need advice i feel like hes pushing me away

[pepperanne1016]

i need advice i dont know what to do. so my boyfriend got into a major fight with his mom in which she said she no longer considers him her son and that he dont respect her and she dont want him as a son. her problem is she is very bipolar and everything has to be done her way or no way. they have been having these fights for years before i ever met him and he told me hes had enough. but all he does is talk his mom pays for everything he has ect. i got him a part time job but it dont pay much and she takes all that money. i dont know what to do anymore. he says he wants to move out but he always says that so i dont believe it. ive done so much for both of them and got treated the same way by his mother. i love my boyfriend to death im just confused what to do now. hes been shutting me out hasnt been talking to me.

we have been through so much i and he says im the one and that i complete him but now i feel like hes being destructive and pushing me away

[Wakeup]

I hope he is pushing you away. Leave him to his mother and his bi-polararity and find someone who can go through life functioning better then this dufus is. You may love him, but that's no reason to stay. In fact, it's the worse reason to stay if things are'nt 'right.' It takes way more than 'love' to make a relationship a happy, healthy, reciprocal, long lasting, and fun time... way more then just love. It sounds like you don't have any of those other things.

[jacksl8]

Let him look after his mom and you enjoy your life

[pepperanne1016]

well your both right yes i do love him with all my heart and i guess thats whats making me feel like if he is pushing me away my heart would break into a million pieces. but lately no i havent been happy and the situation that his mom has put everyone in is not a healthy one. and before i left his house cause we were living together his mom would come everywhere with us

[bearz]

Sounds like he has issues with being lazy and standing up for himself. Now you add a controlling mom to the mix and you have a recipe for disaster. He needs to work this out for himself and there is nothing you can do. This relationship isn't going in the right direction and unless he changes dramatically over night it won't get any better for you. Have you two talked about this?

[smackie9]

Never date someone that has a horrible relationship with their family....the dysfunction will seep into your relationship, turning it into something unhealthy.

[pepperanne1016]

im seeing that now. see hes an only child and his dad recently passed away. his mom goes off for everything. his mom says she planned to live with him the rest of her life. they did get into this horrible fight after i left. his mom said from the beginning that she never liked me but she's very 2 faced

[Wakeup]

The more you post, the more I hope you actually see what you're saying and move the eff on from this dysfunctional crap. He's never going to change, not now, not ever. He should have told his mother to STFU (in a more polite but just as assertive manner) the minute she bad mouthed you and told her that he will NOT tolerate her belittlement of you. If he couldn't do that, then he'll not ever be able to do it.

[pepperanne1016]

that is true thanks and yes he did back me up when his mom was nasty to me.

[basilandthyme]

Here's a thought: His mother pays for everything he needs. You got him a job. Perhaps she's sick and tired of his lazy, mooching ways.

[pepperanne1016]

hes not lazy tho. whatever money he does make his mom takes and he has to do everything for her or she gets more angry and they fight more. she never had to do anything for herself before his dad died now that his dad died and she slowly has to learn to do things for herself she don't like it. for example it snowed like a dusting me and her leave same time i went to do my car she started a fight with my bf because he wasnt up and had her car cleaned off for her. also if its not done her way its wrong not only for me but for him but then she expects him to do it all. she was making me pay her over $500 every month for food water when i was hardly even there cause i was working and i never really ate there.

[bearz]

Mom sounds like a whack job. What she expects from him and you is ridiculous. He needs to have a serious talk with her and tell her to knock it off. I assume he's over 18 so he better be prepared to find a new home after that.

Well, you had to find him a part-time job. Why didn't he get one? And is he looking for a better full-time job right now? What is he doing to make this situation better? That's what I meant with being lazy. If you just sit around all day at your mom's house and do whatever she says, that is still being lazy in my book.

[Wakeup]

she was making me pay her over $500 every month for food water when i was hardly even there cause i was working and i never really ate there.

She wasn't "making" you pay $500.00 you chose to give her that because you wanted to live with your boyfriend and since he lives with his mother, you settled.

Get out now or stay and quit bitching about her. This will be your life if you stay so pick out or in. Nothing we say will make it change only you can change things for yourself for the better by leaving and finding someone else who isn't tied to his mother's apron strings and still living with her because he's incapable of looking after himself.

This is about you and why you want to be with someone so dysfunctional. Him, he'll be just fine with mom and being taken care of.

[pepperanne1016]

yes she is a real one. and yes hes over the age of 18. last week on wed they had a bad falling out and she told him that since he respects other people and other people's mothers better then her that she no longer considers him her child. his response to that was that ok good he dont care he dont need her etc. he since then took clothes and blanket pillow all that his computer tv and went into their un-rented apartment and has been down there. she since then has asked him to come back upstairs only to help her with painting a room etc whatever she needs help for.

the job i got him is something you had to know the right people for what he hopes to be his career of teaching. i got him a position in subbing for now. i told him thats all im doing and that he needs to look on his own to find something full time which he has. i feel since his mom pays for everything he has been counting on that way to much. i told him since he mentioned about moving and getting an apartment that if its something he wants to do that hes got to fully commit to it because its time money and effort but got nothing really from him so i dont really feel he meant any of what he said to his mom i feel he is still banking on her being there and supporting him. and if thats the case i will not be there for that after what his mom did i simply dont forgive people like that and i dont like it. he might not mind it but i know i dont deserve it!

[bearz]

Sounds like you have the right mindset. You definitely deserve better. He needs to follow through and get away from his mother and get on his own feet. You really don't want to be with someone who still relies on his mother at his age, I'm guessing mid 20s at least if he's a sub teacher.