Would love your guys advice....

[badrazor]

For my story, i posted "another broken heart..."

Well, it's been almost a month now and my ex gf has not contacted me at all and i have not contacted her. It's obvious that she is moving on and i am trying too. Here's my problem: i was still in love with her when she forced me to break it off and she was pissed at me for all kinds of silly stuff at the end but i am having major problems with the way it ended. I want to ask her to talk one last time so we can at least walk away from each other on semi peaceful terms. It's hard for me to think that the wonderful love we shared for almost 4 years would end with her hating me. I want to ask her to meet one last time so maybe we can at least walk away without such negative thoughts.

Would you guys contact her and ask for a meeting to talk one last time if you were me? I might see her around pretty soon because her son and my daughter play sports at the same complex (baseball and softball) soon and it would be awkward seeing her at the fields but if we talked first, it wouldn't be as bad. I hate thinking this all ended with her hating me and i might be able to at least make her realize it was best to break up and give me peace of mind.

What do you guys think? Or should i just let her go completely and spend the rest of my life hating that the woman i loved so much will go on the rest of her life hating me?

Thanks in advance!

[HeartIsAching]

Hell no. Just leave it be.

[Ann S]

First of all, you say she was, "pissed off at me for all kinds of silly stuff." But to HER, it wasn't silly. That is the point. Just your attitude is discounting. And, your desire to have one last meeting is to salve your own conscious. "So WE can at least walk away without such negative thoughts." This is your need, not hers, or she would have contacted you.
This seems to be all about YOU! I think the most loving thing you can do is leave her alone, and take an inventory about YOUR side of being in a relationship and what you need to improve.
"Should I just let her go completely?" YOU don't have her to let go of! Respect her decision and move on. And this woman gets to think about you any way she wants, and you can't change it. Maybe, with the next woman, YOU can change and improve your relationship dynamic! Ann

[madotnw_nihs]

No, it won't bring you closure, but just make it worse. Stay strong, my friend.

[badrazor]

First of all, you say she was, "pissed off at me for all kinds of silly stuff." But to HER, it wasn't silly. That is the point. Just your attitude is discounting. And, your desire to have one last meeting is to salve your own conscious. "So WE can at least walk away without such negative thoughts." This is your need, not hers, or she would have contacted you.
This seems to be all about YOU! I think the most loving thing you can do is leave her alone, and take an inventory about YOUR side of being in a relationship and what you need to improve.
"Should I just let her go completely?" YOU don't have her to let go of! Respect her decision and move on. And this woman gets to think about you any way she wants, and you can't change it. Maybe, with the next woman, YOU can change and improve your relationship dynamic! Ann

This is going to sound a bit harsh but it's not meant to be, Ann Schiebert....They stuff may not have been silly to her but from a relationship stand point, in a healthy relationshiip, no one should be THAT upset over things like 1) not asking her if she wanted something from the corner store when i went. I explained to her that she had just started a diet and didn't think she would want something. Honest misunderstanding. Next, i didn't offer to drop her off in front of the mall because it was cold out. I hadn't seen her in over a week and thought we'd walk together. It wasn't even that cold. These are the kind of things. And also, how do YOU know what she needs? How do you know she isn't as upset as me over the break up?? And as far as pondering my mistakes and how to fix them next time?? Next to NONE thank you! i treated her like a queen. Everyone of her friends would tell her how they wish they had a man treat them like that. Now my marriage, i can name a ton of mistakes i made but not this relationship!

Ok, now to the good stuff. I contacted her 3 days ago via email. I essentially told her that i hated the way we ended and wanted to meet one last time and talk some things out so we can end it on a better note. She agreed. We then couldln't agree on a time so i just went to her work and dropped in on her. By the time i left, she told me she still loved me. She told me she was very sad over our breakup and she told me she understood why I had to leave. I left with the closure i needed to move on and thank God i did. She said she was upset i didnt do it sooner. She was very loving to me. I probably could have even opened up talks to get back together because the next day she told me she is sad.

Anyway, i'm glad i followed my heart because we both got the closure to help each other move on. We both still love each other but we are just 2 different people and a relationship just won't work. I feel like a weight has been lifted though.

Thanks for reading

[michelle23]

Ys u lifted the weight off ur shoulders but put it firmly on hers. She was reaching out to yu and you point blank rejected her so give yourself a pat on the back for making her feel like shit. Uv just made it harder for her to get over you and eased ur guilty conscience. Shes prob even more confused, hurt and upset now!

[badrazor]

Ys u lifted the weight off ur shoulders but put it firmly on hers. She was reaching out to yu and you point blank rejected her so give yourself a pat on the back for making her feel like shit. Uv just made it harder for her to get over you and eased ur guilty conscience. Shes prob even more confused, hurt and upset now!

