So terribly confused, Advice please.

[LadySela]

Hi, I am new here and posting because I have no idea what to do. So a little background:

I have a friend, Nate, whom I have know for over ten years. He is one of my closest friends. We met in high school and a couple years after that we went our own paths, marriage, divorce, life, but kept in contact the whole time, even in the 8 years he has been out of state. He now is searching out a place to come back to texas after he is done with school.

Now he tells me he has feelings for me. I was left in confusion that I have been trying to figure out my feelings. I am not opposed to the idea. I just can't tell if what I feel for him is deep feelings of friendship or romantic feelings.

Never been in this position, The fact that this man knows everything about me and is still interested is.......overwhelming, surprising, comforting, moving......and a great many other things.

Any advice on sorting out these feelings? Any thoughts are welcome.

[surfhb2]

Sounds like a good base for a relationship. Do you like the guy? If so, I dont see what the problem is? Key word....Communication !!

[srami83]

I think you will only be able to tell by going out on a few official dates to see if the chemistry is there. If there's no spark then its probably just you feeling a deep connection through friendship

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Have you ever even thought about what it would be like to be with him?

I don't know him, but using nothing but pure speculation, I guess he'd probably be the clingy/controlling type. If he had feelings for 10 years and said nothing, it's probably out of insecurity.

[LadySela]

Honestly the thought never crossed my mind. He hasn't felt this way for 10 years either, Like I said, we went from high school into life. We both were there for each other when we thought we fell in love and when those relationships broke. It's been years since then. We have talked every day for the last year, I don't know when he started to feel more then friendship, but in any case, clingy and controlling would not evr describe him.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Okay, well then give it a shot.

If you're attractive, he's had feelings since high school most likely..

[HeheMan]

How can you not know if you're attracted to a guy?

[LadySela]

How can you not know if you're attracted to a guy?

I have learned the hard way that attraction is not a good basis for starting a relationship and best ignored. I will say he is cute but I am trying to focus on the emotional side of things.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

It is weird that you have NEVER thought about dating him at all. Attraction isn't a basis for a relationship, but it's certainly necessary to maintain a healthy one. I would suggest against dating him based on just the fact that he's a good friend. If there's no attraction at all, then it is going to be ugly when you finally decide that attraction is important.

[michelle23]

Ya i agree. I dated a friend once- i didnt find him attractive and we never got past kissing. It was a waste of time lol

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Yeah, for you it was just a waste of time. For him it probably hurt quite a bit.

[michelle23]

No he ctually hurt me in the end. Long story but he cheated. And i did try to initiate sexual contact a few times-he was too nervous and shy to make a move. I didnt even understand at the time that i wasnt really attracted to him- i just knew something felt wrong

[LadySela]

To be fair, I was in a relationship a good portion of our friendship. And I tend to ignore all other guys when in a relationship, Again I want to thank you guys for your thoughts, They are much appreciated.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You have an answer for everything. It sounds like your mind is made up, so good luck.

[michelle23]

OP go on a date with him and see how you feel then your both adults, both single. What have you got to lose?