Curious as to what you guys think of this guy

[Christinepaul]

I'll try to keep it short but if you want more info, let me know. I've posted a long thread about the whole situation, but I was just thinking about the big picture tonight and wondering what you guys take from it. I'm not one to be gullible, so I wouldn't believe some of the things he told me if I didn't think I had a reason to. His actions and words seemed to be genuine.
So anyway....
Over the course of about six months, he and I have had a rollercoaster relationship. But things have been thrown around in little "moments of clarity" where it honestly seems like he's being open and genuine with me that make me really question what he's trying to tell me.
For example, he broke up with me, wanted to get back together, chased me quite a while, later told me that "he's always the problem in his relationships", "he had realized he could see himself with me for a long time and it freaked him out" and "i had this whole paragraph in my head about how you make me just want to be a better person" (corny, i know). That was all when he had just started going to therapy after our break up.

Then, we got back together and were good for a while (at one point we were just hanging out on the couch he said "i think i'm falling in love with you"), then a couple weeks later he was saying he felt like we weren't connecting enough. However, he didn't try to break up with me again, he just really wanted to try and work on it and connect better as friends. I was surprised actually.

Later on, we broke up because I sort of snapped (partially unrelated, but partly because he was so hot and cold on me). I thought it was totally over then, but he contacted me, we got to talking about it, and we had a really intense, honest talk (which we had desperately needed, but had never had while dating) about what we each wanted out of a relationship. It ended up with him still wanting to work on figuring it out together. However, he says that he doesn't feel like he's ready to be in love with someone i guess. He actually said, "I'm afraid of you falling in love with me cause i can't love in a non plutonic way".
This is where I don't understand him.

I laid down the law on what I want concerning dating/sex/talking regularly/dating someone who cares about me just as much as I care about them and not doing all the work in the relationship/etc. He said that all the things I was saying was what he had wanted the whole time, we just hadn't been communicating about it while we were dating. So on one hand, it sounds like he wants me, wants the same things I do. Just the fact that he keeps coming back and trying to work it out after these things happen confuses me. but one the other he says that we "don't have that spark", that I'm not who he pictured himself ending up with, and he's "not ready, or not mature enough for a love that's not just platonic". Part of the break up was me asking him if it would bother him if i said I liked someone else and started dating him instead (i was trying to get him to think about how much he actually liked me) and he said it wouldn't bother him. During this talk later, he said that he would rather I be happy, and that's what he thought that implied. Then, "you can do what ever you want, i doubt im going anywhere though". (p.s. I don't know what that means)

I'm of the opinion that you should listen to what a guy says when he says stuff like that and believe it, but his actions just aren't matching his words. It's bizarre.
If he honestly feels that way, he should just give up. What's keeping him coming back? (no, it's not sex cause we weren't having any) lol

Let's not make this about whether or not I should take him back, because that's not what I'm confused about. I just want some insight into what's going on here. If he were just using me because he wants A relationship, he's sure putting in a lot of time and effort to try and work on it.



This is part rant/ part curiosity. Let me know what you think is going on in his head here please. I'd love to get a guy's perspective.

[basilandthyme]

So, he wanted to care about you and show love equally, but just didn't communicate it. I say Bollocks to that. If he wanted to do it, he could have done it. But he chose not to. End of story.

Nobody can tell you what he's thinking, but we can see BS when we read it. And your ex is full of it.

[Love'sReject]

Wow. King of crap. If a guy that you've been seeing for sometime even hints about having something again but that he can't "love in a non-PLATONIC way", then sounds like he just wants sex.

[smackie9]

To be honest, you shouldn't be wasting your time on such crap. Just because you want something doesn't mean you can have it. Whatever issue he has with commitment, is not yours to fix or examine. Reality check: Even if you have a total understanding of what is going through his head, won't help you achieve a normal relationship or friendship with him anyways....it is what it is. He will always give you the run around. Do you really want that? No. I suggest you just move on.