[EmmyBelle]

Actually Michelle, my parents were in a LDR for almost two years. They have been married for 34 years now. Can they work? Yes, but only if BOTH people in the relationship are willing to make it work.

[Wakeup]

I believe they only work when there is a set plan in place that one or the other will soon be moving to be in the same city as the other... and a date in place when that will happen. Perpetual long distance rarely works out because of the very reason your's didn't Emmy. You're too young to be worrying about being with someone you very rarely see. Work on yourself for now, your family issues you talk about as well and put dating on hold for the time being until you can give yourself into the relationship without outside worry.

Best way to get over him is to stop creeping his social networking sites, go zero contact and stop hoping you'll reconcile. He wasn't meant to be your life-mate don't waste anymore thought on him so you'll get to the stage of indifference to him and then you'll be open to being 100% ready to scout out the next guy who may be your life-mate.

You'll be fine with time and what you do with your time to help you get over the disappointment.

[EmmyBelle]

Thank you for the advice. I think right now is the time to focus on me. I need to treat myself to special things, no need to worry about him anymore. He is no longer a part of me.