Not sure what to do. Giving up on it

[twiks]

So, I'm 29 years old and been divorced for 5 years as of next month. I've been single for all 5 of those years without so much as a single date. Had sex 3 times during that 5 year period, all 3 of those times were with my ex during times that she was single and not getting anything from anyone else.

I've been offered to be set up on several dates by a few of my friends. But I always turn them down because I already know that the dates will go badly and I'll just end up feeling 10 times worse about myself than I already do now. And yes, I realize that's a terrible way to look at things, but that's been the experience of my entire life so that's all I have to base my opinions on. When all you know is disappointment, rejection and failure...that's all you come to expect.

I've always been shy, talking to women has always been nearly impossible for me to do, which is why I've remained single for these past 5 years. Women just don't like me. I honestly have no idea how I ever convinced my ex to be with me in the first place. I'm fairly certain that she did it because she lost a bet or just felt sorry for me or something.

Also, I'm only attracted to women that will never find me attractive at all. Honestly, my standards aren't that high...I know that I'm not very attractive so obviously I'm never going to be able to date a model or anything like that. But the only women that are attracted to me (and they are far and few between in the first place) I have no attraction to them at all.

Do I just need to completely give up on the idea of finding someone that I'm actually physically attracted to and just date someone that I can't stand looking at? Because apparently that's my only options...be alone, or date someone that I don't find at all attractive.

I realize this is probably coming off as extremely shallow. But I'm really not. I know that there is more to a person than their looks. But I also know that for a relationship to work there has to be at least a little bit of attraction there.

Anyways...I'm 29 years old and giving up on ever being with another woman...in a relationship, as a friend, as a drunken one night stand...none of those are ever going to happen so what's the point of even trying anymore. Not really sure why I'm sharing this here with all of you people that I don't know...but I don't really have anyone else to tell, so....yeah...

Feel free to let me know how pathetic I am for giving up at "such a young age". That's all that anyone else has to say.

[Kromat83]

I am 29 years old as well, you'll only attract those type of women, because that is how you think.
Why do men feel so down on themselves, have a positive outlook on look and women will love being around you.
Just have regular conversations with women, they like talking about themselves, so bring up topics that they might enjoy, to spark up an interesting conversation.
They like someone that is fun, knows what he wants and isn't afraid to just be themselves, regardless of how daring it might be, they'll think your someone that they'd like to be around.

[smackie9]

You are negative
negative
negative
negative

This is why you are alone. No woman or person wants to be around a person that is so negative. Is it possible you suffer from depression? Maybe get that checked out first before making assumptions.

What attracts even the most beautiful of women is not looks but confidence, and a positive outlook on life. That is your key to success plain and simple.

[Cerby]

You're getting into that prime, the age where you can date women both younger and older without looking like a creep either way. I've found in the last few years of my 20s I've dated and slept with more people than in my late teens and early/mid 20s combined. It seems to me that the older you get as a guy, the more field you have to play with.

But if you're a Debbie Downer all the time, you won't get anything because no one wants to be around someone who surrenders before the battle even starts.

[HeartIsAching]

So, I'm 29 years old and been divorced for 5 years as of next month. I've been single for all 5 of those years without so much as a single date. Had sex 3 times during that 5 year period, all 3 of those times were with my ex during times that she was single and not getting anything from anyone else.

I've been offered to be set up on several dates by a few of my friends. But I always turn them down because I already know that the dates will go badly and I'll just end up feeling 10 times worse about myself than I already do now. And yes, I realize that's a terrible way to look at things, but that's been the experience of my entire life so that's all I have to base my opinions on. When all you know is disappointment, rejection and failure...that's all you come to expect.

I've always been shy, talking to women has always been nearly impossible for me to do, which is why I've remained single for these past 5 years. Women just don't like me. I honestly have no idea how I ever convinced my ex to be with me in the first place. I'm fairly certain that she did it because she lost a bet or just felt sorry for me or something.

Also, I'm only attracted to women that will never find me attractive at all. Honestly, my standards aren't that high...I know that I'm not very attractive so obviously I'm never going to be able to date a model or anything like that. But the only women that are attracted to me (and they are far and few between in the first place) I have no attraction to them at all.

Do I just need to completely give up on the idea of finding someone that I'm actually physically attracted to and just date someone that I can't stand looking at? Because apparently that's my only options...be alone, or date someone that I don't find at all attractive.

I realize this is probably coming off as extremely shallow. But I'm really not. I know that there is more to a person than their looks. But I also know that for a relationship to work there has to be at least a little bit of attraction there.

Anyways...I'm 29 years old and giving up on ever being with another woman...in a relationship, as a friend, as a drunken one night stand...none of those are ever going to happen so what's the point of even trying anymore. Not really sure why I'm sharing this here with all of you people that I don't know...but I don't really have anyone else to tell, so....yeah...

Feel free to let me know how pathetic I am for giving up at "such a young age". That's all that anyone else has to say.

Winners never quit, and quitters never win.

