finding it hard to cope

[sphalore]

Hello everyone I am new to this forum, But I need to talk to some people who dont know me and wont judge me.

Recentley I split with my girlfriend of 3 years, we were in a long distance relationship she was in Georgia (US) and I am in London (UK), when we met I was 27 and she was 20.
We met online in a chat room/forum for music and immediatley hit it off, got talking exchanged numbers and before we knew it were arranging our first meeting a few months after first meeting
one another online. as the relationship progressed we continued to meet up 4 times a year and each time it was for 1-4 months so we spent most of our time together and when we were apart
we spoke on the phone everyday atleast 4-5 times a day. So there was no long distance issues.

3 weeks ago, we had an argument about something irrelevant and I spoke to her sister (whom I have a good brother/sister bond with) because my then girlfriend would not answer the phone
me and her sister spoke and she reassured me it would blow over, after a few hours it blew over, everything was fine and we continued as if nothing happend, the next morning I received a phone call from her saying "do you want my sister are you in love with her?" I was obviously was shocked since she knew exactly how I and her sister were like siblings. I shocked said "thats an odd thing to say but no", we then argued little over the phone and she then said "why dont u come to america over the summer to see me?" and I said I can do that but I cant get 3 months off from work at most 3 weeks however she could always go summer break from college, I said "it wouldnt be feasible and we wont get our summer together" she then proceeded to accuse me of not wanting to spend time with her family but i reassured her we could do it over xmas when i could come over for a month and she would have 1 month off herself. however she flipped out and kept on screaming saying I should
come to america completley disregarding "our summer" we have had for 2 years together and always had, she then stopped speaking to me for that day and said "we are over" in a text message
later she called me and said "i love you lets make up"so I agreed and said ok let by gones be by gones and lets make up I didnt mean to offend you I just want to spend my 3 months with you like I always have done because I love you and i do want to see your family but lets do it when we can spend less time together.

everything was fine for the entire week we carried on speaking as normal, saying "i love you" the usual daily things and one day I am at work and i get a text message from her saying "I am going out tonight with girlfriend jamelia i havent seen her in a while" so i was ofcourse happy for her and said "have fun we will talk later say hi to your friend" she went out that night came home called me we spoke but were both tired so slept, the next morning i went to work and called her on my lunch break like i always have done however there was no answer for 1 hour, so I assumed she may be sleeping or something due to the time difference, so i texted her "are you ok baby did u wake up yet tried to call let me know when your free or awake"
i got a text message back from her "we need to talk call me when you get home", I found this odd she seemed distant so i said "well i have 6 more hours at work please tell me" she then texted
back and said "im breaking up with you i shouldnt have given u a chance last week" I was at this point shocked, confused and hurt, so said "never contact me again" when i came home i tried to
call her since i had cooled down a little however she had changed her mobile number and deleted me off her facebook and blocked her email address, confused and hurt I assumed she may have gone out with another man instead of "jamelia" due to her breaking up at such a perculiar time, however i tried to contact her and said "why are you doing this you just made up with me last week?"
she didnt respond for a few days I assumed it was over and she was just too cowardly to call me and tel me so she had to text me it. I got rid of all the things we shared in my house and tried to forget her,
however 3 days after her "breaking up" she emails me from another unknown email address and says "What are you doing? i miss you" I was obviously really confused but still in love and wanting to hear from her so i said "ok well call me on the house phone you have my number or give me your new cell phone number", she emailed back saying " ok ok will call u in 10 mins"
i waited and waited and waited emailed her again , again she replied "1 hour ill call", i waited i waited i waited
i then sent an email saying "look just tell me where i stand since you contacted me again after dumping me" please just tell me im only asking for mutual respect and an answer.
however no response and she never responded, that was 2 weeks ago, however i see her on twitter/facebook acting all normal talking to friends/guys people as if nothings happend.

since all of this has happened ive been really hurt, downtroden and depressed im thinking why did she play games with my heart after 3 years and why doesnt she miss me or us, when im sat
here seeing everything around me or on tv that reminds me of us.

please someone help
and I am sorry for such a long email I just hope someone reads it.

Sunny

[lamobatsman]

wow. i didnt know women could be like this hmmmm. maybe michelle can add her 2 cents:p

something seems up. how has she changed all off a sudden? everything was good before yh?

[smackie9]

This is what happen with LDR's....at sometime something's gotta give. 3 years and you are still living apart, second she is young and she is at a different place in her life compared to you being 30. She is just tired of this, had time to think about it and realized this wasn't for her anymore. There are eligible men right at her finger tips....if you were in a young 23 year old girl's shoes, in need of physical touch, which would you rather do? It's a no brainer.

[badrazor]

I have to agree, this is odd behavior for her. She goes from being in love with you to what seems to be very quickly being out of love with you. The only thing i can think of is that she had found another man sometime in the previous couple months and since she probably was able to see him as much as she wanted, it didn't take long to fall for him and slowly fall out with you. It seemed like she was just looking for a reason to fight with you so she could break it off and be with the other guy.

I am not saying what i said is true. I'm just throwing that out there as a possibility. That would just be my guess.

