I have no idea what she wants, how should I approach this?

[fmfan08]

We haven't met, but been getting to know each other the past 3 months, flirting with each other over text and phone, etc.

However, she seemed off last week, basically conversation went:

me - Wouldn't mind getting to know you more :-) x
her - What do you want to know x
me - Wondering when you are free at the weekend for me to call you? x
her - Got a pretty busy weekend to be fair like i dunno if i'll have time! x
me - It's alright I get the hint, i guess that offer of taking you out will have to go to somebody else x
her - I just feel a bit weird about talking to someone on the phone and stuff that i've never met or seen, sorry if you think that is weird x
me - was suggesting we could meet soon, but if that's what you really want... x
her - Meeting a randomer though.. It's like, i dunno. x
me - if it's because you like someone else then do that, at least you'll be happier. I'm alright meeting up but if you aren't then I can't force it.. You seem to have your mind made up x
her - No its not that. But i have a very over protective best friend who seems to think you're going to kidnap me and keep me in your basement x
me - Haha, sense of humour too! I wouldn't risk my future like that for the sake of a girl, but if its something you're not comfortable with, not much I can do.. I'd want you to be safe x
her - And i do want to see ya but want to make my friend happy and prove it's legit first x

Then I don't reply until early afternoon the next day..

me - I'd only consider meeting you if it was a public place and you brought a mate along x

Then she doesn't reply.

Late that night I decide to unfollow some people on Twitter on my phone and unfollow her without realising I had done so she sends me a text about it (and somehow ignoring my earlier one). She also somehow realises I unfollowed her (accidentally) so she could have been on my profile?

her - Unfollowing me, mature
me - was unfollowing some people on my phone, must have clicked yours accidentally x"
her - I doubt that very much
me - It wasn't intentional
her - I'ma bust yo assss
me - You wish
her - Stop being grumpy with me or i'll have to..
me - ... 'accidentally' unfollow me!
her - We going to keep arguing then yeah?
me - Unless you have it in your heart to forgive me
her - Sarcastic
me - Shouldn't you be in bed?
her - I'm older than you, so if i should be in bed you should definitely be asleep
me - Not thinking of grassing me up are you?
her - I won't tell if you don't
me - Be our little secret

This happened until 2am (my last reply being around 9am as I fell asleep)

So basically, I have no idea what she wants. No idea if she is making excuses to not meet up or is scared to, but I decided to back off and not act as interested, or at least not give as much attention. Not sure what to do now though.. I feel like leaving it a week to see if she decides to make contact, or send her a text teasing her about the twitter thing? Why does she tell me she finds it weird talking to someone she hasn't met, yet reacts playfully towards the end? Unsure what she wants, how should I try to approach this?

[basilandthyme]

She doesn't want to meet you. But she's happy to have you as a casual friend - hence not wanting to end things on a sour note.

[bearz]

If she doesn't want to meet you in person, there's nothing you can do. Trying to convince her to meet you will only push her further away.

[fmfan08]

I was thinking to keep texting her playfully.. but is there any potential to keep her around or should I just not contact her again and leave it?

[JoeyJR]

Bro this was hard to read. You sound desperate, you made your self sound desperate ass hell. That's a huge turn off, and its like you kept on supplicating. Ugh.

This should have gone like this.

You - Let's get together sometime, how about this weekend?
Her - I can't going to be busy. I have a really busy schedule.
You - Ok.

Then you should have texted her again in a couple of day's to set up another date. If that didn't went through and she didn't want to meet for whatever reason then next her.

The twitter stuff was lame as it could get.

You lost the frame in both convos, and the twitter one was just embarrassing.

her - Unfollowing me, mature
you - it was accidental
her - doubt it


..

you should have left it at that. you see how she texted you about some stupid twitter crap? lol you should have just texted her days later after that.

[basilandthyme]

Do what you like, as long as you respect that she doesn't want to meet you in real life.

[JoeyJR]

I was thinking to keep texting her playfully.. but is there any potential to keep her around or should I just not contact her again and leave it?

text her again in a couple of days to set up a date. if she gives another excuse drop her. I only text girls to set up dates. Through the date I do all the talking.

Stop thinking about if theres potential or not, you should be talking to other girls instead. This girl is clearly not interested.

[fmfan08]

Bro this was hard to read. You sound desperate, you made your self sound desperate ass hell. That's a huge turn off, and its like you kept on supplicating. Ugh.

This should have gone like this.

You - Let's get together sometime, how about this weekend?
Her - I can't going to be busy. I have a really busy schedule.
You - Ok.

Then you should have texted her again in a couple of day's to set up another date. If that didn't went through and she didn't want to meet for whatever reason then next her.

The twitter stuff was lame as it could get.

You lost the frame in both convos, and the twitter one was just embarrassing.

her - Unfollowing me, mature
you - it was accidental
her - doubt it


..

you should have left it at that. you see how she texted you about some stupid twitter crap? lol you should have just texted her days later after that.

It's what I was thinking, should I just not contact and see if she does or just text her acting as if nothing has happened? I almost feel like texting that I agree with her tht it's weird talking to someone we haven't met and that I'll back off and respect her decision, then next her. It's not as if I know her in real life anyway and I know she isn't going to meet.

