confused about a girl

[limpmode]

Hello everyone,

My first post and I'm obviously confused hence why I sought out this forum.

I want to start by saying that I have a physical disability. I can walk around, but my balance is terrible. I have fatigue issues as well so I tend to focus my energies on school instead of getting caught up in too much socializing, etc. I've also gained a bit of weight which surely doesn't help me out as far as mobility and concealing my great looks (haha).

Just for some back story, which may sound like a complete joke but last fall I was browsing facebook and stumbled upon what I thought was a very neat girl who's also going to my school (University). So last December I decided to take a shot in the dark and send a message. We added each other as 'friends' and talked for a bit over the PM. Nothing like goo-goo-gaga, just casual talking. Somehow she asked me why I do something, and I accidentally stumbled into saying that I have a disability. After the holidays I suggested that we meet up sometime for coffee to which she agreed. I was pretty vague with the timing, leaving her the option to suggest when it fits her schedule. Sometimes I would send a message and would never hear back, not even a 'seen.' So I would wait and follow up, and she would get back almost right away. Almost like the message just dropped in her inbox rather than ignoring me. A couple months of that, midterms in the way, we finally met up on campus last week. She suggested the coffee shop, and I agreed as I didn't want to be fussy.

When meeting her, I let my embarrassment associated with my balance (the minutia of carrying hot coffee and finding a seat) get to me which compounded my nervousness with... simply just meeting her. Maybe I was afraid of falling into her but I didn't even shake her hand. Anyways, when we found a seat, we talked for an hour, touched the tips of the waves - school, hobbies, etc. There were a few awkward lulls here and there until she had to get to a meeting. When we got up to leave, we had to go back inside to throw away the cups. I went to open the door and couldn't do it, so I became red-face embarrassed and quiet, instead of just laughing it off like I should have. When we walked out, she said the typical 'It was nice to meet you, keep in touch.' I just sheepishly just said, 'Yeah.' I followed up with a quick facebook message, saying what I should have said and nothing too pushy, suggesting we 'hang out' again sometime. Again that hasn't been 'seen' yet.

Anyways, I figured a girl wouldn't agree to meeting if she wasn't interested. However, I fear she was just trying to be nice. After meeting her I've gone from thinking that she was simply a cool person to know legitimately to perhaps foolishly thinking she might be the greatest girl I'd ever know. She's sweet, dedicated, compassionate, creative and very cute. I'd love to take her out and show her a uniquely great time and a better more comfortable representation of me. I don't want to be a creep and appear needy, but on the other hand I'll regret it if I don't try.

Instead of searching for the tallest bridge, what might you all suggest I do? I'm considering waiting a couple months until after exams and trying a 'how's it going?' type follow up, in the mean time dropping a few pounds and buying a cane. Or I could just say how I feel. hmm

edit: Or maybe I should just wait and play it out.

I apologize for the long first post. Thanks!

[basilandthyme]

>> I'm considering waiting a couple months until after exams and trying a 'how's it going?' type follow up, in the mean time dropping a few pounds and buying a cane. Or I could just say how I feel. hmm<<

If you wait too long, you'll get friend zoned. Or you may miss out altogether because she may find another guy.

As for saying what you feel, well - there's honest and there's too honest. If you tell her that you really enjoyed her company and would like to take her on a date, that would be a great move. But if you tell her that you think she's sweet, dedicated, compassionate, creative and very cute and the greatest girl you'd ever know.... well.... that's were creepy and needy starts. Also I wouldn't go for creating a uniquely good time - just keep it simple.

If a cane helps you to balance more easily, buy one. There's no shame in having a cane. And for what it's worth, I wouldn't care if a guy had a physical disability.

[limpmode]

Of course, and I'm being a little over the top in my description... I have a very bad sense of humor. But yeah, I'd say I have a crush on her. Maybe I should let it simmer a bit. I mean, focus on exams and end of term projects and give her space to do the same then I'll give her a shout. If there is another guy, then I guess that's just how the chips fall. Maybe I'm just on a tear because of how I acted at the end.

Thanks for the tips! I really appreciate it.

[leegmoser]

Hi everyone, I read all your conversation and it seems to be very helpful in a relationship and I find your story remarkably similar to mine.

I really need some help on this!

There's a girl that I like very very much but I can't find a way to tell her that. To me, she's the sweetest, most incredible girl I've ever met. We've been working in the same office for about six months. At first I just liked her as a colleague but I gradually fell in love with her. After a month or so she was pretty much all I could think about.

I'm rather shy around girls, which has bothered me for quite a while (I'm 22). I've never dared to ask a girl for a date, but this girl is so sweet that I went out of my way for her. I tried to make eye contact, smiled at her a lot and talked to her whenever possible. She's a little shy too but I have the impression that she likes me as well, always giving me those breathtaking smiles. So one day I got over my nervousness and after work I asked her if she wanted to grab a bite to eat with me. She said yes and that day I felt like the happiest person on the planet. We had dinner together, talked a lot and shared things that I think neither of us would tell a "just workmates" friend (family, things we like, dreams).

So far, so good. After that I asked her out several times. We went out for two more dinners and had wonderful conversations. But two or three other times she said no, saying she wanted to study (we're both in college) or that she was too tired to do anything. That really got me confused because she did seem to flirt with me sometimes. And that body language stuff like playing with her hair, showing her palms, making eye contact for just a second longer - it was all there, especially when nobody else was around. And again, that smile! I did the same to let her know how much I like her. At other times she's more distant, still friendly but nothing more. That always takes me aback and I'm still so nervous to ask her out to a movie or anything. I can't figure her out and I just wonder what I'm doing wrong?! Don't I try hard enough, or too hard, or am I just over-analytical this?

Two months ago she went back to college and now I see her only one day a week, missing her on the other six. I still haven't given up because whenever I see her I'm so happy and I'm still hoping she could be my girlfriend. But then, I don't want to be pushy. Like me, she's not a very outgoing person and she's from a different culture originally so I figure she may need to know me better before she trusts me.

Any thoughts/advice? I'm thankful for any help folks!

[basilandthyme]

Leegmoser, I suggest you copy and paste this into a thread of your own. You'll get more responses and it will be less confusing for Limpmode.

[limpmode]

How can I delete this thread? Things have changed, slightly for the better.

[basilandthyme]

Don't delete - share the good stuff with us! We like a happy ending.

[limpmode]

ok, well. maybe i was a little hasty with this whole thing. of course i sent the follow up nice to meet you, totally open ended lets do it again sometime note. heard back, and she reciprocated the 'nice to meet you' and was thankful i wasnt 'weirded out by how chatty' she was. i replied essentially that i enjoyed it wrapped around a joke. she left it with a laugh, 'good' and a 'keep in touch!'

what do you make of that basilandthyme? is that more of a pleasantry friends thing, or is she leaving it to me to be more direct in asking her out? hmm

[leegmoser]

Thanks for your suggestion basilandthyme.
I am sure this forum will help me a lot to find out the good information. I wish to have a amazing stay on here and have a discuss to you all and if I can help you out I will.