[Valixy]

I don't think there is a rule that says that how frequently should people be dating or having a relationship, so you shouldn't consider a problem that you've been on your own for some time. You could have also been in a hell relationship these 5 years like many others. In part you may be feeling some of the social pressure that is exercised on those who are single and the general overrated opinion about love relationships expressed all the time through all the media one can think of. However you also seem to be affected by the lack of a love relationship in your life and I think you're looking in the wrong direction. It is your self-esteem and general attitude that needs revising and you are just one of the many people who learn to deal with this. The best way to acquire new confidence is probably forgetting about a love relationship, it never really works when it's an objective, and bring some excitement in your life, engage in activities that you like, go out just for fun, meet someone just for the pleasure of interacting and having a night out. And don't forget to relax and enjoy the moment for the simple reason that every little experience we have is valuable in its own way. When you'll enjoy yourself, there is a big chance that the people you're with are also having a good time and of course, it's easier to connect that way and to want to connect more.

Just try to be happy as a person and to make yourself happy by doing things that you like, finding a way to benefit yourself and the others and all the rest will come Only by enjoying your journey you can actually make it a better journey that will attract whatever it needs in order for you to become a more complete person

[twiks]

@Kromat83-I don't know how to "have regular conversations" with women. As I said, I'm extremely shy and find it basically impossible to talk to women at all. I'm not a "fun" person, I'm really boring. 90% of my hobbies involve me sitting in my apartment.

@Smackie9-Yes, I am negative. No I don't suffer from depression, I suffer from having zero self-esteem or confidence, because there is nothing about myself that I have confidence in.

@Cerby-I realize I'm in my "prime dating age", trust me, I get told that at least 5 times a week. But that doesn't particularly change anything. I am a "Debbie Downer" all the time yes, because nothing in my life has gone right so I have nothing to base my opinions on except for all of my past rejections and horrible dates.

@HeartIsAching-I never claimed to be a winner....

@valixy-I'm not trying to say that it's the end of the world because I've been alone for 5 years. I know there are a lot of people that have been alone longer than that. Being alone has never even bothered me until just recently. I'm just at a point in my life where I'm tired of being alone all of the time. I have not figured out how to "bring excitement into my life", I hate "going out", all of the activities that I enjoy don't involve meeting other people in any way. And even on the very rare occasion that I actually do go out and do something in any kind of social setting, I can't relax and enjoy the moment because I'm too worried about saying or doing something stupid and making myself look like an idiot. I have been trying to make myself happy and do things that I enjoy, but like I said...all of those things pretty much just include me sitting in my apartment by myself. Doesn't exactly help when you're lonely and trying to meet someone that you'd like to try to start a relationship with or whatever.


Yes, I realize that no one is going to be attraacted to me because I'm negative. But I have no idea how to change that about myself. Been that way for 29 years, well...probably 20, I was probably ok when I was a kid. I've had one "successful" relationship, if you want to call it that seeing as it ended in divorce, but it lasted almost 6 years so it was successful compared to the rest of my life. Not counting that relationship, I've been on zero dates in my life, had 2 "girlfriends" back in school that lasted a combined total of 2 months.

Besides that, I've been alone. Being alone is nothing new to me, I can handle it, it's just not as much fun as it used to be. And the whole concept of "going out and meeting someone" doesn't appeal to me at all. Because the people that I'm going to meet out there are going to be people that like "going out". I don't do the whole bar scene, and that's literally the only option anywhere near where I live for "going out".

Anyways, thanks for the replies. I wasn't expecting any, you guys pretty much told me everything that I already know. I'm screwed because I have no self-esteem or confidence. But, thanks again.

[smackie9]

Read this again : "Winners never quit, and quitters never win". He knows you are not a winner, he is pointing out that you are being a quitter, and that you will never get anywhere. If you keep trying you will become a winner.

You say you don't suffer from depression, but how do you really know? Why not get a professional opinion? You might be surprised at their diagnosis.

You are not screwed because not everyone goes to the bar or club to meet people. You can join a club, get a hobby, join a sports team, take up an interest that you can share with others, join a church, or do charity work....you know do something constructive with your time that enables you to meet others outside the club scene.

If you can also join a therapy group that can help you with your self esteem and confidence.

You have many options to make your life better....you just need to stop your bitching, get off your ass, and do something about it. You and only you are responsible for you and what you do.....you deside your destiny.

[pcmaster]

The thing is you messed up your future relationships with the last girl you been together. Bet you was thinking about your ex for too long and that made you stuck in the past. You know what you did wrong with and after your ex so learn and this time do smarter. Its about time to get over her completly.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Do you have anything going for you in life? Do you have a career you enjoy? Hobbies or activities that you're good at or want to get good at?

You sound like a lazy, whiny bitch waiting for Claudia Schiffer to come sweep you off your feet to be honest.

[michelle23]

You sound to me like you could be suffering from depression and very low self-esteem. Have you considered counselling?

I also recomend you make some positive changes to your life. Maybe you need a makeover, study, join a hobby, exercise etc.

I dont agree that you should do all this to sleep around-you should be doing it so you can find a good woman who loves you for who you are.

I bet your not unattractive at alk-you just have no confidence and thats the first thing you need to work on.

Its time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and take action. You can change your life but you need to make some changes

[HeartIsAching]

Anyways, thanks for the replies. I wasn't expecting any, you guys pretty much told me everything that I already know. I'm screwed because I have no self-esteem or confidence. But, thanks again.

If that's what you got out of it, you got the wrong thing. You're screwed because you gave up. If you don't want to be screwed, don't give up.

[smackie9]

Look up "12 things happy people do differently"