Boyfriend defensive when talking about me wanting more sex

[poathomson]

My boyfriend of almost 2 years and I have a great sex life, we usually have sex weekly which I am fine with, but in the past couple months it has gone down to once every 2 weeks. Any time I do want sex he says hes to tired because I prefer sex at night and he prefers it in the morning(as I know many guys do). When I bring it up that I am wanting it more he sort of just doesn't answer and when I bug him for a answer he gets defensive and says he isnt a overly sexual individual, though I know its not true, he is just more sexual in the morning. I am wondering how I am to talk to him about it where we can actually discuss it so we can work out how it will be fair to both of us?

[michelle23]

Could you not just go to bed a little earlier at night? And compromise to morning sex when you both don't have work? Or have evening sex?

Sex should never be restricted to a certain time of day or a certain amount of times a week... Do you know how to turn each other on? It should be easy and spontaneous.

[poathomson]

Could you not just go to bed a little earlier at night? And compromise to morning sex when you both don't have work? Or have evening sex?

Sex should never be restricted to a certain time of day or a certain amount of times a week... Do you know how to turn each other on? It should be easy and spontaneous.

I have been trying to make it more spontaneous but we both have busy college schedules and we go to different colleges in our city. When we are not in school for holidays it is a lot easier because we don't have to have a schedule, but in school its almost like it needs to be put in the weekly planner, which I want to get rid of.

[michelle23]

how often do you see each other? What alone time do you spend together?

[Wakeup]

Maybe he just likes sex when his mind isn't cluttered with worries about school and assignments so he's most aroused in the morning before his schedule ruins it mentally for him?

My advice: If you want it more then what you're getting it then do it when he's most wanting it. Save evening romps for when you're on school breaks.

[basilandthyme]

I agree with going to bed earlier. Nights are probably my worst time for sex - but with a family life, it's pretty much what we are restricted to. So for me, going to bed while I'm still actually awake is a huge help.

Also, I noted that you're aiming for spontaneous sex. But don't underestimate scheduled sex. For eg; Hubby wanted it Saturday night, but we'd both had too much to drink and I was sooo ready to go to sleep. I said 'no' but I also rescheduled it for Sunday night. Because we knew it was on, we stayed sober and went to bed earlier.

Lastly, is it possible that the problems inside the bedroom are stemming from issues outside the bedroom? If the relationship has 'ups and downs' or if he's not 100% happy, it could be that he doesn't want to have sex with you. Do you ever nag him? That will turn a guy off.

[michelle23]

Ya i agree. You said hes defensive when you talk about it. Putting pressure on him will only make it worse. Instead just try to seduce him whenever your in the mood.

And make sure hes not the one doing all the work all the time. You need give and take. Ask him is there anything different hed like to try.

Do you make an effort to look good for him? And personal hygiene is important.

And leave the light on/blankets off.plus make sure you show enthusiasm.

If its the same thing each time he might be bored. Do a different position.

[poathomson]

No I don't nag him, we very rarely fight and we are really happy together and he says it to me that he is the happiest he's ever been because I don't nag him and don't get angry. We are best friends with each other and talk things out instead of fight. i brought it back up today and we talked it over more easily today and everything has been worked out, we are going to compromise with each other for our wants. The problems were family and school related, he has had a lot of family situations happening lately which has been busying his mind a lot.


And as for appearance and hygiene I am extremely obsessive with cleanliness, and I dress up for him sometimes which he enjoys.

[Sam29]

It possible that he is most sexually active during the daytime. As a guy, if I feel the need during the day I will take care of myself, and by nighttime I just want to sleep. He may be defensive because he doesn't want to tell you this.

[pepperanne1016]

do not nag him because if you nag him hes not going to want to have sex at all. and sex should not be had at a specific time your in love you should do it when it feels right and at the right times. be spontaneous about it. be willing to compromise have sex in the mornings sometimes then at night sometimes.