What have i done - advise!

[watto]

Well i eneded a 9 month relationship late December. The reason for this was i didnt feel my gf was offering me quality time and wasnt happy unless she was with her family. We chatted about this but it was deemed to fail as we both wanted different things from the relationship. Since that time i felt she didnt careless too much even though she said she was bothered at the time, so we havent really spoke since that time.
Just yesterday though she dropped a little bomb shell on me saying she had met someone and i should know about it. My heart sunk even though i thought i was over her...since then i have felt numb!! She obviously has moved on and met someone but what can i do to rid the pain?
most people would say move on dont contact each other but here is the issue......we work together, luckly not every day as im out on the field mainly but even so our pathes cross when i go in the office. A career change is out the question but i obviously have strong feeling towards her even though i think she treated me a little shabbily, any advise to move on would be great i cant carry on like this!!!

[lamobatsman]

pfft i hate girls like her lol. shes moved on while you're still grieving. im sorry man. she didnt need to tell u that pfft from her

[lamobatsman]

no contact is a must.

[watto]

pfft i hate girls like her lol. shes moved on while you're still grieving. im sorry man. she didnt need to tell u that pfft from her

Well maybe for not talking i got what i deserved but she was treating me and not caring that we split up which hurt so i guess thats why i went and ignored her. I dont think she really needed to tell me...its annoying as before this i thought i was over her but clearly not! She said that the reason she told me was incase someone at work was to tell me and it may upset me infront of them! She just carrrying on like nothing has ever happened between us which is annoying in itself.

[watto]

no contact is a must.

Contact has to be made as we work together. I email her if anything at the moment but sometime need to discuss work issues. I cant leave the job as its well paid etc and she wont either as she is lined up to be a director in time. MAkes it harder i guess

[lamobatsman]

i dont think that she cared about u asmuch as u wanted. u had to leave her. if not she wud have left u anyway for someone better. sorry bro. u did it right and now u have to move on even though i know it hurts shes found someone else. ur better than her. u will find someone 10 times better and she will become a distant memory. shes not even caring about u anymore which is not nice.

[lamobatsman]

if contact has to be made keep it professionall and short

[watto]

i dont think that she cared about u asmuch as u wanted. u had to leave her. if not she wud have left u anyway for someone better. sorry bro. u did it right and now u have to move on even though i know it hurts shes found someone else. ur better than her. u will find someone 10 times better and she will become a distant memory. shes not even caring about u anymore which is not nice.

I think your right there is a lack of caring defintely as there was in the relationship, there was instances were i wanted to do things but she didnt but like taing her away etc. I once had some money from a relative whom had died and she said we could go away but she had just 2 weekends available in 4 mnths!! Everything was about her sadly and i feel she only wants a bf to be part of a crowd as her mates are all loved up etc. Maybe its my fault though that she doesnt care about me at all, i am suprised she is moving on so soon, months isnt a long time....plus to the day more or less it would of been a year since we got together which made it worse by telling me!!

its how you move on thats the problem i guess

[lamobatsman]

im surprised shes moved on so quickly. just shows she didnt really like u or care that much. i dont understand how girls can move on so quickly if they had feelings etc etc

[watto]

im surprised shes moved on so quickly. just shows she didnt really like u or care that much. i dont understand how girls can move on so quickly if they had feelings etc etc

I know i couldnt move on that quickly, hope my stomach feels better soon

[watto]

Any other advise would ba helpful from anyone. I just added up its like 120 days since we split. In that time she has obviusly fallen out of love with me, started again and fallen for someone else...all in 120 days!

[Split_interests]

Eh, some people move on quicker, that tends to be partially decided by how quickly you run into someone who you could fall for. Given how you currently feel about her I would focus on three things. 1) All the ways your life is awesome anyway. If you can't think of that many things make some happen. 2)Go out of your way to have as little contact with her and thoughts about her as possible. 3) Notice other potential mates, you don't necessarily have to go for them, but notice there are other awesome people out there you could love.

Our brains are weird, we desperately want what we can't have. Before she started dating someone else you felt good about the break up, you felt good not dating her. Now she's dating someone else and you can't have her so you want her soooo bad. Realize that if you liked her so much that it would be the not being with her, not the thought of her being with someone else that made you sad.

[Wakeup]

Well maybe for not talking i got what i deserved but she was treating me and not caring that we split up which hurt so i guess thats why i went and ignored her. I dont think she really needed to tell me...its annoying as before this i thought i was over her but clearly not! She said that the reason she told me was incase someone at work was to tell me and it may upset me infront of them! She just carrrying on like nothing has ever happened between us which is annoying in itself.

You should silently thanking her for warning you so that you could easily tell someone else, should they bring it up, that you're aware of it and that you wish her well. You've said it yourself that she didn't care about the ending of your relationship so this shouldn't come as any surprise to you. Keep in mind that, as you said, you both had different relationship goals so really, what is the point of resenting her or being bugged by the fact that she's moving on?

The best revenge is living well so don't stagnate yourself in this current state of mind you're in because the only one suffering if you do, is yourself.

No immature thoughts of I hate her for being happy either. That's just you drinking poisen and expecting her to get sick.

Carry on, no contact while keeping it civil at work. That's all you can do anyway.

[Wakeup]

Any other advise would ba helpful from anyone. I just added up its like 120 days since we split. In that time she has obviusly fallen out of love with me, started again and fallen for someone else...all in 120 days!

You broke up with her because:

Well i eneded a 9 month relationship late December. The reason for this was i didnt feel my gf was offering me quality time and wasnt happy unless she was with her family. We chatted about this but it was deemed to fail as we both wanted different things from the relationship.

You did the right thing now quit second guessing yourself and playing some sort of victim. It will only stagnate you from getting over her and finding someone that does want the same things fromt he relationship.

Did you break up with her hoping she'd run back to you and give you what you want? Surely you did not.... so end your current state of mind and get on with your life without her in it. It's allllll just a state of mind.

[watto]

You broke up with her because: You did the right thing now quit second guessing yourself and playing some sort of victim. It will only stagnate you from getting over her and finding someone that does want the same things fromt he relationship.

Did you break up with her hoping she'd run back to you and give you what you want? Surely you did not.... so end your current state of mind and get on with your life without her in it. It's allllll just a state of mind.

I guess there is a hint of jelousy that he whoever he is on the scene. She obviously has moved on and will have a better life, sadly i wont. //i dount i will meet anyone in the forseeable future