I have a secret and strange addiction, moving in with BF very soon, how to tell him?

[Dorkette]

I'm moving in with my BF of 8 months and his roommate in about a week. I'm really excited but also really scared, and not of commitment or the unknown or us not getting along, I'm scared because I currently spend most of my time at home wearing a neck brace...that's my strange addiction. I wear the foamy ones, the kind that look like a giant marshmallow...the stereotypical insurance fraud collar lol. My parents are a few of the people who know that I do this, so it's normal for me to just walk around my house with one on. So normal in fact, they usually only comment if I'm NOT wearing one. I've been happily doing this for years, so I'm very accustomed and used to it being there, for at least part of my day, mostly every day. I can't sleep without them, either. Every time i've spent the night somewhere where I "couldn't" wear one to bed, I was very uncomfortable even laying down and usually just sat up all night..of coarse longing for the comfort and support of one of my collars. I often long for them when I'm out, or at work, or wherever. I wonder why I'm not wearing one, and it's enough to drive me crazy some days. I'm somewhat used to these, but sometimes I seriously consider 24/7/365 use. It's very appealing to me, but I haven't crossed to that extreme...yet. But that should give you an idea of how much I like these things.

Obviously, my current BF doesn't know anything about this. One of my exes knows, because he found out accidently. I was embarrassed at first, and wouldn't wear them in front of him, but he insisted because he knew I really wanted to. His reaction was mostly just curiousity, and said it didn't bother him at all. He even told me I could try
keeping it on during sex if I wanted, but I declined since I didn't want an awkward but heavenly comfortable foam neck brace to become a sex necessity. This makes me feel better about telling my current BF, but he's a different person so who knows how he will react? I can't imagine just kicking this and going cold turkey, nor do I want to, but I have no idea how to approach this, plus I know how weird it's going to be wearing it front of him at first. My anxiety over this is reaching a scary level, and I'm running out of time. As I sit here wearing one of my favorite collars, I fear what life would be like without them, but I equally fear the possibility of losing of my BF. Even if his reaction wasn't that extreme, any negative reaction or attitude towards this would likely make me very uncomfortable...especially since I'm so used it just being a normal part of everything where no one even seems to notice.

Thanks for reading, and thanks in advance for any help or ideas! Have a good weekend!

[bcgirl]

Have you seen a therapist about this issue? You can't live your life couped up in your own world and unable to form lasting relationships because of this problem. You HAVE to stop with your nonsense. What kinda parents allow their child to walk around looking like a lunatic everyday?

[Wakeup]

I have a really ingrained fetish/habit as well. Seems I have to eat three meals a day, EVERY day. My husband knows about it though and he accepted it fully. I suggest you just be honest with your new boyfriend too and hopefully when you've lost all muscle in your neck to the point of atrophy and HAVE to wear on 24/7/365 he'll be prepared (and quite used) to the look. 0.o

[dem862]

This isn't really an addiction. It is an obsession. Obsessions are anxiety disorders. You suffer from anxiety. This also explains why you are fearful of changes and the future. Usually something like this is treated with cognitive behavioral therapy. It should only take a few weeks with a competent therapist. You could also try to go 'cold turkey' by yourself. However you should be aware that you may substitute other behaviors in its place. You need to learn some rational thinking to deal with your anxiety. I suspect you have other fears and phobias that make your life problematic. You really should deal with the underlying cause, which is your anxiety. On a side note, there is a name for people who wear those collars. They're called Plaintiffs.

[pcmaster]

Dont see whats wrong with that. Dogs wear collars, gots wear collars. For me is much stranger to see a girl with a strange haircut rather than collar.Would be cool if all bitches were wearing collars.

I think you should expose yourself to people. Like go to supermarked and just do what you have to do. Its very akward for first minutes but soon you will see that no one cares and even more you dont care either about what other thinks or wears. Sometimes I wear kids hat - it draws lots of random attention but I like it. Its better to be diferent than invisible.

[frampt333]

Dont see whats wrong with that. Dogs wear collars, gots wear collars. For me is much stranger to see a girl with a strange haircut rather than collar.Would be cool if all bitches were wearing collars.

.

Please google ''neck collar'' and say that again. You're thinking about the wrong kind of collar. This is the medical one.

She should get therapy to get rid of the obsession.

[pcmaster]

Oh thats some serious stuff than. Must be feeling of comfort or feeling safe, pampered that makes you do it.

[Dorkette]

Wow. What a bunch of overreacters. I have asked this question in other forums and have not had this kind of reaction on any of them. Some of this stuff here is just...wow.

You HAVE to stop with your nonsense. What kinda parents allow their child to walk around looking like a lunatic everyday?

