Help please

[Tiredandbroken]

First a little history. I've been on and off for 3 yrs with this woman. When it was good it was great but when it was bad it was hell. I always felt like everything and everyone else in her life mattered more than I did. I told her once that I didn't like how much time she spent talking to her ex husband when she was saying that she didn't have time to talk to me. So, she dumped me and started dating him again. I tried dating but couldn't get over it. After a couple months she wanted me back and I told her that it would have to be different. It was for a while but we just seemed to fight about everything. I always said or did the wrong things.
Fast foward 2 years and I barely survive a massive heart attack. I told her that I couldn't handle the stress of fighting with her anymore. Well that made her mad so she left the hospital and sent me mean texts for 2 days. I try to talk to her hoping she will see that she's hurting me but no change. In my opinion she should've been trying to take care of me and keep the stress down. Instead I find out she's started dating other men.
I feel crushed and betrayed. Her excuse is I shouldn't have dated while she was messing with her ex. It's all my fault for not "bending". Well I have bent until I'm broken. All for a woman that I loved with every thought.
Sorry for the long post I just need to get this off my chest. Any advice? Suggestions? Why can't I get over her? Especially after this...

[Verse120]

This is what I call a unhealthy relationship. You got a heart attack.. You need to end this completely with her. Shes causing you stress and if she really really loved you she wouldn't be causing you that kind of stress. Its time to move on. Find a new person. Personally I would delete her from everything. To truly move on you can't talk with her for a few months. Talking will just bring you back and that's not what you want.

[michelle23]

i agree with verse. you gotta put yourself first. i no its hard when you love someone but pain is only temporary. you need to be strong and go no contact with her. it will be difficult for awhile while you withdraw from your addiction to her but you will heal, you wil get over her and in time you will find love again.
its like ripping off a band aid. hurts like hell at first but like i said pain is only temporary.

look after your health and good luck

[pcmaster]

Man shes just a bitch. Unhealty relatioship made you unhealty too. Now with sick heart your capability of love is not the same anymore. You will need a girl with a slighty less bitchy character. You miss her so much because you lost who you are - you miss yourself and what you had - your health.
Expieriencing emotins is what makes you atracted to person. With her you expierienced more than you can take. Shes overdose to you. Stay away from that drug. Find a girlfiend who will be more like tea so she can heal you.

[Valixy]

Can anyone be more selfish and show less love? People make mistakes, you know, but leaving your three year partner on a hospital bed after a heart attack and send him mean messages for two days, accusing him for the state of the relationship when she's caused so much damage and then start right away dating another man is very extreme. It's worrying actually. Are you sure she's human? I think she is a very cruel person that has not developed the minimum respect and empathy for her fellow human beings. A bit further on her path it's where psychopaths are found.

You know that there are many people that can't stop smoking, drinking or taking drugs until they hit rock bottom and lose everything they value or require a serious medical intervention. Can you relate to this? I'm sure you could, but first you have to stop seeing her as the love your life because not even in the most twisted and false concepts of love that one could have, should your loved one mistreat you so much and bring you close to losing your life - I hope you agree on this. She was nothing else but your addiction and she has almost destroyed you, but fortunately you have survived and you have the chance of a new fresh start.

Her starting to date another man is the best thing that coud have happened to you. God works in mysterious ways... So do yourself a favour, align with the plan designed for you and erase her from your memory because she almost killed you and she couldn't care less. Make sure you recover well and avoid people and relationships that hurt you, your system can't take it anymore.

If you find yourself still thinking of her when you have recovered physically that means that your recovery is not complete yet, and you still need to take care of your emotional and mental system and look for treatment to help you recover from your addiction to her. There is therapy for addiction to a toxic partner and there are more people healing this way than we could think. You need to learn to love yourself and protect your physical, emotional and mental health and if you find that you can't do and achieve this alone, with a little bit of help, you will be successful on this task.

Be grateful for this new opportunity and don't waste it again on human garbage. You should know now better than ever what's good and what's wrong for you, respect it, because you're worth it.

[vmartin143]

I recently got my heart broken, I heard about this new show (exandwhycasting.com)
I am thinking about applying, what do you think?

