Dating is becoming very draining for me. Please help me understand this guy..

[julie111]

I'm in my 30's. I recently met a man from one the dating site. This guy is 37. He seems very down to earth and a really nice guy. Initially we exchanged emails which was really nice. He would email me in a day sometime right away. He mentioned that he works a lot which I think is true. Then we started texting - it was great. He was texting me back right away most of the time. We had engaging conversation. Then we met and we had a great time for 2 hrs. I have a very strong personality and I can come on very strong. But there is a very soft side and girly side to me. We both had fun but we didnt kiss or hug. We had decided this not to be a date. As we met online, we just wanted to see if we are real etc. Next day, when I texted, he was a bit late. I was wondering what happened and whether he liked me or not. So I asked him - how does he feel? He said he didnt feel any strong spark that could lead us something serious. I responded saying well, I liked you. But I want someone who would be attracted to me and like me. Otherwise we need not waste each other time. He said there was no initial spark but he is attacted to me. And when I said that i wanted to give it a try if he liked me. And told him what I liked in him. He said he will think about it. I was fine with that. Then we texted for another two days. But you know after he said he didnt feel that spark, I was turned off a bit. I didnt feel a whole lot but I was not thinking too much about it and just casually meeting him. But there was some and i am happy with that to start knowing someone. But I am noticing that he is not engaging with me in any conversation as he used to before we met. But he is not cutting me off either. I asked to meet and he said he will but not today. He is a matured and nice guy. I am getting in to thinking when he is not responding or engaging a nice conversation with me. After a lot of search, I found this match for me to just drop it without a good try. But at the same time, I dont want to force on each other. I want to fall in love and be a nice happy relationship. What should I do? He is not completely ignoring me. He is working a lot for sure. But I need a lil more time as he had before we met. Or is he just having hard time to say no to me. What is this pattern of behavior? guys? I know for only 3 weeks though and met once. thanks..

[Wakeup]

Stop contacting him. He knows where you are and how to reach you and if he's actually interested in seeing you more and getting to know you, then he'll call and ask you out again. If he doesn't call and ask you out again then he's not feeling it and he's distancing himself.

It's disappointing but that's all it is at this point so just get back on the site and put up a few new photos of your fine self. There's lots of guys on dating sites in your area and within your age range. Next!

[pcmaster]

Well he might be interested in you just dont wana seem too easy to get. Or her just feels a little for you. If you are not having sex then it shouldnt be draining for you unless you think too much about him.

[julie111]

Yeah I understand. I feel the same that he is distancing. I guess I have to accept it.

DO you guys think I should ask him straight? Which I already did once and he said he will think about. He didnt really let me go.

[julie111]

Anyways thanks Guys. I just deleted his texts from my phone. He himself said in his profile that if a girl just says hi to a guy and is not interested, then the guy is just a tool. I guess I am just becoming a tool for him. I feel bad that after so much filtering I found a nice guy and he didnt give it a chance. I try not to judge anyone from the first meeting as its hard. Unless there is no physical attraction. But he said he is attracted to me yes. Unless he is lying. I am disappointed tonight. I am deleting his number so that I dont disturb him going forward. I trusted this guy and told a lot about my life. That kinda sucks. Never give information. Not that he will do any harm but just not needed. I liked this guy.

Good night.

[freepsky]

I was in a similar situation two years ago and did the same. It helped

[julie111]

You know he texted me back. I was happy about that and I told him clearly that I feel like I am more disturbing you that having fun conversation with you. He said he very busy guy and his work us intense. He will text more when he has days off. I said okay. Next day he did talk to me about his work and how he wants to quit his work for a better personal life. Next day - i said i will miss u but i am bust at work too. Later night, he said that's a good thing. Not sure he want more work or missing is good! Next day - I said we'll let's meet this weekend. And he is busy I can come with some plans ... Whole day no response. Later at night - he said he was busy with his sports and work. He he can meet me on the weekend. I am fine with that. He said h will think about what to do. This is the only time I can text him a bit as he sleeps early. After 3 or 4 texts he said its late for him.. He can text tomorrow. Night. That's it! I am feeling insulted actually. I can understand he s busy, exhausted with his business, but whole day absolutely no time to text once? But he will meet me this Sat? I am very confused about this guy. I like him but I am not a person to unnecessarily peruse something where he is not interested? Sometimes I feel that. I was about to cut him off today - I was typing my texts accordingly- the very moment he sad we can manage something on sat. So I didn't say anything rude. But I am not sure if I am expecting too much or what h wants? I have clearly conveyed the message that I am not n to games, I like him and can try to know him more if and only if he is interested. He is not cutting me off either. Yesterday he talked nicely, today was off. What is it guys? Note he is a matured nice guy. I am just not sure about he behavior. What should I do?

[Boisdevie]

Perhaps he's stringing you along until something better comes along?

[michelle23]

Hes not interested. When most people say that "no spark, no chemisty etc" it means your not his type. It was his way of letting you down gently and your probably annoying him for not getting the hint.

Stop contacting him and say NEXT!

With online dating dont waste your time just chatting to ONE person. Talk to lots of people and go on a few different dates before you become obsessed with one of them. Otherwise you are just going to waste a load of time.

[cookies&cream]

i think you asked the question 'how do you feel' tooo early.

[Juanny30]

Hi,
i read this and I see myself in so many ways. It took me a long time to realize that finding the right person takes time. Looking online is hard but at the same time, it gives you a lot of possibilities. You need to meet several people until *YOU* feel the spark. If you do not feel it - NEXT. If you feel it but he doesn't - NEXT. As simple as that. With this man, you were honest and ask an honest question and I am glad he is mature enough to tell you he didn't feel the spark. Love is this way, you either feel it or you don't. If he said that, that is a sign for you to realize he is not dating material for YOU. I seriously recommend to move on and keep searching for other great matches that will feel the spark about you. The spark is only the beginning but it is essential to start any love relationship. I used to build a lot of expectations when communicating with matches, at the end of the day, you are just exchanging information about each other. The truth comes when you meet in terms of the initial physical attraction & spark, if that is not mutual then time to try with another new match. Don't force yourself and him to something is not, especially at the beginning. Think about OPTIONS out there. It took me time to understand the man I want in my life and how I want to be treated. I want a man that feels the spark and wants to get to know more.

"If a man is interested he would do ANYTHING to be with you,
If a man is not interested he would NOTHING to be with you"

Big hug to you and my best advice, don't waste your time trying to drag him when he is not feeling it. Use your time to meet more matches, .

[Juanny30]

Another great lesson - Now you know to take it easy and slow on a first date. Do not put all your energy on one date, relax, be you and see what happens.
This happens to all of us! -

[cookies&cream]

I think that taking tooo many dates is sometimes not the answer. It's not for everyone. Many say, go out on dates as much as you can! I think that going on too many dates is not healthy especially if you date the wrong people. It's important to screen your dates also.