I love him, but I want to be single.

[Niamhy-Pie_93]

I'm 19 years old and I've been single about 5 months now. I was in a relationship for just over a year. I ended the relationship because it had become emotionally draining, stressful and toxic. I've suffered from depression for five years, I decided I need to focus on getting better and getting myself happy on my own. I want to be single for a while until I feel good and ready to get back into a relationship or anything. But I recently started spending more time with one of my closest friends who is also an ex of mine. We went out years ago but have always had some kind of connection. I care deeply for him and I have always loved him but I really don't want a relationship right now and I've made that clear but we have gotten intimate again. We act like a couple, we're comfortable with eachother, and most importantly we make eachother happy. No-one has ever made me feel happy like he does, I'm always smiling, always laughing and just being my crazy, weird random self around him. I think he might want to get back together at some point but I'm afraid. I know I'm not ready and I just feel either we'll get together and after a couple weeks I'll break it off for no apparent reason, I'll just feel I need to or that I'll end up feeling dependent on him like I really need him and he'll end it and I'll be distraught and also our friendship will most likely be ruined and well he's the best friend I've ever had I've known him 7 years I can't imagine my life without him. I like how things are and I don't want things to change. Back when we first got involved we were already intimate for about a month before we got together and I ended up breaking it off with him after a week for no apparent reason I mean we still continued to be intimate afterward for a few months on and off. I guess I'm afraid of history repeating itself but him not being so understanding this time. I really don't want to hurt him but is what I'm doing wrong? Being intimate with him even though there may not be a future with us? Please help I don't know what to do.

[basilandthyme]

Being intimate without being a relationship is only wrong if he's unware that you're using him. If he's fine with being a no-strings FWB, then what you're doing is OK.

[goodluckchuck]

I agree with with basilandthyme. Do you know or have you asked him how he feels? ...Sounds like you should continue to focus on getting better and getting yourself happy on your own.

[renegade235]

As long as he knows where you stand I agree as well. And you definitely don't want to sacrifice your state of mind just to be in a relationship. I completely understand where you are coming from because I had an ex that had a similar situation play out. I think you are handling it much better than she did. Maybe things will stabilize and develop in time just let it ride if you are both ok with it

[Rowen]

I would tell him exactly how you're feeling. Tell him that you're not sure if you're ready, as well. Don't let him pressure you, though. Just be honest and up front with him. Make it clear to him that it's nothing that he did wrong- that this is in your head and you need to sort it out, that it wouldn't be fair to him to get back together if you were unsure of these things. In the end, he should respect your honesty, even if it hurts a little. But you have to make it clear that it's nothing that he's been doing or hasn't been doing.