Shes talking about about marriage seriously..,

[confused2207]

I'm 24 she's 23. She's finishing school. Im in my masters program and looking for a steady career job. Been together about a year and 3 months now. We pretty much live together. (she has her place and I have mine, but we usually stay together.)

Last couple days she has mentioned how people are asking her if we're "serious". I brush it off. She knows I aint the kinda guy that gets in relationships if I wasn't. Then she emailed me a picture that says something like "it's pretty " Then last night she says well ppl ask me if we're serious and I just shrug. I told her she's a dork. She says you always say that when I bring it up. So I say " you know we're serious. What do you want me to say? That I want to marry you eventually? I do." Well then she says "ok" and insist thats all she wanted.

Later last night I reiterated that were serious and I do want to marry her someday. She then says when is someday? This is when I was kinda caught off guard. That feeling you get when you dont know the answer to a test. So I came up with "I dont know. Probably when things are more settled. When we know where we're gonna be and when I can give you what you deserve. Asked if that was okay and she said yes. But it was late and she was falling asleep. So no clue if that has merit.

Point being. What does this all mean. She's bringing it up a lot all of a sudden and idk where it's coming from. I definitely think we're headed that way, but feel like there are things we should do first. Particularly establish how we will support ourselves/family (I.e: jobs/careers). It's all just a little overwhelming and I want her to know I want that but at the right time. Why's she bringing it up all of a sudden?

[michelle23]

shes just making sure you see a long term future with her id say. dont worry about it. It sounds like your on the same page. she probably just doesnt want to be strung along if your not sure about her

[smackie9]

She is just one of those that needs constant reassurance about things ( only you would know this for sure, I'm just guessing) and I see her embellishing on all those questions from friends to use as leverage to get an answer out of you. Or her lack of confidence is being fueled by the people around her that keep asking her when you are finally going to put a ring on her finger. My gut feeling she was maybe asked once, and decided to manipulate an answer out of you.

So you can do one of two things, tell her that you find it disheartening that she needs to question you about how "serious" you are because she is being so pursued by those who seem to think that you need to be stepping up with a marriage proposal, in reality should be minding their own business. Then you can proceed to tell her that yes you have plans to get married "someday" but someday will depend on when you two finally get settle in a place of your own, into a good job and hope to be financially secure. Giving an actual date isn't feasible because things can change and you don't want to cast doubt and disappointment if things need to be delayed. You are not making excuses, you are the type of guy that wants everything in place before you make that big step.

Or give her a nice necklace and a promise.

[smackie9]

I definitely think we're headed that way, but feel like there are things we should do first. Particularly establish how we will support ourselves/family (I.e: jobs/careers). It's all just a little overwhelming and I want her to know I want that but at the right time.

The right time is now. Communication is key for a successful relationship. Why do you feel you need a "right time"? Are you having feelings of doubt?

[michelle23]

i have always said i dont care about mrriage in the past (which i dont really) but i realized recently that i do one day want to marry my bf and i asked him a few similar qs. were together almost 5years nd living together.

when i brought it up he said "you dont want to get married" and i said ive changed my mind-one day i do. he said ya one day i wana marry you too but not till were financially secure and ready to buy our own place which is good enough for me

[smackie9]

I lived without marriage for over 23 years....being together is being married anyways. IMO Weddings are a waste of money and the money is better spent elsewhere.

On another note, saying you don't want to get married seems to get you marriage proposals.

[michelle23]

i no its not important to me but if i had kids id wana no there protected if something happened to one of us. you dont have many legalrights in ireland if your not married

but i dont think marriage chsnges anything in terms of your relationship. it doesnt make you more or less comitted or mean you love each other any more/less..

he knows how i feel about it snyway-weve discussed the fture plenty of times. i just wanted to let him no im not against it

[smackie9]

Here in Canada you do. If you cohabitate as a couple for 6 months you are considered as common law.....in the eyes of our government the same law apply as if you were married. When it comes to kids, you don't have to be common law or married to have legal rights to child support and visitation.

[Boisdevie]

i no its not important to me but if i had kids id wana no there protected if something happened to one of us. you dont have many legalrights in ireland if your not married

but i dont think marriage chsnges anything in terms of your relationship. it doesnt make you more or less comitted or mean you love each other any more/less..

he knows how i feel about it snyway-weve discussed the fture plenty of times. i just wanted to let him no im not against it

Having trouble with the old keyboard there Michelle or been drinking the furniture polish again?

[michelle23]

what do you mean by that?

in ireland men have little rights to children if your not married. it has changed a bit but the law still states that these kids are "illigitimate"

recently a new law was brought in-if your living tgether a year you have rights and stuff can be equally divided etc.

but if your not marrie-a partner could be left with nothing as everything goes to their next of kin and you dont get widowers pension etc etc.

its complicated. the only reason i no this stuff is coz my aunt died and her partner was left with a toddler and no real security. if they were married-there would have been a lot of support there for him and the child

[smackie9]

That is what life insurance and wills are for.....stop depending on government or union hand outs.

[michelle23]

i dont depend on those things. but that is the way things are done here. its the norm.