How to let go?!?

[struggling1]

Ok, will try and keep this as short as possible.

I broke up with my girlfriend of 7 years 6 months ago as she cheated on me and I couldn’t trust her anymore and it just didn’t ‘feel’ right. I know it was the right thing to do as staying with her and ‘trying to work things out’ would have just led to continuing mistrust of her and it would have led to a really negative relationship. I know this and I know I don’t want to be back in a relationship with her but I can’t seem to let things go. Most of the relationship was good but having seen her true colours I know that she wasn’t the one for me, however....

I dream about her almost every night and find that even little triggers of memories can lead me to think about her for hours. How can I let her go? I’ve done the normal thing of hanging out with friends, taking up a new hobby etc etc but just can’t shake her/the memory of her fully and it’s really starting to eat at me. I’ve tried dating other people to see if that helps but I just think of her when I look at them so have knocked that one on the head for now as it’s not fair to them.

I want to wake up and her not be the first thought in my mind and to be able to actually live my life again rather than still just going through the motions. I am in a different place emotionally than I was 6 months ago so do I just need to give it more time? Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas about what I can do?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Have you tried banging some other chicks?

[JJhon]

Have you tried banging some other chicks?

Why is this kind of responses that we have from stupid people?

The fact that we will bang other chicks it will just remember her more and more! Just hangout with your group of friends, have fun!!

Sent from my Galaxy S2

[overanxious]

in a similar boat man...i understand your pain

i fell in love with a girl who was a family friend and had a crush on me since we were kids....it was so great...i thought i had found my best friend and wed always be together....but as time went on there was no effort from her to move passed the honeymoon stage and build something real and i continued to grow frustrated.....i threatned to leave the relationship several times hoping it would make her wake up....and wed eventually get passed it...but then nothing would change...not alot of give and take....in my head i knew it wasnt right.....but my heart wouldnt let me let go...i loved having a best friend i could share anything with...i loved the goodnight i love you texts and just the feeling ...i had invested alot of myself financially and emotionally....even moved to her hometown so she could be near her family(who always seemed to take priority)....

when i moved there things got even worse....even though there were still great times there.....i kept saying that maybe i should leave or that we arent right.....the last month-3 weeks i was there she started talking to someone behind my back...i know she never physically saw him...but it was brewing behind my back....before that i even asked her if she wanted me to leave or she wanted something else....she said no....but she was slowly detaching.....eventually i blew up on her again for her failure to act like a responsible adult and put "us" first and she broke it off.....and went out on a date like less than a week after i left....at first i didnt believe it....but then it all became pretty clear....and she denied a million times....i told her i knew and just said "why couldnt you have just told me you didnt believe in us anymore....it would have been ok...and we could have remained good friends like you wanted"......

what she did was rotten...to someone who sacrificed so much for her....i get that she didnt like me threatning to leave....and that maybe we could both see that it wasnt going to work and she was just the one to actually see it and let it go....but i think looking for supply before you actually leave is rotten and hurts feelings like you wouldnt believe

its been about 7-8 months now....but im still in the same boat...i think about it daily....i still have dreams all the time(when we were together she was never in my dreams)....what could have been a good friendship was ruined.....i go out with friends i have abandoned for her....do things....but it still doesnt erase it all.....

I go out and girls come up and talk to me and im just not into it....ha...even last night a girl started talking to me at a bar...."whats your name"...i answered and just kinda turned away "normally after a girl asks you your name you ask hers" she said...lolol.....its hard....im just not that into it .....i dunno what it is....but im just afraid....i had another real pretty girl that was interested and i went over to watch a movie at her place and she laid her head down on my lap...and i just felt so weird and uncomfortable.....i used to be so comfortable with my ex....i used to sleep like a baby too....not a real worry in the world...now i wakeup randomly in the middle of the night

just last night i had a dream with her in it....i came to a bedroom she was in....and i went to give her something and she had a smile on her face...and i said something to her....and she said "shhhh quiet" as i saw new bf asleep in the bed....and i left......

i dunno about any suggestions man....just gotta keep getting up everyday and trying i guess

[Ann S]

This girl CHEATED ON YOU!! If YOU think most of the relationship was good, I'd encourage you to re think this! Women just don't up and go out and cheat when their needs are being met at home.

You know yourself well enough to say that you did the right thing by ending the relationship because you couldn't trust her again. And honestly, she's shown you she's not trustworthy. This would always be a wedge between you. You are in a grieving process about your relationship and need to allow yourself some time to heal. Another woman won't make the process go faster.'

When you wake up in the morning, CHANGE YOUR THINKING! We can do this. When she pops into your mind, select another thought. Decide what this thought is. For example: you wake up, she pops into your mind and you immediately say to yourself, "whoops, can't think about her, I need to think about........" and then DO it. This has worked for so many folks. Good Luck, Ann

[overanxious]

its hard man...i totally understand...all the precious moments are lost....dont mean a thing anymore really(unless you are strong enough to keep them and remember them as good times)....

