A broken heart for the third time in the same relationship

[anissa]

Hello everyone, i wish you would sacrifice some of your time to read my story because i am in great need of your help.
my boyfirend of one year and two months decided to have an end for our Relationship last week, his main reason was that things are going down and gradually the love in the relation isn't being enough to continue. for the same reason we broke up the first time and the second time we were almsot apart and came back together in the two times because of me not giving up and asking him for an other try and also because of other circumstances. we come from different cultures and there is a huge difference in our behavious though i made myself sacrifice and comprimise all my principle for the sake of our Relationship since i loved him unconditinally and since i saw in him the man of my dreams. he was my first boyfriend. i should admit that we did not have the perfect Relationship but we also did not have a bad one. we never fought we never had big arguments, we respected each other a lot but all the compromise and the sacrifice was mostly from my part.we used to see each other once a week and rarely twice. he is so cold and do not know how to express his emotions, he needs his freedom and space, he like to spend time with his friends. i respected all this and never complained i did not even wait for him to tell me he needs space i gave him as much space as i could. i loved his friends and loved to spend time with them. i have a good Relationship with his family. but he was all the time acting cold and careless and showing me less attention. i kept thinking about bringing up the subject and asking him to at least try to make some progress but i was so afraid of giving him the impression that i was being demanding and i was also afraid that the discussion would lead to a break up since that was the case a year ago. to find him finally asking me to meet him because he want to talk with me. this time i told him everything did hurt me and he was pretty suprised to hear that since i never expressed myself before. i agreed with the break up eventhough Inside of my heart i am falling apart and so devastated. i left everything behind my back just to follow him so i felt so stupid at that point. he said that he loves me too much to not to see me again and he wants to be friends with me if i want to and that i was special and would never be compared to someone else. the other day he sent me a msg asking me how i was doing and assuming that i wasn't feeling great according to him and also telling me that he feels like he is the biggest asshole in the world for causing me so much pain and that it's hard for him to handle and he feels ****ed up. be he also had great time with me and nice memories and he cited some. he said that he should have told me since the begining that a future for us would be difficult but he knew he would break my heart which hurt me even more by waiting and being careless.i replied to him three days later telling him that i was doing good and that was a decision that we both took for the good of the two of us and that things happened for a reason and that i respect our decision and that i wish him a good future. after three day he replied back telling me that i was right and that it was good to hear that i seemed like to accept it and that maybe i would probably feel ****ed up sometimes but he is doing ok because i gave him the impression that iwas doing good. and he mentioned that he was going to a Library where he used to go before. i don't know why he said that.
do you guys think he took me for granted because i was all the time there for him ana available whenever he needed me and i was giving too much to the Relationship? that's why his feelings started to evaporate?
i still want him back i know this is stupid but i want him still in my life not as a friend but as a boyfriend.
any help?

[Valixy]

He wasn't the right guy for you, anissa. You deserve someone who loves you and likes to show it to you and makes you a priority too. This was a one way relationship and it shouldn't have been like that. Maybe he can't have a relationship right now in his life because this is a time he wants to have his freedom and concentrate on his friends, maybe his attention spam doesn't allow him to continue successfully a relationship, or maybe he didn't care enough to nurture this relationship, but this isn't the first time it happened, you tried before and found he couldn't make you happy. You can't and shouldn't insist anymore. If he doesn't feel the right thing for you, accept it and let go this dream. It's the only way you'll start feeling better about yourself and have the chance to meet someone who is on the same page with you.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Just keep begging. Next time it will work, because things are so different.

[MrProblem]

Seems like a lost cause my friend :/ if I were you I'd begin to move on ASAP!

[basilandthyme]

Anissa, your idea of love and relationships are very unhealthy. First of all, unconditional love belongs to parent-child relationships - not to adult relationships. A healthy adult should have conditions for giving love. Conditions such as being treated respectfully and being loved and cared about.

Second, you should never beg someone to come back after they leave you. Again, it's unhealthy to have a partner who's only there because you've pressured them into it.

Third, don't stay in a relationship where you're doing all the work. Raise your standards woman!!

I suggest you insist on No Contact with him. A friendship will not work while you still want him as a boyfriend. You need to give yourself time to get over him - and this can't happen while you're still talking with him.

[anissa]

Thank you guys for your replies, everything you said was right and it does make sense. however, dealing with a break up is quite hard in the begining; but i have traced my goals, i wanna have a better life with or without him. i no longer want to be the same person that people would take for granted. it is in my nature to give too much and recieve too less but at the end of the day i am the only one who gets hurt and suffers. i no longer wanna suffer . i am a self confident persom but when it comes to people i love i lose my confidence. from now on i am working on the new me and if ever he comes back one day, it's gonna be too late because by then i will have other priorities and he is the loser not me.

[MrProblem]

Good luck anissa. Remember there's a load of help out there to help improve the way you deal with things. Don't give up.