more NPD or BPD??

[overanxious]

still trying to pin this one down

early on in the relationship my ex said some things in moments of deep conversation...she always kept a picture with her of her and her parents when she was 3 before her brother and sister were born ...she was like "thats when life was good".....it became apparent that she craved such attention from her parents.....I even asked "would you prefer they were never born "..."oh no absolutely not I love them"

early on her and her baby sister lived at home...they would constantly fight and she would always try to get her sister in trouble(she was about 24..not normal)...she would point out empty liquor bottles in her sisters car to her parents(they are christian and there is no booze in there household ever)....they almost got into a physical altercation once....later in teh relationship her sister had her own place and it was like they were best friends again....she would also get into alot of petty fights with her mother and brother....but as soon as the daily attention was on her and not her sister she seemed happy about it.......although there were times shed come home from work and want to talk her parents ears off about her day and her mom would "shush" her because they were trying to watch a program and she wouldnt stop talking

the days when she would fight with whomever shed always run to me and cry and want to talk about it...i suggested she change her approach or try to change things....she would always do something nice for them(help out with householdi stuff) and then whenever she pushed the limits and theyd argue shed say "but i did blah blah for them and they still treat me like this"....id say "do things out of love and not expect any kind of reward or special treatment"....she would always get pissy and say "i just need someone to talk to i dont need advice"..........so eventually i learned to stop trying to talk her through it and just listen......well.....same old stuff....so id just listen and take everything in and not say much....shed say "you arent even listening are you".....Id say "if i give you my opinion or advice you get mad....so im listening" to which I would prove it by repeating everything she just said back to me......couldnt really win

sometimes i think her mother was really narcissitic......my ex would bend over backwards to do stuff for her....almost out of a need to feel loved and admired as much as the other two kids.....like she was fighting for her place.......its almost like she wass trained to be that one that couldnt leave her mothers side and would do work for her while her sister was out doing whatever she wanted and living her own life...my ex seemed so attached to her parents ....her mother was really nice to me to my face....but if my ex ever ran to her about an issue we had she would be upset with me even banning me from the house a couple of times for a weeks at a time until things would loosen up(her mother would eventually give me a card and a small gift to apologize and explain herself)....her parents would go through the same issues with her that i did....but it only seemed to click when it hit them directly....if it was me....it was like I was the bad guy for not just fully accepting it and letting her be......

she once told me "i hope I die before my parents"....i took this kind of in stride...like she was just emotional ....in reality i should of ran....she told me she even told them about the comment and they said the same thing i did.....but i brought that comment up to her when i complained that she always put them ahead of issues we had in regards to moving forward in a mature/adult relationship and she would say "oh i was just kidding"...lol

[Wakeup]

Is there a question, dilemma, you want us to help you with or is there a point you were trying to make just for the heck of it? Did you want advice on how to get away from her and her issues?

[overanxious]

a little more background not that it matters

her mothers 3 siblings all moved away...far away except her one brother who married my best friends mom...our hometowns were 5 hours away(we made countless trips back and forth)....her uncle ruined my best friends family...put them in enormous financial debt even though my best friends mom made real good money....but my exs mother settled the family on the family plot withing walking distance of her own mother

my ex lived with me for awhile...but i could tell she just couldnt do it....she would phone them 5-6 times a day...which i thought was a bit nuts...but if i was working and she had no one to talk to thats what she did...instead of getting a job and filling her time with stuff like that.....

i remember one time we were going to spend a long weekend at her parents...i had worked all week and was tired....she drove....i said "i really want to take a nap im so beat".....so were driving and im trying to nap....she calls her parents like 4 times checking in to see what there doing and whats going on....im like "really? were on our way there...you have all weekend to yap with them"......and of course at times in our relationship she accused me of not having a good relationship with my father because i wasnt like her...i didnt need the constant attention to know i existed....of course i am an only child.....so i knew i was loved...i just didnt need the constant attention.......i always felt like a part of their family....but at times i just wanted to feel as important as them....i wanted to feel like i could have my own thing with her and not need to be tied to them constantly.......

I think her family knows there is something not right with her upstairs....but they just dont like anyone else knowing...or want anyone else to know outside of them....or they think its just her being her....thats just who she is....

[overanxious]

Is there a question, dilemma, you want us to help you with or is there a point you were trying to make just for the heck of it? Did you want advice on how to get away from her and her issues?

oh no...weve been done...just wondering if you think this is a case of NPD or BPD.....although its probably a mixture

[overanxious]

i guess im more or less just venting about things that still haunt me really

[Wakeup]

I'm not encouraging you to stop posting here, overanxious but just recommending you supplement your venting here over at another forum that would be very supportive of what you went through because all of them have had some kind of relationship with the NBP and/or BPD.

Here's a link to one that you might find quite helpful.

http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/

From what I understand from reading forums, the victims/survivors/families of the BPDer would do well to get some therapy of their own to get past the emotional and mental havoc they lay on their (past and present) loved ones.

Good luck.

[overanxious]

I'm not encouraging you to stop posting here, overanxious but just recommending you supplement your venting here over at another forum that would be very supportive of what you went through because all of them have had some kind of relationship with the NBP and/or BPD.

Here's a link to one that you might find quite helpful.

http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/

From what I understand from reading forums, the victims/survivors/families of the BPDer would do well to get some therapy of their own to get past the emotional and mental havoc they lay on their (past and present) loved ones.

Good luck.

thanks...i have visited sites like that