I hope she comes to her senses and realizes she misses you and wants you in her life. I feel your pain.

[smackie9]

People! this sort of thing doesn't happen over night....she's been thinking about it for awhile. She was trying to find a way out without trying to make it look too bad. Like I said LDR's don't work for someone so young. 3 years is a retarded amount of time to be apart....you can't possibly not feel lonely for physical contact. She knew this wasn't going to work. Get real and date locally.

[sphalore]

snackie9 nothing really changed we still were close, she kept sending me photos of her being intimate over the phone saying I love, you one thing though she was a budding actress and was very concerned about moving to the UK as her career path may not be successful here, since she had contacts and agents in the US, and within the last year she had been attending more and more auditions and neglecting her college education and verying further away from moving to the Uk, her even once said "Alison told me she would never move to the UK". despite telling me different things, even though everything was good I noticed she stopped buying me gifts and even on valentines day just gone she didnt bother with even a car, yet I managed to send a car and arrange a present from abroad, not even a car from moonpig.com would have cost but $5 for her. I think its a possibility as badrazaor says she has another man i am not rulling that out at all or saying its not true it could be, I think she was just wanting to explore more date more guys and have her acting
but it shouldnt have been at the cost of my feelings, my heart and my families feelings who grew very attacthed to her and close. Thank you both for your responses

What should I do to ease the pain?
any advice for me please

[smackie9]

Don't blame another guy (tho it is a possiblity) but I feel she was just slowly losing interest in this relationship. Like I said 3 years is way too long to be apart, and this is what usually happens with LDR's....people grow tired, and want more than pictures, and phone calls. I'm surprised it actually lasted as long as it did. I think near the end, she may have been approached for a date, and that was the push that made up her mind. She has feelings too, and why would it be fair for her to stay just for the sake of your feelings? Breaks up hurt.

You need to get out there and start dating. You don't need to be looking for commitment, but just go out and meet people and have fun. Keeping busy, and time is the only way to get through the pain.

[sphalore]

Don't blame another guy (tho it is a possiblity) but I feel she was just slowly losing interest in this relationship. Like I said 3 years is way too long to be apart, and this is what usually happens with LDR's....people grow tired, and want more than pictures, and phone calls. I'm surprised it actually lasted as long as it did. I think near the end, she may have been approached for a date, and that was the push that made up her mind. She has feelings too, and why would it be fair for her to stay just for the sake of your feelings? Breaks up hurt.

You need to get out there and start dating. You don't need to be looking for commitment, but just go out and meet people and have fun. Keeping busy, and time is the only way to get through the pain.

yeah, sounds quite real to me, your probably right but let me correct you it wasnt just pictures and phone calls we last met up in December 2012 for a month and before that in Aug 12, so it wasnt the distance,
yeah 3 years apart is long your right... you are your very right, i didnt want to be apart for that long i wanted to start a life with her after max 2 years.

break ups do hurt.

yeah ill try and get out there, thank you so much

[smackie9]

Best of luck

[sphalore]

I need it, thank you,

[basilandthyme]

we last met up in December 2012 for a month and before that in Aug 12, so it wasnt the distance,

How could it NOT be the distance? I can tell you that a month in Dec and meeting in Aug wouldn't have been near enough for me. How would she have gotten her needs for companionship and physical touch met? Why would the average 23yo settle for this when she has eligible men at her doorstep?

It was foolish to put so much faith in a long distance thing. All you can do is learn from it and find a local girl next time.

[HDI]

Hello there, I hope you're feeling well.

To try and be concise, my first reaction to your post is that she is young and the second thing is her meeting up with her friend. It could simply be that her friend made her realise how the long distance relationship isn't the best thing (like has been said here by others) and her age counts for the horrible horrible way she has carried on and dealt with the situation. You could salvage the friendship if this is the case and you can both deal with it, but then again, I am not sure if giving people chances is the right way to go when hearts get broken. I don't think I would.

All the best.

[badrazor]

Best advice at this point as someone already said is to find a woman locally who you can spend a lot of time with. I'm in the same boat that i need to find a new woman myself after my recent breakup. The only thing that could make me happy again is another woman i can love and who loves me. Maybe that's what you need also to get over her. I wish you the best!

[sphalore]

Best advice at this point as someone already said is to find a woman locally who you can spend a lot of time with. I'm in the same boat that i need to find a new woman myself after my recent breakup. The only thing that could make me happy again is another woman i can love and who loves me. Maybe that's what you need also to get over her. I wish you the best!

I think your right, badrazor i disagree with the earlier comment by someone about the distance and time, because she was with me in 6 months of a year pretty much,

it doesnt matter anymore does it shes not with me

I just want to say to all of you thank you
im still struggling very much I dont know how what to do to just snap out of it

[amy37]

She sounds really screwed in the head sphalore,

Some women play games with people in a LDR because it helps them feel good about themselves, and she sounds like that type. LDR's especially need good communication. This means replying when you say you are, and quickly. I really doesn't sound like this relationship was going to work out anyways. She honestly sounds bipolar.

i'm sorry you had to go through this sphalore, Best of Wishes, and I know that you'll find someone who can love you better. .