Fiance acting strange lately

[skeeziix]

My fiance recently started acting really stressed out and having huge temper tantrums, it is so annoying and negative. I can't even stand to be around him barely anymore. We have been working on my house to sell it so we can move back to our home town. I am sure some of it is because of the house. Whenever we try to work together on anything he freaks out and can't listen to me ever. I enjoy working on my house and I want to be able to do that with the person I am supposed to marry and live with the rest of my life.

We have had other problems in the past. When we first got together I caught him chatting up other women but he said they were "just friends". I also caught him looking at porn right before I would get home from work. Basically from the beginning we had problems with his sex drive. I used to try to come on to him and he turned me down so many times now I don't even care if we have sex. He only tries to have sex with me when he is drunk on the weekends which doesn't do it for me.

I told him my family was coming to town this weekend. Then he all of a sudden said he was going back to our home town to see his family and didn't even bother to ask me or see if I wanted to go see my family. Usually when we go back we kind of go our separate ways to see everyone. It just seemed super suspicious so I asked if I could see his phone and he refused. So we got into a huge fight. I have NOTHING to hide on my phone and I have told him he can look at it whenever he wants. If I am supposed to marry this person there shouldn't be any secrets. He said he had to read his texts and I am sure delete whatever was on there prior to me going on there, then he gave it to me. Maybe it is me being paranoid, been cheated on before, but I am starting to think I just need to dump him and move on. I am 35 and don't feel like wasting my life being miserable.

[michelle23]

No I dont think you are being paranoid. You are probably right. You should kick him out and forget about him. It sounds to me like he has a porn addiction which has caused issues with sex, has probably already lead to him cheating on you and if he hasn't yet-he will.

Why would you want to marry a man and have a sexless relationship for the rest of your life? A man you dont trust? A man who shouts at you, disrespects you, throws temper tantrums like a five year old and doesn't make an effort with your family? Hes also secretive-wont let you see his phone etc. This is screaming CHEAT to me.

I would be running as fast as I can away from this loser. You can do better.

[skeeziix]

It sucks because on all other levels he acts attentive and proclaims his love for me, asked me to marry him. I think you are right honestly it just sucks because I do love him, we can't help that. I am sure he loves me too. I am sure he has something else going on because no man I have ever dated can go that long without sex. Now I don't even care I don't even want him touching me who wants a slobbery drunk all over you. When they can't even be interested sober. I am not by any means ugly. Maybe I just need to get my shit together and follow my own heart. Women's Intuition is hardly wrong.

I wonder how many men cheat and watch porn while their loved ones are away?

[overanxious]

It sucks because on all other levels he acts attentive and proclaims his love for me, asked me to marry him. I think you are right honestly it just sucks because I do love him, we can't help that. I am sure he loves me too. I am sure he has something else going on because no man I have ever dated can go that long without sex. Now I don't even care I don't even want him touching me who wants a slobbery drunk all over you. When they can't even be interested sober. I am not by any means ugly. Maybe I just need to get my shit together and follow my own heart. Women's Intuition is hardly wrong.

I wonder how many men cheat and watch porn while their loved ones are away?

porn is pretty common for us guys....i never cheated on anyone....but my ex found porn early on in our relationship on my computer....and naturally wasnt happy about it....i told her id stop and i did....but was always questioned about it....it sucks because i trusted her and she was the one always going through my phone...always....even the last week we were together(and during that time she was actually talking to someone else).....we were kind of sexless the last couple months( i think it was like once int he last two months) because everything else was taking a toll on us.....almost like we could both feel it slipping away....she even once intitiated sex and cut it off right before the actual act....i should have known something was up....but i was too blind into believing i could still make it work...during the last month she had days of being really loving and normal and days where she seemed distant and in another place even when we were together which was alot

[VincenzoG91]

How long have you been engaged? Is there a wedding date set?

[michelle23]

I wonder how many men cheat and watch porn while their loved ones are away?

Porn is not really an issue if it doesnt interfere with your sex life but it IS interfering with yours and he probably needs help with that. My bf dont watch porn-he has no interest in it-guess Im just lucky but if he did watch it-I wouldnt care tbh as long as he wasnt hooked on it..

Cheating on the other hand is NOT acceptable no matter what and if you suspect him of cheating-my advice is to dump him. Love is nothing without trust.

[overanxious]

my ex was doing the same type of thing...throwing tantrums over little things....getting pissy with me....we were actually supposed to go back to my hometown a few days before we broke up...i had planned some fun things for us to do...the day before she goes "i have some good news and some bad news which do u want first"....after calling me over to the couch to sit next to her "im not going back to RI with you...my dad says he has some work for me"...that was good/bad news....she had already broken up with me in her head and didnt want this other guy to know she was coming back with me(although i know they didnt have any face to face meetings while we were still techinically together).......she didnt want to sleep in the same bed with me.....when i came back she bitched me out about me promising not to go out with my friends when i went home ...which i did but wasnt planned...they heard i was coming back and wanted me to go out with them.....she still called me the next day and was nagging and talking to me all day....as soon as i returned she started harping on it and i was bugged out ......which was her easy way out to exit "thats enough i deserve better blah blah".......it was a ****ing horrible experience....because i didnt see it until i actually returned home.....i was blind and stupid......i shold have known at that moment she told me she wasnt coming back with me that something was going on....but of course with her....shes making me ice cream sundaes and walking me to my car and giving me her same old kiss and wrapping her arms around me......its a horrible experience to go through when you really loved someone and made sacrifices for them....that they couldnt even give you a shred of honesty and just walk away like a normal human being and move on from there.....when i got back home "i want you in my life i want to be friends"....well you kinda made that tough....lied and denied everything over and over....and then im the bad guy when i flip out on her for it

[skeeziix]

Overanxious exact same situation for us. When women feel your not into them and trust is lost they will also let go. That is where I am at right now.