Either that or I could risk telling her I'd rather be friends at this stage so it eases on her, rather than the expectation of a 'date.

I don't get it though, played everything by the book before this and was going fine.

[michelle23]

I don't agree that you should only text her to arrange a date. Texting is great to help you get to know each other and fun in between dates.. Id say no to someone who only contacted me once a week.. and there's nothing worse that crappy one word answers and someone who doesn't even try to make conversation whilst texting *yawn* id get bored and tell him if he cant make an effort to send a few decent texts-then don't bother contacting me again..

[fmfan08]

I don't agree that you should only text her to arrange a date. Texting is great to help you get to know each other and fun in between dates.. Id say no to someone who only contacted me once a week.. and there's nothing worse that crappy one word answers and someone who doesn't even try to make conversation whilst texting *yawn* id get bored and tell him if he cant make an effort to send a few decent texts-then don't bother contacting me again..

This isn't an example of what our texts conversations are like, this was when she was off with me. We've had some great conversations but I have a feeling she realised either she may have liked me that the reality of actually meeting might happen, unsure of the danger of meeting someone she hasn't met, met someone else, etc list goes on.

I feel like sending a text about saying we shouldn't talk for a while (if at all) and agreeing with her saying its weird talking to someone you haven't met, then just cut ties there wishing her luck, can't usually just ignore someone and move on.

Or firstly I could send a playful text saying about 'getting into her good books' or something, at least avoid the topic of meeting up as she isn't comfy with it and if she doesn't bite then go with the plan I had above.

After all, never met her, I can take a risk and if it fails then it would be as good as I've never known her anyway. Probably play it different if I saw a lot of her in person.

[michelle23]

My last response was aimed at Joey-sorry should have been more clear.

You have been talking for 3 months and it sounds like you have wasted a lot of time on her. I think if she doesn't want to meet you by now-you should cut contact with her. You have already said "public place, bring friends" etc You have done all you can to make her feel safe but maybe she only tried internet dating for fun when she is bored at home and has no intention of taking it further.

I would never consider internet dating as I don't trust it and lots of people still feel that way so maybe she will never agree to meet you. I think you should get off the computer and get outa the house. Socialize, interact and meet a new girl

[JoeyJR]

It's what I was thinking, should I just not contact and see if she does or just text her acting as if nothing has happened? I almost feel like texting that I agree with her tht it's weird talking to someone we haven't met and that I'll back off and respect her decision, then next her. It's not as if I know her in real life anyway and I know she isn't going to meet.

Either that or I could risk telling her I'd rather be friends at this stage so it eases on her, rather than the expectation of a 'date.

I don't get it though, played everything by the book before this and was going fine.

at this point I think you shouldn't text her at all anymore. You chould just wait to see if she initiates contact to set up a date if not please please do not mention anything about being anything or just being friends just leave it at that.


At this point though I would have already deleted her number.

[fmfan08]

at this point I think you shouldn't text her at all anymore. You chould just wait to see if she initiates contact to set up a date if not please please do not mention anything about being anything or just being friends just leave it at that.


At this point though I would have already deleted her number.

Did it also sound desperate what I suggested? Thinking of cutting ties by purposely removing her from Facebook and twitter (was accidental last time) as if I'm never going to talk with her or meet, there's no point me seeing her name most days or wasting space, call it immature and she might again but I'm fed up of excuses and wasting time on some people, prefer to be told straight otherwise no respect for them.. That's why I have only very few girls I liked/exes on there due to them being straight up with them saying they aren't interested or we'd be 'better as friends'. That I can accept and they're worth keeping, but cba with those who suddenly turn cold, give me bunch of excuses and plays mind games such as ignoring one text and getting annoyed at an action I accidentally did (as their only excuse to text me), dodging things too, etc

I should wait for her to initiate contact though, but technically didnt she when I had 'unfollowed' her? I'm wondering whether to start something playfully and avoid topic of meeting up/twitter incident so I have started one, then leave her to start the next to 'test'. I can't see her starting two in a row, but she had started a third of our conversations over the 3 months.

EDIT: btw the last time we spoke was 2am on Saturday morning, I haven't sent anything since.

[kat82]

This is just my opinion but....as a 30 year old female who used to do the online dating thing...1) my first thought when reading your post was that this 'protective friend' is made up. It's her way of telling you that she thinks you could be a psycho who is going to tie her up. 2) She is avoiding meeting you for some reason: either because she thinks you could be a psycho, or perhaps she is just being really shy about it. It would help to have some info, like your ages, and do you know if she has ever met anyone from online in person before? If not, she could be petrified about taking that next step & meeting you.

I say move on, find another nice girl who is willing to give you a chance. If she eventually gets over it and wants to meet up, great, but do you really want to keep driving yourself nuts over it?

[fmfan08]

Thought I'd add, yeah.. If I've acted needy, general vote seem to think the best way to approach this is to avoid contact, ignore thinking about her, talking to her and act as if I don't need her at all, acting happy. So I agree with your advice! And if she doesn't then hey ho.. I'll cut ties with her. I just still think she won't initiate for a second time in a row though, but daren't send her anything.