I remember how great we started....how my ex used to wait for me to come home from work and have a great meal ready for me....and would hide on me and scare me by jumping out from behind things....and she would laugh so hard(she even did this stuff in our last month)....i live in an apartment that we lived in together...with appliances and furniture i let her pick out....and i remember in our rough times how she would say "i wish things were like they used to be"....but i realize this girl isnt capable of being a responsible adult and moving towards an adult type of relationship which is what i was pushing for......one day shed say she was ready to start being better with money and saving....then a week or two later it was like we never had the conversation.....she did what she wanted and i just had to go along with it and love her for her or get on with it....

the last month looking back on us...it breaks my heart to this day...she was back and forth between loving and detaching....some days she wanted me to go do stuff with her family...and i wouldnt answer an early morning call cause i wanted to sleep in....shed drive over and jump in my bed and gives me kisses....then other days i would try to be playful with her and it was like she wouldnt respond....she was already in another place....all i wanted was for her to just say it and tell me if she wasnt into it anymore.....but she couldnt do it.....she had to wait it out for me to be the bad guy....because when i voiced what i wanted and needed....it was like "how dare you not think im perfect"....and id get tears and i was made out to be mean and a bad guy.....its sad to know someone you loved wasnt really trying when you were giving it a last ditch effort to make it work and try.....it sucks to know someone didnt believe in you as a couple anymore but just kinda went through the motions and wouldnt say it

it all happened so fast too....because a month earlier i know she was still into it....and even crazier was after i was gone....the day i left i changed my fb status and she got all pissed "grow up...i was going to leave it up for awhile"...i said "why...whats the point...im going back home and its over"......she would say I made no effort to win her back or make her change her mind....but i knew there was nothing to change....she was out on a date and calling some guy her bf two weeks after i was gone....yet when i was photographed on fb with another girl she deleted the girl(who was a mutual friend) who posted the pic and went nutty on me for a minute...trying to talk the girl down....

i guess in the end i know this girl isnt fully mentally stable....no matter what she will always have issues...up days and down days....

we dont have any contact....but every once in awhile i check her twitter account which she rarely uses....and most of her tweets are negative...she hadnt tweeted in a few months and i randomly checked a few weeks ago for shits and giggles....and there was a post that said "sad but true..." with a link to a pinterest card that said "no one ever gets tired of loving. they just get tired of waiting, apologizing, getting disappointed, and being hurt"......not really sure what it meant....but at least i know everyday for her isnt this great day of joy and happiness like I imagine....we tried to be friends at first when i actually believed that i was at fault....i saw her post things about her new love interest on fb....it was literally the same quotes about love and same song quotes that she posted when we first got together too....the same exact stuff...thats when i realized she was a narcissist...

[struggling1]

You are in a grieving process about your relationship and need to allow yourself some time to heal.

Thanks for this but how long will this go on for? I knew that I would be like this to begin with but still after 6 months... I'm not going to over analyse the relationship any more about what was good and what was bad as this will just take me right back to square one but I hear what you're saying about it may not have been all I thought it was, this was partly the reason for me ending it!

[Ann S]

Grieving can go on for a long time. But, I think you are grieving the ideal, not the person, the real person. who cheated on you. Again, do you want a woman you can't trust/? That's the bottom line. You selected a person (and I know you didn't know this at the time) who looked for an emotional outlet outside your relationship by having an affair. She couldn't be honest enough with you to discuss what was bothering her and keep it inside your relationship. Honestly, you have to change your thoughts.....go read 50 Shades of Grey! That will put your focus elsewhere! Ann

[stan92964]

I've gone through more than one break-up in my life where I thought I would never be able to find someone that I could love like that again. Loosing someone you really love is not a small thing and does not go away quickly.
I look back over the process of getting through it and truly moving on ... time is an ingredient that can't be hurried or skipped no matter how much you would like to. To begin with you mechanically do the things you have to do in life and slowly it changes to doing these things because you want to. I think just knowing that something in us does change over time from doing what we have to to begin with to one day wanting to live life again, helps.

[struggling1]

I think just knowing that something in us does change over time from doing what we have to to begin with to one day wanting to live life again, helps.

Thanks for the response, just wished I had a fast-forward button!!

[michelle23]

7 years is a long time man and its hard. When you lose someone you love it can take 2-3years to really heal emotionally. Its tough but you did the right thing by ending it. You should focus on yourself, eat healthy, exercise, spend time with people who care, throw yourself into work (try to get a promotion or go study), its important to do constructive things to keep busy. Even join a few hobbies. It will get easier in time.

I dont agree with Ann that she cheated coz "her needs were not being met at home". Its not your fault if someone cheats on you-they are responsible for their own behavior and if they are unhappy-they can either try to fix whatever is wrong, get relationship counselling or leave. Cheating is not the answer and you should not blame yourself for what she did.

You will get through this. You just need time to heal and get strong again and eventually you will be ready for a new love. This will help you to set your standards high and meet "the one"