Does she still have feelings for me/find me attractive? Is she lying?

[bertyhendo]

Made another thread in the 'Love Advice' forum, but I could use a girls perspective on how my ex is thinking.

So we started going out. She had never had any sexual experiences before. I had had a bit, but we're both virgins - both wanting to wait till marriage. We started seeing each other, and she wanted me to do things to her, and we both did everything but sex. She tells me she loves me, but I didn't say it back so she ended things with me. She goes on a date, I tell her I have feelings for her but she doesn't believe me, so I say am moving on. That same night she texts me - whilst with a group of friends - saying she misses the things we've done. We do everything but sex. Even tell each other how we feel for each other, and we should keep things as this for now and then work on our relationship. She then starts 'sexting' me the next day, and I go round because she wants more of what happened the night before, but we stop because her housemates are around. She then texts me saying she wants me to sleep with her, which was a bit out of the blue and am unsure about it. I say to do more of the other stuff first, and she agrees, wants me to go round the next day. She then get's a call from home and her brother is ill and she rings me and tells me we can't do any of this stuff anymore.

I try to talk to her about it a few days later, and she claims she was drunk. She'd had a bottle of cider the first night and a bottle the next day at lunch. However she claims it was in her system and that's what made her act like she had done with me.

We say to try as friends, but she says she can't be a proper friend to me because she's worried about drinking around me because she'll 'want me'. Then she says she doesn't want it to happen, and it won't... but can't risk it in case it does.

So yeah. What's the deal? Does she have feelings for me? Does she still 'like' me? Is she lying to me about being drunk?

Is there a way anything good can come of this?

ALSO: Did she mean it when she said she loved me, or was it that she just 'lusted' after me? Because if she loved me she wouldn't be treating me like crap at the moment, would she? Or would she? I dunno.

Thanks!

[Ann S]

Hello: Does all the detail really matter? You had a girlfriend. She ended it, but it wasn't a clean parting because she is still playin' around with you, and you are allowing it. Who knows if she meant it when she said she loved you? She changes her mind all the time, according to you. I say, focus on something else, we can never read people's minds and their actions really tell us what's going on. Move on to someone more stable! Ann

[bertyhendo]

Hello: Does all the detail really matter? You had a girlfriend. She ended it, but it wasn't a clean parting because she is still playin' around with you, and you are allowing it. Who knows if she meant it when she said she loved you? She changes her mind all the time, according to you. I say, focus on something else, we can never read people's minds and their actions really tell us what's going on. Move on to someone more stable! Ann

I would do, but if there's a chance she still has feelings for me - which if she 'loved me', those feelings wouldn't be gone, especially if she's wanting to do stuff with me after a month and a half of not being together 'officially'. Which makes me think she still has feelings for me/likes me/attracted to me or whatever, but won't admit to it because of everything that's happened, you know? I don't know if I'm right in thinking that at all, hence me coming here for advice, but I guess if there's a chance of any of that, I don't want to give up and try and win her back.

[Ann S]

Why would you want someone who wasn't into you 100%???? Don't you deserve that? Why wait around for someone who isn't sure, or who takes a powder on you for no apparent reason? I hope you don't hang around for, "scraps," because they are never a full meal and are so unsatisfying! Good luck to you. Ann

[smackie9]

Hi friend! I have your answer! She's not unstable, she's just inexperienced and doesn't know she needs to communicate what she really wants to you. Any young girl will get stubborn, and expects the guy to know, and she is waiting for you to figure it out. That is why she pulls you in, and pushes you away because she is trying to make you think. Her behavior is a response to you not saying you love her back. It devistated her, and she doesn't trust you now. Saying you have feelings for isn'y goin gto be enough. She is waiting for a grand gesture to turn this thing around. She wants more emtional connection from you and show more commitment. Stop with the sexing, and get more romantic. Send her flowers, a poem, something that is very personal and from the heart. She wants to hear it "I love you with all my heart" "I want to be with you always" anything like that. So get off your butt and be a love sick fool to her.

If this doesn't work, delete her number, etc. Cut her off. Maybe that will make her think.