Been engaged 2 months haha! Been together 1.5 years. We are planning next year, neither one of us are going to rush into anything. I guess that gives us time to figure it out.

I know he is feeling stressed bc of the house, the move, him finishing school, getting a different job. That is a lot to take on. I do not want to be in a sexless volatile relationship. I want to be able to work on my house with him and be passionate when we are not. Not turned down. Porn, self-gratification and/or cheating is the only thing, other than hormones that I can think of. We have talked about it and he gets mad thinks I am being jealous and insecure, I have never had a man turn me down that I can remember. Usually, it is the opposite. I want to be IN love not just placated.

[skeeziix]

Love is nothing without trust you are soooo right and that is what I say. I have nothing to hide he can go on my phone my laptop and I should be granted the same. If you have nothing to hide then who gives a rat's a$$. Problem for me is he has done stupid shit. Last week he was trying to facetime another girl who is "just a friend, she has a boyfriend"... why would you try to facetime with her then? What if I did that with one of my guy buddies?

[overanxious]

Overanxious exact same situation for us. When women feel your not into them and trust is lost they will also let go. That is where I am at right now.

Been engaged 2 months haha! Been together 1.5 years. We are planning next year, neither one of us are going to rush into anything. I guess that gives us time to figure it out.

I know he is feeling stressed bc of the house, the move, him finishing school, getting a different job. That is a lot to take on. I do not want to be in a sexless volatile relationship. I want to be able to work on my house with him and be passionate when we are not. Not turned down. Porn, self-gratification and/or cheating is the only thing, other than hormones that I can think of. We have talked about it and he gets mad thinks I am being jealous and insecure, I have never had a man turn me down that I can remember. Usually, it is the opposite. I want to be IN love not just placated.

she knew i was trustworthy....of course she prob felt i didnt love her because things were going bad...but i think she did know too.... she would say later "i was never worried you would cheat on me i was afraid youd want to go back to your old life"(this was awhile back when things were still really good)....when i went out with friends....."everytime you threatned to break up with me i was always so worried youd actually leave"......i quit drinking for her because she didnt want to worry about what i was doing or whatever....and one night were riding in the car on the way back from somewhere "do you miss your old life...dont you just want to go out and get wasted sometimes".....i said no this is where i want to be......if she felt i wasnt into her anymore it might have helped if she had eased the concerns that had plagued me about her.....she made it difficult......

we had an incident about a month before that was kind of ugly....nothing physical or terrible words....but i locked her out of place and her father had to come pick her up because we got into an argument and i didnt want to deal with it.....and after that she came over and we had a talk ...her parents were pissed and pissed she came over to talk...i said "what do u want to do then"......she said she still wanted to try........and it was like she was half into it and half not.....and i tried to change things and make them better.....and i dont know if she just didnt know what to do because i was still showing love(and she did too at times).....i dunno if it was just narcissistic behavior or she was just not sure how to go about this....at that point we were together about 2.5 years....two months earlier she was talking about her plans for a rehearsal dinner even though we werent engaged

[skeeziix]

Huh, so she met someone else and moved on. Sounds like you did a heck of a lot for her to prove your love. Why would she ask you to do all this stuff?

[Boisdevie]

I am 35 and don't feel like wasting my life being miserable.

Then don't.

[overanxious]

Huh, so she met someone else and moved on. Sounds like you did a heck of a lot for her to prove your love. Why would she ask you to do all this stuff?

i did...but with this girl you have to keep constantly going....keep jumping through hoops to prove it........i remember one time she asked me to buy a house next to her parents in florida....i said "i have 20 relatives within 20 minutes of their place and they already have a place we can stay at ...why would i want to spend money on a place next door to their vacation home"......

she just started talking to someone else....didnt actually see him until after i left...although she knew him previously....but i can just tell she was making me out to be some loser/monster...and this guy was like "im going to rescure her and save her".....

i was so generous with her when things were really good...some of my gifts were so great and most of my friends were like "dont let my gf know you did that".....cause i wanted her to feel special and show her what she meants.....but her last birthday i did nothing extravagant because i was so frustrated that she couldnt move towards a mature adult relationship......she was living in her childhood bedroom at 26.....

even the last 3 weeks she was doing some of the same normal stuff we did....wed go to the lake and listen to music and shed take pics of us together.....and just alot of the normal cute things she always did....and i cant tell if she was putting on an act....or was maybe trying to hold on

two months before we broke up we were fighting and she said "i wish things were like they were when i lived at my aunts house"...where she lived when we first got together....i said "ya that was great....best time of my life thats where we fell in love.....but ya know that was awhile ago....when are you going to grow up and learn to have an adult relationship...that was the honeymoom period....we can still have times like that....but you have to grow and change"......she just likes the honeymoon period where theres no responsibility and shes being wined and dined.....but when it comes time to be responsible it was like there was no concept.....