Need help in current relationship please...

[Beth15]

I was hurt in the past, bad, by three men..lying , cheating, all the above.
I am currently living with my boyfriend who is wonderful to me..so laid back; we have a wonderful time together and really love each other...but; I tend to get insecure, sometimes untrustworthy for no reason; and get quiet n upset about something that really isn't worth it. I know I have a problem, I recognize it..I don't want to cause stress, drama, and anxiety...but I am. How to I rid the demons from my past? How do I become stronger and more secure..how do I trust fully. Are there any books? Tips/advice? Please someone help me. I can't live like this anymore and know its times to make a change.

[Wakeup]

What sets off your anxiety?

[Beth15]

What sets off your anxiety?

Stupid things: I get very sensitive around Pms time also..

When he goes away for umpiring and I don't hear from him; my mind starts going..thinking he's with other girls, but he in reality fell asleep n forgot to text me goodnight..I'm thinking the whole time he's laying In bed next to someone, bc my ex did that.

Last night example, were at the bar; he's a social guy and knows a lot of people..as well do I...a girl came up to him and hugged him etc etc , then she walked away and he said he didn't even remember her name.which I didn't care n that doesn't bother me if he talks to other girls...she came back through and said let me introduce you to my boyfriend..so he left me sitting there and walked over with her..I felt like he should've taken me with him n introduced me instead of leaving me there..

Another stupid one, I know bc of my Pms...he changed his cover on his phone from me and him to a whiskey glass and cigar from when we were out one night..bummed me and was so stupid. Immediately when he said he changed two days ago, I thought he did bc he went to Ohio State and was staying out there overnight..just stupid.

I need to gain security; trust from god and within. I'm acting foolish but can not help it and do not want to lose him..
In my head I don't want to be the nieve girl...but, I can't live like that

[Beth15]

Thanks for listening. I'm trying not to toe too much and overwhelm u

[Wakeup]

How long have you been living together and how long ago were you with one of the three that cheated on you? I ask because it sounds like you don't really know your current boyfriend and you've yet to learn whether or not he's actually trustworthy.

[Beth15]

I've known him for 5.1/2years...we used to just be hook ups buddies and I know he was going thru that "guy" phase after his horrible divorce. He's told me over and over how much I mean to him n that he's never felt this way about anyone before. He said he'd never cheat in me n that I melt him. His friends , brother, family all tell me I'm the one n that they've never seen him like this before or talk this way. His brother said he knows he would never cheat on me. Along .your right I do need to trust him n not fault him for the phase he went thru.. He moved me in, made me beneficiary on everything, etc..
Been out of bad relationship for years. But it's stuck with me with every guy ive dated..I'm not really jealous; just insecure right now..we've been living together for about 3-4 months

[Beth15]

And your right...I am just trying to make sure I can trust him and that he's going to do the right thing. But I've asked him and we've talked over n over about it. At this point; I just have to trust or this will never work. He's not given me reason at this point...

[basilandthyme]

Stupid things:

Last night example, were at the bar; he's a social guy and knows a lot of people..as well do I...a girl came up to him and hugged him etc etc , then she walked away and he said he didn't even remember her name.which I didn't care n that doesn't bother me if he talks to other girls...she came back through and said let me introduce you to my boyfriend..so he left me sitting there and walked over with her..I felt like he should've taken me with him n introduced me instead of leaving me there..

I find your expectations of him very odd. Why did you not simply walk over with him? You do not need an invitation to join your guy with a group at the pub.

I'm not telling you this to be rude - but rather to give you a different perspective and so that you don't see his behaviour as wrong.

[Wakeup]

If he's not given you any reason (thus far) then just try to enjoy what you have and all the positive actions he shows you that he values you and your relationship. Happiness is a state of mind and it's quite easy to trust someone who isn't acting sketchy or showing you any red flags that point to him being unfaithful to you.

At this point you can't be punishing him for what all your other picks have done. Particularily when he's not been acting suspect.

Be happy.

... and Basil has a good point. Stop being a little mouse.

[Beth15]

Your exactly right. Your not being rude. I appreciate the honesty and need to hear this. I know I acted stupid. I get sensitive..

[Beth15]

Thanku both. I need to start a habit. God says it takes 30 days to make or break a habit... I need to stop being sensitive, untrustworthy, insecure..

[Wakeup]

You're welcome.

Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy on your own, Beth?

[Beth15]

I do. And I'm joining a group to,golf this summer with some girlfriends. I need to get back to my activities and also working out!! I have lupus so I need to stay active.

[Beth15]

Are you a guy wake up? Any other tips or pointers?

[Wakeup]

No, Not a guy.

Good to hear you are doing things with your friends. It will keep your mind occupied and off of negative thoughts. It's always good to have more interests so you're not relying on the SO for all your happiness.