This is the worst. Yeah my nonsense. You clearly understand me better than I do. And thanks for insulting both me and my family. And why do I HAVE to stop? If I don't, is the world going to stop turning? Is your house going to collapse? Will the bird flu go airborne? Tell me, why is it so imperative that I stop? You're doing good out there, just keep it up.

This isn't really an addiction. It is an obsession. Obsessions are anxiety disorders. You suffer from anxiety. This also explains why you are fearful of changes and the future. Usually something like this is treated with cognitive behavioral therapy. It should only take a few weeks with a competent therapist. You could also try to go 'cold turkey' by yourself. However you should be aware that you may substitute other behaviors in its place. You need to learn some rational thinking to deal with your anxiety. I suspect you have other fears and phobias that make your life problematic. You really should deal with the underlying cause, which is your anxiety. On a side note, there is a name for people who wear those collars. They're called Plaintiffs.

Way too many assumptions here. How can you assume to know so much about me? I find foam collars comfortable, because they are soft. I like wearing them, which is a bit off beat. I'm aware of this. I am not fearful of the future, nor do I have underlying anxiety problems. I did, in fact, briefly see a therapist about this issue. She said it was hardly a big deal, said I seemed well adjusted socially, and thankfully didn't try to prescribe me any pills. She said trying to repress it would, however, almost surely lead to anxiety and other problems. She did warn me that I would likely face the situation I'm currently in, and would have to deal with it one way or another. I only went to her three times, but I felt alot better about this afterwards. Sadly I didn't take her advice and plan for my current dilemma. I'm AM fearful, however, of getting a reaction from my BF like I have from this particular forum. Thanks for your help, friend. You didn't offer any advice for opening up about this, and instead just assumed I'm some head case who needs cognitive behavioral therapy. I'm here for F##$#$#KING relationship advice, not psychiatric advice, Dr. Assumestoomuch. Have a nice day!

I have a really ingrained fetish/habit as well. Seems I have to eat three meals a day, EVERY day. My husband knows about it though and he accepted it fully. I suggest you just be honest with your new boyfriend too and hopefully when you've lost all muscle in your neck to the point of atrophy and HAVE to wear on 24/7/365 he'll be prepared (and quite used) to the look. 0.o

Remarkably insightful. I don't think I'll ever have any questions about relationships again. I can appreciate sarcasm, but I don't see how it is appropriate when I'm asking a personal question here. And short of a serious neuromuscular disorder, it's impossible to "lose all the muscle in my neck". They could become weak, sure, but there's this magical thing people do called exercise! Thanks for your "concern" though.

So again, thank you so much loveforum.net members, for all of your remarkably insightful advice. I haven't got a reaction nearly as over reactive or just plain demeaning anywhere else. This place must be special. No one even bothered to take a step back and realize I'm not hurting anybody, or shooting heroin, before diagnosing me with multiple mental problems or outright insulting me. God forbid someone offer a bit of advice on how to approach telling my BF, and I'm really screwed if he's like the people here. You're not helping anyone with "advice" like that. So maybe YOU should stop YOUR nonsense. I'm done here, I doubt I'll be returning to read whatever rebuttals you may come up with. Have a nice day!

[basilandthyme]

If wearing a collar is so insignificant, why did you feel the need to come here for advice?

[HeartIsAching]

Don't go bustin' out logic on her, BnT

[Wakeup]

Wow. What a bunch of overreacters. I have asked this question in other forums and have not had this kind of reaction on any of them. Some of this stuff here is just...wow.



This is the worst. Yeah my nonsense. You clearly understand me better than I do. And thanks for insulting both me and my family. And why do I HAVE to stop? If I don't, is the world going to stop turning? Is your house going to collapse? Will the bird flu go airborne? Tell me, why is it so imperative that I stop? You're doing good out there, just keep it up.



Way too many assumptions here. How can you assume to know so much about me? I find foam collars comfortable, because they are soft. I like wearing them, which is a bit off beat. I'm aware of this. I am not fearful of the future, nor do I have underlying anxiety problems. I did, in fact, briefly see a therapist about this issue. She said it was hardly a big deal, said I seemed well adjusted socially, and thankfully didn't try to prescribe me any pills. She said trying to repress it would, however, almost surely lead to anxiety and other problems. She did warn me that I would likely face the situation I'm currently in, and would have to deal with it one way or another. I only went to her three times, but I felt alot better about this afterwards. Sadly I didn't take her advice and plan for my current dilemma. I'm AM fearful, however, of getting a reaction from my BF like I have from this particular forum. Thanks for your help, friend. You didn't offer any advice for opening up about this, and instead just assumed I'm some head case who needs cognitive behavioral therapy. I'm here for F##$#$#KING relationship advice, not psychiatric advice, Dr. Assumestoomuch. Have a nice day!



