Dumped as being too good, or what?

[s65a92]

Recently I have been dumped after a 3 months long relationship. To keep the story short, we met on eHarmony in Oct 2012, started dating early Nov 2012, ended end of Feb 2013.

In the first two months all was going well and it was a great fun and for both it looked as a relationship that goes in a positive direction. Then, just after NY the things started changing. Emails got less frequent, some of the texts got ignored, and it was obvious that some distance is taking place. Also intimacy started to fade. I asked what is going on once, and again, and the answer was "nothing". Now the strange part is that at the same time as it was obvious that things are going not good my ex kept giving signals and messages of her commitment. She started planning me for hers sister wedding overseas, than she said that she is just a hair thickness far from asking to meet my kids (at the beginning we agreed that the kids should stay away until we see where we are heading), then she gave me the keys of her house and also kept saying that she is impressed with the things I do - impressed with restaurants I pick for dinner, impressed with theater we go to, impressed with dishes I make in my kitchen, impressed in my bedroom, impressed in my bathtub, ...

All what she said and what she has done was giving only one message - that she is interested in me and she finds pleasure in sharing time with me.

But!

Mid Feb we went out for dinner and all was good until we went back into car. Then she started crying and sobbing that she needs a break, that she needs space, that I am making big deal of everything, etc. I parked aside and wanted to talk, as I was quite surprised with such an emotional reaction. I asked what does she mean with me making big deal, and then she said about me accidentally hitting her with a trolly in supermarket and saying "sorry sorry" was a big deal, and then when her car got hit with lightning I called her to ask how she is, and when she burnt her palm with oil I asked does she need some help ... and she presented all of that as me making big deal of everything.

I was completely confused, asked is she joking with me, and to tell me what is really going on. Then she changed story saying that she does not know why she does not feel like before, she just needs space to rethink and find out does she need and miss me or not.

Still confused we went to her place, as I could not drive home that night I slept there, better to say stayed awake the whole night, and in the morning started packing my stuff in a bag to go, to leave, I took it as over, as break is never a break in my experience, it is always an end.

She woke up and I said to her that I feel like an idiot, that she misled me so badly, that she kept giving me hope that things are going well while she wanted to end it, and I want her to open up and tell me what the problem is because all how it was presented it is all mixed up and does not have much sense. Also asked her why she never said that something is not going well when it happened for the first time, why she kept silent about problem if one existed.

She started crying again and said that she does not know hot to talk the problems and that she wanted to provoke me to leave with starting some senseless arguments so that I get pissed off and I leave her. That was very mean I said, and she responded that is what she does. ?????

As she was all in tears all the talk did not have any point at that time so we agreed to make a break of 2-3 weeks and to talk after that. I was then about to leave, said I am going to pick up my push bike from her garage, and then she jumped again and started crying that I should not take everything. Then I got confused again, you want me to leave, but you want me to come back ??? Ok, rethink it, see you in 3 weeks.

Same day she sent me an email saying that she is very sorry, that she cares about me very much, but she does not know why her feelings changed and that she just needs a few weeks time to rethink, that it is not me the reason, it is all her. Ok, no worries, see you then.

These following two weeks were terrible for me. I kept thinking about all what she said, all what she has done, all that we have done together, all the things over and over and over, and finally her explanations from the last night. I simply could not put all that together. Then started asking myself "what the heck big deal, the trolley, the burnt hand???" she used to say sorry each time she brakes on red light. Should I say that is a big deal? No, I found it just as an easy escape route to get out of this, just as a devised initial starting point for ending relation.

Then kept thinking why would she give me such signals of commitments if she did not mean it? Was that a game? Was that a confusion in her head? Was that some kind of fear that she is unable to express and cope with it? Did she finish her previous relation in her head, as she said she did? Is there a third person involved? All of these questions were in my head since than.

Now, end of Feb I called and asked for a coffee, she agreed, we went out for a coffee, ended up in her favorite place and had dinner. Conversation was quite relaxed without even touching the main subject, she asked about my kids, my new house that I moved in just a week ago, etc. Then on the way home I said "talk to me", she started crying again, kept saying that she cant go any further. I just asked why? Things being that good can not become that bad in such a short period of time without a reason. She simply could not answer any of my questions, just said it is nothing with me, I am perfect, it is her. Another joke or what??? Then I said that I can't be in a relation with someone who does not open up and talk, both good and bad. I also said I know it is hard to talk about hard topics, but that is only way to go in a relationship. I said lets try it together, to go slowly from here, to see what is going on and to talk, talk, talk. And let us do it together, hand in hand. She answered "no, I think it is over". I was silent for some time, sad, hurt, disappointed, confused. Then I pulled out an envelope from my glove box saying "this was for you, I wanted to give you this on 14th of Feb, but did not have a chance, it is yours anyhow" It was her favorite CD and she started crying again, took it and left the car.

That was two weeks ago, and I am still as confused as I was before. I never asked is there a third person involved, so if that was the case, then fair enough. The end is the end.

But, what I wanted to ask you on this forum is to give some comments on all of this.

I will not say do I want her back or not, that is not relevant at the moment, I would just appreciate your help in understanding the whole story, as it looks very very confusing to me.

Regards,