What to do ?

[David_d]

Hello,

I am writing here to get some advice. Basically the situation is that I'm in love with the girlfriend of a friend of mine. Here is the story in more details. I met her one year and 2 month ago. Since then I couldn't have stop thinking about her. Eventually (about 4 month ago), one night, going home after a party, I told her my feelings and she was very kind to me. We went to her home and spend the night huging and talking. She said that she was really attached to me but that she love her boyfriend and that we cannot be together (although she said that if she wasn't with her boyfriend she would be with me). Since that day we started to see each other during the day (during the week-end) to talk and walk or just sit at her place like good friend. We also saw each other every week-end with our friends (getting out and drinking/ playing card etc basically) and I loved her a bit more each day. The problem is that I suffer a lot to see her with her boyfriend and knowing that she has strong feeling for me too make me more jealous, sad and embittered (and it appear to me that I love her more than her boyfriend, but maybe I'm wrong...). One day I mentioned the fact that I maybe wanted to stop (totally) seeing her to avoid further pain by watching her getting more serious with her boyfriend, and she strongly reacted telling me that I should have made this decision earlier (I didn't thought that she was so attached to me). Time passes and similar discussion occur but both of us couldn't (and still can't) make that decision. The fact is that I can't lose hope even if she tells me that she won't leave her boyfriend for me. I cannot imagine my future without her (I'll spare you the "she so beautiful nice, perfect etc"), I know I love her (it's the first time I love someone). What should I do ?
Thanks in advance for your answer

[Rowen]

I'm sorry, I don't think there's a way to pull out of this without causing problems... Buddy, you've already fallen into the poisonous snake pit.

If I were you, I would get some distance from her to avoid getting hurt. She obviously has a boyfriend she cares about. And a relationship should be between two people- not three. How would you feel if you were in her boyfriend's shoes and found out another guy was moving in on your girl? Especially your friend?

However, if you want to be a backstabbing prick and ruin a friendship for a woman who probably won't stick with you. Technically, right now, she's cheating on him whether you want to acknowledge the big freaking elephant in the room or not. And if she's cheated once, what makes you think you'd be any special to her that she wouldn't do it again? After all, I'm sure she makes her boyfriend feel special, doesn't she?

Overall, to be completely blunt, you're childish and objectifying her. If you really love her, leave her the hell alone for good until she either sorts out all the stupid crap going on in her head or is single. It seems to me you can't handle a friendship, so if you love her, leave. She's a human being...not a piece of property on which to build your house.

[leegmoser]

I totally agree with you Rowen and also understand the feelings of David_d.

Love can make you do anything and sacrifice for what will be better in the end. Love is intense and passionate. Everything seems brighter, happier and more wonderful when you're in love. If you find it, don't let it go. but if not then leave. You should try to understand the feelings of love and friendship. Both are different and have its own values.