How do you feel about a woman pursuing a man after he rejected her?

[Thelonious]

Me and this guy have been friends for two years now. Last autumn we realised we both had romantic feelings for eachother and talked about dating. He is dealing with some issues from previous, rough break-ups and told me he needed to take things slow. Initially I told him I understood, but I suppose I got quite insecure about him and his lack of initiative in regards to asking me out and reciprocating the attention I gave him. We talked and before Christmas he told me that he thought we'd be better off as friends. He needed to heal, he told me.

I was hurt, but we remained friends, even though it was awkward the first few times we hung out. I think he understands that I still have feelings for him, and my gut tells me that his - quite apparent- insecurity around me, and awkwardness whenever he meets me with my male acquaintances, mean that he isn't quite over his feelings - whatever they were - for me. Maybe I'm wrong. But now that the first hurt is over, I realise how sad it is that we didn't further explore the great chemistry between us. Maybe we'd make a great couple, maybe not. But it's such a waste not trying to find out?

I'd like to pursue him. Not aggressively, I just want to socialize and contact him more than we do now as friends. Without admitting my romantic intentions. Just to find out what happens. The worst that can happen is getting hurt more. Silly as it may sound, he is worth that pain. Do you think this is a terrible idea? And how would men/you perceive a woman who pursued them/you even after they/you rejected her?

[Rowen]

If I rejected someone and they didn't take no for an answer, I would actually be repulsed by it... I've rejected guys before (Yes, I'm gay, but it works the same way.), and while some of them told me that they respected my wishes, they still kept "discreetly" pursuing me. In the end, it pushed me away and caused for me to want to ignore them to get space away from them. By not giving up, it pushed me away instead of drawing me closer with their passion.


He's expressed to you that he needs time to heal. He said that it'd be better to be friends. You need to respect that. By not accepting no for an answer and continuing to pursue him, even if it's not in an aggressive way, is childish and disrespectful of his wishes.

So, the answer is no. I won't sit here and tell you this is a grand idea. In the end, it's going to push him away and hurt you more because you'll be screwing up your friendship as well. He needs a friend right now, not a lover. If you can't handle being his friend, then I would suggest you leave him alone for a while. No one heals overnight. It's that simple.

I'm sorry if I sound a bit harsh, but that's how I see things.

[basilandthyme]

I've been pursued after having said "no". I found it extremely disrespectful and it made me even more convinced that dating them would be a bad idea.

[VincenzoG91]

A woman should never chase a man or a bus. The next one will be along soon enough.

[Wakeup]

^^^ The very concept of the book "He's Just Not That Into You."

[ashley89]

why would you want to keep pursuing someone who flat out told you they aren't interested? have some respect for yourself and his wishes. if you keep persisting it will become annoying and soon he will want nothing to do with you.