What do you mean? How did i put it on hers. I told her i love her too and we both walked away feeling better? How did me telling her that she was so important to me that i couldn't bare to let it end the way it did? I didn't make her feel bad at all. She loves me which is why she is hurt from breakup but she doesn't love me enough to stay in it. Why do you think this meeting was bad?

[overanxious]

when girls are starting to fall out of love with the relationship, whether it be your fault or not, they will start nitpicking and picking fights over the smallest/stupidest stuff....i still remember my narcissitic ex....one fight we had in the last couple of months......she liked to save mementos of things we did together and put them all together as an anniversary gift....so we go to play minigolf one night and she liked to save the balls....so she has me put them in my pocket....when we got to the car i as i opened the door i pulled them out of my pocket so i could put them away in the car as soon as i got in....she flipped on me for a minute about how someone was going to see them and we were going to get in trouble...i in turn flipped out myself...the place was run by high school kids...hell the kids probably would have said "yeah no problem" if we had even asked to take em...no one was looking or watching us at the car....it was utterly ridiculous...but when they arent happy thats what they do

[pcmaster]

when girls are starting to fall out of love with the relationship, whether it be your fault or not, they will start nitpicking and picking fights over the smallest/stupidest stuff....i still remember my narcissitic ex....one fight we had in the last couple of months......she liked to save mementos of things we did together and put them all together as an anniversary gift....so we go to play minigolf one night and she liked to save the balls....so she has me put them in my pocket....when we got to the car i as i opened the door i pulled them out of my pocket so i could put them away in the car as soon as i got in....she flipped on me for a minute about how someone was going to see them and we were going to get in trouble...i in turn flipped out myself...the place was run by high school kids...hell the kids probably would have said "yeah no problem" if we had even asked to take em...no one was looking or watching us at the car....it was utterly ridiculous...but when they arent happy thats what they do

Thats how it is with women - even pulling your balls out in public is not good enought anymore.

[michelle23]

When a relationship ends and you havnt seen each other for aehile and your starting to feel good about life without them and then they turn up-its like going back to day 1 again and makes it harder. I think you got closure OP but it prob upset her

[badrazor]

When a relationship ends and you havnt seen each other for aehile and your starting to feel good about life without them and then they turn up-its like going back to day 1 again and makes it harder. I think you got closure OP but it prob upset her

She had said she was hurting the entire month as i was. I honestly don't think i set her back if both of us have been hurting about being apart. I just think we both realize we hate being apart but it wasn't working any more being together. She wasn't on the path to getting over me. She told me she was hurt i didn't contact her sooner. She said it's not me but her crazy f'd up life and menopause is making it 10x worse. We both professed to each other we still love each other but we both realize it wasn't working. She's sad because she knows how great i treated her but she also knows that she can't make this work anymore. I honestly feel like our meeting let each other know we still love each other and we can move on. I would be honest with you guys if i thought the meeting was a bad idea but both of us will be hurting for awhile, that's just life but now we both know we still care which makes things a bit easier. She always knew i cared.

[michelle23]

Ok fair enough. Are u sure theres no way you can try to make it work? Relationship counselling? Or is there any point?

[Ann S]

Well, you left out that information in your post, didn't you? ( The info in your first paragraph to me.) And I agree with you. Ridiculous on her part.
And I was wrong! That's why people can take the advice on forums or leave it. You did what you needed to do and you now have what you wanted! Good for you. Ann

[HDI]

I'd chime in on Michelles point here, the little reasons for fights like the corner shop etc. are really small change in the context of a happy relationship with the person you love.

Even though it could well fail and cause some added hurt I would wonder if Michelle has a point where the two of you could try counselling. If it doesn't work then fine, it doest work, at least you two know. It sounds like you both have had a positive talk at her work and even though it was about ending the relationship it could be worth chatting again and seeing if this positive energy can be focused into counselling.

I can also see a good argument for leaving it as it is now getting on with your lives as what I just said could lead to getting hopes up and getting hurt a bit more. I am on the fence on this, maybe leaning towards seeing if problems can be resolved.

I hope all is well with you.

[badrazor]

I appreciate all of your guys input, thank you.

Since my last post, we have chatted via email almost every day (except today). Nothing exciting, mostly idle chit chat but one day she sent me an email saying "i miss you" and another day "i love you". I replied that i think of her all the time (to the first email) and told her i know she loves me and i love her too and i wish we could go back in time a couple years when love was all we needed to be happy (to the second email). I got a "happy easter" the next day and then nothing today.

I guess her 2 nice emails got my hopes up a bit but then nothing at all today got my hopes right back down again. I keep wishing she would tell me that she can't live without me but i know that isn't going to happen. I know she misses me and loves me but she also knows it won't work so she hasn't said something big like that. I miss and love her too but i could never go back to the way it was the past year. I need more love from her than that. So I think HCI is right here that i should just leave it go as i'm already getting a bit hurt again instead of getting over her.

I'll keep you guys posted, thanks again for reading!