Remarkably insightful. I don't think I'll ever have any questions about relationships again. I can appreciate sarcasm, but I don't see how it is appropriate when I'm asking a personal question here. And short of a serious neuromuscular disorder, it's impossible to "lose all the muscle in my neck". They could become weak, sure, but there's this magical thing people do called exercise! Thanks for your "concern" though.

So again, thank you so much loveforum.net members, for all of your remarkably insightful advice. I haven't got a reaction nearly as over reactive or just plain demeaning anywhere else. This place must be special. No one even bothered to take a step back and realize I'm not hurting anybody, or shooting heroin, before diagnosing me with multiple mental problems or outright insulting me. God forbid someone offer a bit of advice on how to approach telling my BF, and I'm really screwed if he's like the people here. You're not helping anyone with "advice" like that. So maybe YOU should stop YOUR nonsense. I'm done here, I doubt I'll be returning to read whatever rebuttals you may come up with. Have a nice day!

... lol ...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Coming from someone who has a broken spine, and has had to wear a brace for the past two months, I say you are a ****ing psycho and I'm actually offended for me and the other cripples in the world. Get ****ed.

How's that for insensitive? Cunt.

[bcgirl]

Remarkably insightful. I don't think I'll ever have any questions about relationships again. I can appreciate sarcasm, but I don't see how it is appropriate when I'm asking a personal question here. And short of a serious neuromuscular disorder, it's impossible to "lose all the muscle in my neck". They could become weak, sure, but there's this magical thing people do called exercise! Thanks for your "concern" though.

So again, thank you so much loveforum.net members, for all of your remarkably insightful advice. I haven't got a reaction nearly as over reactive or just plain demeaning anywhere else. This place must be special. No one even bothered to take a step back and realize I'm not hurting anybody, or shooting heroin, before diagnosing me with multiple mental problems or outright insulting me. God forbid someone offer a bit of advice on how to approach telling my BF, and I'm really screwed if he's like the people here. You're not helping anyone with "advice" like that. So maybe YOU should stop YOUR nonsense. I'm done here, I doubt I'll be returning to read whatever rebuttals you may come up with. Have a nice day!

Hey, if majority thinks you are weird. Then yah. Because the definition of normal means majority rules. Majority of us on this forum thinks you are, and your post clearly solidifies that you are a total nutcase that not only has a f@cked up fetish but also mentally f#cked too. If your foam collar isn't so much an obsession, why are you so fearful of losing this stupid habit? Enough to lose romantic relationships with ppl over? You claim that your neck won't become weak and snap in half from not wearing it so what is the big deal? No you ain't Hurting anyone else from it, only yourself because you can't make proper social long term close relationships. An autistic person ain't Hurtin anyone, a person of Down syndrome ain't hurting anyone, a person with OCD ain't hurting anyone...the list can go on, so your theory of "if I ain't hurting anyone, I must be sane" is ruled out. So go on and live your 20 hrs a day everyday wearing that collar, go off and make babies and bring them up in this world to witness mommy's 20 hrs a day foam collar wearing, and when your children hits puberty lets see how many mental disorders arise out of that. Just what society needs. So to answer your original post of what you should do with the bf. dump him and be with your foam collar forever, get married to that because society site doesn't want you to reproduce.

[TablesandChairs]

As you are probably aware, it is rather strange and how your partner will react really depends on him and how he feels about you spending most of your time at home wearing a neck brace when you don't actually need one. It may lead him to question if there's something wrong with you and whether or not the underlying cause of why you have to wear a neck brace is something more serious. We all have quirks, though...but this one is a bit more obvious and he'll have to explain it to his housemate and other people in his life who might see you wearing it, which might make him feel uncomfortable. But we all have our quirks. I would tell him before you move in so he's at least prepared. At the end of the day, if it's something you can't live without, then it's up to him to either accept it and think 'no big deal' or not. You could reach certain compromises...such as not wearing it if you have company over etc.

[kat82]

This makes me think of a girl I grew up with...she was one of my best friends. As a kid she constantly walked on her tippie toes. Once we got into high school her mother made her stop, because it was weird. Even though she attempted to walk normal, she walked totally weird (like bouncing around/wobbling type of thing) because she had absolutely no flexibility in her calves. She got made fun of a lot for it.

People form weird habbits as kids & the older you get the harder it is to shake it. If it effects you negatively when you can't be around your brace...I would suggest perhaps getting professional help to break it.