[Tiredandbroken]

This is actually just another episode in what seems like a life destined to be lonely. I'm 40 and I've had 3 serious relationships in my adult life.
I was in my early 20s and off working and trying to save up for a ring. I came home to find that she was cheating with a man that was twice our age. Like a fool I took her back after some time. Again I found myself working out of town but this time she dumped me before I came home. She was dating another older man and actually married this one. That's one.
I met another woman after a couple of years and married her. We got along for a while but her temper soon alienated me. My friends stopped visiting. I wasn't allowed to visit them. I wasn't allowed to leave the house, even if she wasn't home. Her first husband had cheated on her so I tried to be understanding. Oh but wait, I find out after 10 years that's she's sleeping with a family member that I considered to be my best friend.
Now I'm right back in the same emotional boat. The same old feelings are back. Heart break and betrayal. I used to be a really good guy. I put other people above myself. Now at the worst possible time life has dealt me the same old losing hand. I'm so tired of hurting. If I didn't have a child I would just leave this rotten town and move across the country. I don't understand what I keep doing wrong. Is it me? Am I making these people hurt me? Do I have "sucker" written all over me? I am just tired and broken. :'{

[michelle23]

Dont blame yourself for any of this. You can either wallow in self pity and waste the next ten years or you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again. Pain, heartache and rejection is a part of life but healing and strength is too.

I think you should get some counselling, forget this awful woman, take some time to heal and start dating again. What have you got to lose? Stay and be miserable? or take a chance and see where you end up?

sometimes the best things are just around the corner and when one door closes, another opens.

Try to stay positive and look after yourself

[smackie9]

You kept ignoring the "red flags" and gave them several chances to try and improve.

Next time, have a checklist, and while dating someone for the first few weeks make sure all those boxes are ticked off. If even one isn't, end it and move onto the next. If you do meet someone that is right for you, if there are issues, just bail.....get the f uck out.

You don't have "sucker" on your head, it's just that you are too passive. People in general take advantage and push others around that are passive (doormat syndrome).

[Tiredandbroken]

I do feel like a doormat. How many times can a heart break and still heal? This time I don't know.

[pcmaster]

This is real tradegy man but if you deal with this one then life will be worth it and you will be stronger than ever not allowing to stomp on you. Basicaly you never wanted to be single and thats why you was trying too hard and letting thread yourself bad. Its like you gave your best to these girls but they gave you worst so you think that your best is equal to shit. When in fact it is. Because you gave it too easy, they didnt had to fight to get what you so desperatly wanted to give them to keep them in your life.

In your first relationship she was just a vagina on hormones but maybe you worked too hard using work as indirect way to keep her. When infact more straightforward aproach would work better - same aproach as 40 year old guy did(he didnt even had to work lol). Its ok I did much more stupid thinks at that age. Nothing personal.

Your second GF didnt wanted to lose you so she wanted to ugly you up - making you undesirable to other woman and you become home sitting socialy boring bitch. She was your dog.

Third girl had it easy because she had to deal only with leftowers of your selfesteem she dominated and never felt sorry for it because never got punished infact she punished you evenmore for letting her do it. Until finaly there was nothing to pick on anymore. She would have peck you till death if you let it. Just like a spoonkiller kills his victims with spoon by hitting them.

youtube.com/watch?v=9VDvgL58h_Y

This reminds me your life. But its not too late to stand up for yourself.

[Tiredandbroken]

The last time I tried to move on the girl I went out with went through my wallet and my notebook of passwords when I wasn't looking. I don't think I can ever trust again. It's just gonna damage me though AND nobody wants a mate with trust issues. But I just can't help it.

[michelle23]

only you can change that. if you dont want to be a doormat anymore than dont be. There are billions of people in this world-dont settle for someone who treats you badly. you should set your standards higher and realize that you are worth more. If this is a pattern in your relationships than you need to change your type and stop staying out of fear of change or fear of being alone, thinking noone else will want you or that you somehow deserve to be treated like crap.

You have to change your attitude and show these women what your made of. That your an independent, confident man who doesnt take any crap and expect to be treated just as good as you treat her because you are worth it. People will treat you the way you allow them to and you need to say "hurt me once and you wont get a chance to again".

And i noticed you mentioned your child. You can still be a good dad-it doesnt mean you have to stay in a relationship that makes you miserable.

Do you have any hobbies? Things you like that will help you heal and distract you from all this crap. Join a sport or start walking everyday/jogging, learn how to play an instrument or go painting. You need to get out and make new friends, socialize and meet new people. If you go out tonight you could even meet your perfect match. You need to take action. Force yourself to do it and youll soon start to feel better

[pcmaster]

Well you just have to learn to be selfsuficient without GF. Build your support system - friends, relatives, family, like minded people at work and peple you meet tru your hobbies and etc. Basicaly you are good but you been giving your love to wrong people who didnt apreciate it. This time turn the love you have for yourself and heal. When you learn to be happy on your own you will be ready to date again.

P.S. And drink fish oil everday its very good for the heart.

[michelle23]

The last time I tried to move on the girl I went out with went through my wallet and my notebook of passwords when I wasn't looking. I don't think I can ever trust again. It's just gonna damage me though AND nobody wants a mate with trust issues. But I just can't help it.

okay so you have had bad experiences with 4 bad women. Do you think that makes us all bad??? The next one could be the one that changes it all.