why is sex non existant??

**keki** · 20-03-13, 11:01 PM

hiya people
please help... getting desperate!!

sex with my partner has practically become non existent.
we used to have a healthy fun sex life, and we used to do it at least 3 times a week, infact he couldn't get enough of me. then it just suddenly stopped. just like that!
i will initiate it time and time again but get nothing back other than a big fat rejection! which is obviously knocking my confidence alot, and making me wonder... now he will still look at other women and makes comments which i know most men do, but when it comes to me there is just no interest. he will settle for a quick kiss and cuddle and it goes no further unless its a bj. but then after that's done with he'll just turn over and go to sleep. wwe haven't had sex for 9 weeks. and before that it was 8 weeks and so on.
so yes im desperate for help... and a bit of loving

please help
xx

**Wakeup** · 20-03-13, 11:48 PM

Why are you giving him a bj when he's making zero effort to be sexual with you? You're enabling him to be indifferent to you by doing that.

Have you talked to him about how his rejection makes you feel? If not, why not. If you have, what did he say.

How long have you been with this man? Why do you stay with him? What does he bring to the table other than sex (or the lack thereof) that keeps you with someone who can't be bothered with you (at least sexually anyway). So: What does he DO give you that keeps you with him instead of just leaving the lump?

**michelle23** · 20-03-13, 11:58 PM

give us more info please. How long have you been together? Has anything bad happened before sex slowed down? How long was he really into it for before going off sex? Did he ever make an effort to satisfy you sexually? Do you live together? If not how often do you see him? Does he watch a lot of porn? Are you sure hes not cheating? Does he really want to be with you or is he on the way out?

I could not stay with a man who has no interest in me sexually and my bf never makes "comments" about other women to me. He might say "shes pretty" or something like that which is fine but he'd never make sexual comments like "shes hot" or "Id bang her"...

why are you still together? Does he make you happy in other ways? How old are you both? Is he overweight? stressed? exhausted? does he find you attractive? Has he ever given you a reason why he doesn't want sex?

I think you should walk away tbh. Hes obviously selfish and has no empathy for your feelings. Id never do that to my bf-just push him away or roll over and go to sleep. I think its wrong to reject someone like that. The only time ive turned him down is if I have a kidney infection or yeast infection or my period and cant have sex and he obviously understands...

why do you stay when your upset all the time over his blatant rejection?

**michelle23** · 20-03-13, 11:59 PM

and stop giving him bjs!! why should he get some when you never get any. **** that!

**keki** · 21-03-13, 12:07 AM

in every other way he makes me feel loved. we have been together 4 years and yes we live together. I wouldn't say he was stressed, he doesn't appear to be stressed. I have mentioned this to him, it was a calm and seemed to be meaningful chat and he says it will change, though im still waiting for the change. Other than the sex we have a very good relationship, sex is the only thing he has ever denied me. we have lots of laughs, chats, he tells m he loves me everday, etc. but without the sexual intimacy it doesn't seem enough for me. He has never cheated on me before as far as i am awear. so maybe he has just gone of me.

**bearz** · 21-03-13, 12:12 AM

When he says it will change, has he given you any reason why he doesn't want sex right now and why he thinks it will change in the future?

**michelle23** · 21-03-13, 12:18 AM

is he gay? (serious question). how long has he been off sex for?

normally issues with sex mean there are bigger issues somewhere else. are you sure there is nothing else wrong with the relationship? is there affection? do you fight or argue? have you ever disrespected him or wounded his ego? nagged him??

men go off sex sometimes when they feel like you don't respect him as a man or if they think you criticize or put him down too much..

or it could be hormonal. ask him to get his testosterone levels checked.

**michelle23** · 21-03-13, 12:20 AM

there has to be a reason. If he wont give you one and is not willing to make positive changes right now-you need to walk away.

do you really want a sexless relationship for the next ten years??

**keki** · 21-03-13, 12:23 AM

The only excuse is that we dont have time. but we do have time, i make effort and the time, we could go bed at 8pm he'll only watch tv and go to sleep. I told him how it made be feel and he just cuddled me and said there is nothing wrong. That is as far as it has got. other than this the relationship is great but it makes me wonder if its a relationship or a friendship. we knew eachother before we started our relationship, it was brill when we got together and for a long time afterwards, we now have a child together,and now i just feel like his babys mum rather than his partner

**Wakeup** · 21-03-13, 12:28 AM

Originally Posted by keki

in every other way he makes me feel loved. we have been together 4 years and yes we live together. I wouldn't say he was stressed, he doesn't appear to be stressed. I have mentioned this to him, it was a calm and seemed to be meaningful chat and he says it will change, though im still waiting for the change. Other than the sex we have a very good relationship, sex is the only thing he has ever denied me. we have lots of laughs, chats, he tells m he loves me everday, etc. but without the sexual intimacy it doesn't seem enough for me. He has never cheated on me before as far as i am awear. so maybe he has just gone of me.

Then you have to effectively communicate to him that you are not happy in a non-sexual/plantonic relationship and what can you do together, as a couple to help fuel his libido. I would also suggest that you talk to him about getting his hormone levels checked out by a doctor just to make sure first that its nothing hormonal. Perhaps something as simple as Viagra and some couples porn viewed together will fire him up.

What have you tried to do so far that he's turned you down on? Are you just asking for sex and he's rolling over or have the two of you actually worked on things together and there is still no improvment?

**pcmaster** · 21-03-13, 12:28 AM

Maybe he just dont wana cheat on his new GF.

Been thinking about it lately and its amazing what can people do with their sexual energy. Seen a virgin couple who hadnt had sex for 8 years, both where teachers in school and amazingly inteligent and talkative.
Also some profesional sportists drop sex 3 months before competition, its mindblowing in how good shape they come at event day.

Sex should be the way to make a babies. Thats all. In nature animals sex only when females are menstruating due to risk of infection in wild.

You should be confident but angry after all this time in celibate. Lack of confidence should be from BJs. Suggestion is join the gym, great way to use the energy, maybe you end up like those fitness models or at least stronger than your BF so you could dominate at home. At least from postivie side your sexlife is Godlike now because it dont exist.

**michelle23** · 21-03-13, 12:29 AM

did this issue start before or after baby was born? Was he present at the birth of your child?

In some rare cases men go off sex after they see there partner give birth especially if it was a difficult pregnancy or labor. if this is the reason-he needs counselling. It could be due to guilt after seeing what you went through.

It is rare but it happens some times that the birth can be traumatizing or he could have a fear of putting you in that situation again.

I think you need to see a counselor together

**keki** · 21-03-13, 12:49 AM

we have done porn, we have done it in random places, dressed up in sexy underwear etc and he loved it, written both did. just dont know what to do next. maybe he has grown bored of that. but what else can i introduce other than box of viagra lol

**dem862** · 21-03-13, 04:46 AM

How often does he masturbate? If not often, I would suspect it might be hormonal or physical. However, if he is masturbating often, I would suspect something psychological. There is a disorder called sexual anorexia where a person does not want to have sex because they fear the intimacy with another person. You might try doing some research and see if that is a possibility. There is therapeutic help for it. I certainly wouldn't say your relationship is over. If everything else is good, this is a problem you can work on with proper professional guidance.

Also, if he is on any medications, check the literature for side effects.

**HeartIsAching** · 21-03-13, 06:51 AM

Originally Posted by pcmaster

Sex should be the way to make a babies. Thats all. In nature animals sex only when females are menstruating due to risk of infection in wild.

That's one of the most ignorant things I've ever heard.

Glad my wife doesn't "think" like you do.

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