lover wants to be friend

[ger_ireland]

hi guya and gals

i met a girl on line 3 weeks ago, she asked me to go away with her (just me and her) last weekend for her birthday, i accepted

she paid over 200 for the hotel, everything was brill, kissed all the time, held hands, made love 4 times in 36 hours

yesterday monday, day after we got home ( she lives 50 miles from me), she phoned me crying saying that she loves me but is not ready to commit and wants to be just friends,

i accepted, then at midnight got a txt from her saying "i love you baby", this morning i texed her wishing her a good morning, she replied " go away im not talking to u till thursday x ", i think this is childish (she is 35 im 45), she says that she is not over her ex, they broke up 2 yrs ago, together 16 yrs, 8 yrs married (she has a wee girl 4 yrs old)

so what should i do, leave her alone ?, call her ?, be friends ?, or run like hell ?
thanks
ger

[mhussain]

call her.

Hussain

[ger_ireland]

thanks for ur reply
if i call her i may push her away ?, would it be better to leave her alone till thursday ?, she said im all a girl could ever ask for in a man, but she is scared and does not want either of us to get hurt, so she wants to try and fall out of love with me
thanks
ger

[mhussain]

... as u wish my friend ...

as far as i know .. there is no such thing as falling out of love ...

but u must trust your own judgement ...

best of luck ... hope it works out for you

Hussain

[COAD]

I would say call her and straighten things out.

[Nameless18]

Well since she said Thursday, i'd rather you wait and see if shes ready to give you and explanation or another reason not to contact. She may be going through a hard time now and you might make the situation worse by contacting her now. Wait till Thursday and have a good talk. Good luck!

[shh!]

You said she replied " go away im not talking to u till thursday x , i think this is childish (she is 35 im 45)"

Yeah, I think so too. (I am a woman in this age range.) Wait until Thursday to call her, but have your running shoes on when you do it. If she doesn't have a real good, sensible reason for acting crazy, start running. She sounds a little unbalanced to me, though.

[ger_ireland]

thanks shh. its her thats to phone me on thursday, she said she wants to see how much she misses me in the meantime, her prob is that she loves her ex and has not moved on, she swears she would never take him back, im the 1st guy she has been with since her hubby, she is really scared of being hurt + we took things way to fast in our relationship (3 weeks, only met once), she and i admit its weird to be IN love with someone u have only met once, she told me last night she was IN love with me, and i think i am also IN love with her, crazzyyyyy eh,

thank u all
ger

[shh!]

Yeah - crazy, all right. I'm seeing "danger" written all over this one, ger. She tells you she is in love with her ex. Don't discount it. Personally, I'd be running, but do the kid a favor - don't meet him/her until or unless there is some reason to believe logically that this relationship is a keeper...

[misombra]

she was married for sixteen years. she left when she was 33. that means she was... ::does the math slowly in her head::: 17 when she got married. she missed out on some wild times. she probably wants to go out and act crazy and play around. unless you want to be played around with by a woman who married young and was married for half her life then i suggest you run.

[ger_ireland]

she as married for 8 yrs, had been his friend for 8 yrs previous. got married at 25, seperated 2 yrs ago, the truth is her hubby met someone on the internet from the states and moved over there, actually he told the girl in the states that he was single, there is more to this tale which i wont go into concerning him and the american woman.

no she does not want to play around that im certain of, she told me last night that she would not be interested in any other guy

[whaywardj]

Do both. Run like hell and stick around. That is, put your romance guns back on the rack, and break out your friendly glasses of wine.

She's going through a lot of re-adjustment. A lot of conflicting impulses are at play, and she's, probably, seeing herself in ways she never has before. A serious emotional involvement right now would just complicate matters for her, however she may or may not feel about you.

Don't ask her for much of herself right now. Try to be available for her in all the ways it's comfortable for you to. Don't complain about not getting what you might want from her. Go ahead and try to be a friend to her for now.

Although, shh! takes exception and thinks poorly of me for believing it ;-), you CAN be a friend to someone you're in love with, even when they aren't loving you back.

You just has to stop looking at them as "your" whatever, and train yourself to perceive them as just another person going through their life.

That's easier said than done, of course.

[misombra]

oh sorry, i must've read it wrong.

well maybe she just wants to be left alone for a bit. she wants to take her time maybe?

[shh!]

Although, shh! takes exception and thinks poorly of me for believing it ;-), you CAN be a friend to someone you're in love with, even when they aren't loving you back.

If you are trying to to act as a "friend" to someone you are in love with that doesn't return your love, it is either because you are trying to manipulate the situation or you are a doormat, but I will continue to overlook your lapse of judgement 'cause you are amusing.

[whaywardj]

Are you being serious, shh!? Do you really think being manipulative or being a doormat are the only two possible reasons for doing so?