I'm madly in love with a manipulative person

[nathoonder]

I'm in love with someone who clearly only wants me for my money. Our dates consist of me taking her shopping, walking around holding hands while she tries stuff on and buys stuff, me paying every time of course. She always hugs me and gives me a kiss at the end though. She's even stood me up a few times. Sometimes I hate myself for feeling so strongly about her, and at times I even cry to myself. At the end of the day though I love her, I really do. It's so amazing to have someone I can talk to completely openly with. It's my first "relationship" and the infrequent scraps of insincere affection she gives me are the highlights of my week. Not to mention she has a very beautiful outward appearance, it's as if every move she makes is flawless. My work performance has gone way up since she came into my life and it makes work more enjoyable knowing that I'm going there to make money for her. If you think about it our love is unconditional, other than me spending money on her there are no conditions. She doesn't care if I'm geeky, or made fun of or what I look like (although I still take my appearance very seriously). I know that this won't last forever and some day she'll end up hurting me really bad but I feel like I could never will her out of my life. She makes my heart whole yet breaks it at the same time.

[michelle23]

Y are u happy to be used and treated like a doormat? Do you not have any self respect? She doesnt love you and your love is not unconditional. The conditions are you buy her nice things and she makes you look good by being with her coz shes attractive.

All ur getting out of this is an ego boost occasionally as well as a lot of heartache. Many women are attracted to geeky men so y are u settling for this crap.

I doubt your in love with her-your probably infatuated and you put her up on a pedastal and ur self worth is so low u think u cant do any better.

I suggest u end it, get some counselling and find a woman who loves you for you and not for your money

[bearz]

You should find out what happens when you stop paying for all of this stuff.

[amy37]

This really looks like a slippery slope, as your just getting into the beginning infatuation phases of the relationship, she'll be burning through them, and moving on through them. Set a limit on how much you are willing to spend on her nathoonder, otherwise you look back and find all your money gone, just like in the casino's.

[dem862]

What two people decide to do together is their own business. Exchanging assets for women is as old as the human species. However, I would hope you can afford what you are doing and you are not causing unnecessary hardship on yourself. I knew a fellow who let a women burn through his $50,000 retirement account in a couple of years, and he lost his job because of her. But if you can afford it, and you think it is worth it to you, it really isn't anybody else's business. Not everyone is capable of or wants a traditional relationship, and even with those, divorces overwhelmingly favor the woman for alimony and spousal support. Most successful men would never dream of making a woman split the cost of a date. Men with power, prestige, and wealth have always had their choice of women. Nowadays, women with wealth are playing the game too. In the end, it's your money, you can do whatever you want with it. I have no doubt you are well aware of the cost and what you are getting for it, and you have already decided it is worth it to you.

Also you don't realize it now, but you will get tired of her long before she gets tired of your money. And when you start pulling away from her, she will try even harder to keep you.

[michelle23]

Dem-if people put all their effport into their marriage and wernt so selfish-there would be less divorces and if your wife is getting custody of the kids-then she should get more so their looked after properly. People get married two fast and for the wrong reasons-thats y the divorce rate is so high

u cant bitch and whine if ur marriage ends - it obviously ends for a reason

[HeartIsAching]

Why do you like being a doormat? Serious question.

Remember, no matter how good she looks, somebody somewhere is sick of her shit.

[dem862]

Dem-if people put all their effport into their marriage and wernt so selfish-there would be less divorces and if your wife is getting custody of the kids-then she should get more so their looked after properly. People get married two fast and for the wrong reasons-thats y the divorce rate is so high

u cant bitch and whine if ur marriage ends - it obviously ends for a reason

Like I said, not everybody is capable of or wants a traditional relationship. There was a study out recently that shows married people are in the minority now. That is because societal trends do not favor marriage anymore. And I wasn't talking about child support, I specifically mentioned spousal support and alimony. Most people here are too young to remember, but there was a time when a divorce had to be fought for and won in court. The advent of no-fault divorce in the 1970's changed that. People were no longer required to remain in a marriage that wasn't working. The reason divorce is so common is because people just get tired of each other after a while. I don't see where the state has any business licensing the personal relationship between two people anyway.

[nathoonder]

Doormat is a poor metaphor when referring to my situation. She's very nice to me, I feel like I can share anything with her, she hugs me, holds my hand, kisses me, you don't do that to a doormat.

MAYBE someone is sick of her shit somewhere (I don't see how) but I'm not. The fact that I can't see her again until Monday almost makes me feel physically ill.

[nathoonder]

She doesn't treat me like a doormat, did you read about how nice she is to me? It's great, I've never experienced anything like it before. My I have some self-respect issues. Other than buying her things it IS (pretty much) unconditional. I don't care about how she makes me look, I care about how she makes me feel, and ego has nothing to do with it.

Why get counseling, is it that bad? An acquaintance of mine who found out about it recommended counseling as well. I'd like to find a woman who likes me for me but that may be beyond my reach.

[misombra]

I don't understand what the problem is.

[kat82]

It sounds like you are in denial here. Why did you come on here & post this looking for advice if you were just going to stick up for her when people tell you that you're being a doormat? Basically, if you let her walk all over you, you are a doormat. That's why it's called that. Do you do anything else other than shopping? If not...I am sorry to say you are a doormat. If you do other great things together, that don't require you spending your money, that is a good sign. Next time she suggests shopping...suggest something else...maybe say something about how you are bored with shopping & want to save a little money this time. If she gets angry...and makes you feel like you are in the wrong here, then, once again, you are a doormat.

[VincenzoG91]

Doormat is a poor metaphor when referring to my situation. She's very nice to me, I feel like I can share anything with her, she hugs me, holds my hand, kisses me, you don't do that to a doormat.

MAYBE someone is sick of her shit somewhere (I don't see how) but I'm not. The fact that I can't see her again until Monday almost makes me feel physically ill.

In your own words, "She's even stood me up a few times." And she gives you "infrequent scraps of insincere affection." You went on to admit that "I know that this won't last forever and some day she'll end up hurting me really bad but I feel like I could never will her out of my life. She makes my heart whole yet breaks it at the same time."

You're not happy. You wouldn't have posted what you said above if you were happy. The reason that you aren't happy is that the relationship is unfair: you treat her well and she treats you poorly. Good relationships are built on communication, and women tend to respect assertive guys. So be assertive and ask to be treated the way you would like to be treated. If she says no, then break up and move on. Your money will probably be better spent on getting therapy so you can solve your co-dependency tendencies.

[pcmaster]

I think you are really lucky to find someone who understands you and needs you, accepts you for who you are even with all you insecurities.

The pain might come from not talking about the stuff that bothers you, like sometimes you might feel that you are just a sugar daddy. Its very important to talk about heart touching questions, because if she really cares she will want to know.

Anyway I believe when we love for the first time - really love, then we using the same form of love that our parents used - most unselfish love there is.Because thats how we know love since we were kids, thats the love thats been given to us.

Just a suggestion - the most common mistakes guys make in realtionship is not expressing their feelings openly and not telling the girl what makes her so special for you.

[fearoflove]

Looks like the OP can't get a girl otherwise (or an attractive one). What if OP doesn't have the looks or the personality? His good quality lies in his ability to provide. Is that so wrong? Although, I do think the OP should make her earn it rather than treat him like her bitch.