Getting Over First Love (Ex)

[superpaul]

Here I am, back again on the forum(for those who remember my last thread). Well, let me give you some background first. I'm a 15 year old guy who had never had a girlfriend before this girl and never been truly in love before her. I'm not the kind of guy who tries to flirt with girls or anything, maybe I'm weird or something but I want to focus more on other things, I feel like I'd be wasting time trying to just flirt with girls I find cute or something.
On second thought, I'll give you my whole story with this girl. Soooo, here it goes. I'm in a band and I saw this girl giving my band a like on Facebook, who seemed interesting(not talking about looks. Ok, she looked good, but I wasn't focusing on that) and had similar views with like music and just seemed like a person I'd get along well. So, I sent her a friend request. She was also 1 year younger than me, so she was in middle school, while I was in high school. She actually was going to the same middle school I did, so I asked her what was up around the school, then we talked about music and just had a pretty short talk. While I could feel some love, I wasn't feeling something extraordinary or anything, but I was just starting to think about her more and more. You know, love is kind of hard to explain. I was just feeling some kind of closeness to this girl, even tho we just had that talk. Just by looking at her pictures I could feel something. So, 1 month after that short talk (we hadn't chatted since then) I just talked to her again and eventually asked her out. My mind was telling me that I just want to make a new buddy and a pal to go for some beers from time to time, but my heart was telling me I really wanted to be with this girl. So she accepted, and we went for the... date. When I saw her, my first thought was that she just looks a lot better in those pics than in reality, funny thing, and she didn't seem to be that special to me, I actually thought that the day would end and I just wouldn't want to contact her ever after that (and that neither would she). One thing to note is that on the day I met her I was feeling so so anxious about it, I even vomited from the anxiety, was feeling crazy butterflies and everything, and I don't panic in usual situations. This was also my first date I had ever had with a girl, and I had never seen this girl before despite going to the same middle school before I went to high school. The thing is, while again my mind was just telling me to let go because she didn't seem that special, I feel like my heart made some kind of mission for me to get with this girl, to get together with her.

2 weeks later, I take her on a date again. Wooo, wasn't that a fun day. One of the best days I had. I felt kind of anxious before it again, but not as anxious as on the first date. We had a lot of fun, talking and everything and I felt a connection I had never felt before with a girl. I knew I wanted 100% to have her as my girlfriend. When I took her home, I was expecting for a kiss or something to happen, because it had been such a perfect day. I was quite disappointed when nothing happened, so after some time of thinking, after about 10 mins after taking her home, I just sent her a text message asking her if she wants us to be together. When she said yes, that was one of the most intense feelings of happiness and relief I've ever felt. My wish just came true.

I was idealizing her. As I told you, I'm not the kind of guy who flirts with girls and everything. Surprisingly, I wrote her songs, poetry, there wasn't a week I wouldn't go out with her and I was always waiting for her to come online(when we couldn't see each other, like during the week) so we could talk. I was just telling myself and implementing the idea that she was the perfect girl for me. That we would be together forever and I was always telling myself and her how special she was. I was always afraid of losing her, I was paying attention to every detail to make sure everything goes fine. I was overlooking anything which I would normally wouldn't like about someone if she would do it, I was also thinking about her always, all the time, she was just always on my mind. Even when we were together I was still feeling butterflies before meeting up with her.

Looking back now, I can provide a correct depiction of the situation without being "love-blind". So here are the... things I kind of blocked myself from observing. While I was doing my best to show it, she was never showing me much affection. I was always the one initiating kisses, I was always the one saying how much I love her from my heart (she never said it first, and only responded back one time by saying she felt the same, and another time with "i love you too", but that's all). She held hands with me a few times (she always initiated this tho), but that's all. Another thing was that I casually asked her how many guys she had been with before, and she answered "really a lot of guys", and that kind of worried me. I also asked her how long she had been with one guy, and she said 2 or 3 months. That worried me even more. She was talking bad about her best friends (like about their legs, and things that shouldn't matter). I overlooked everything. There were other things I could just criticize her about and that I overlooked when I was "love-blind", but no use in enumerating them all. It's just that deep inside my mind I knew she wasn't as special as I was telling myself she is, my heart was just enforcing its own thing.

Let's talk about the breakup now. So after about 3 months of being together, I just return home, turn on the PC just to see a message on Facebook from her saying how it would be better for us to break up and how she realized she loved me more as a brother and other stupid things. We had never ever had a fight or disagreement or anything. I just felt devastated. I had one of the worst nights. The morning after that was even worse, I almost vomited from all the sadness. I talked to her to meet up the next weekend to give each other a final goodbye, and so we did. I felt a pretty big relief then, but was still feeling strange.

This breakup happened almost 2 months ago. Now, the real problem. The thing is now I'm fully not having a good opinion on her. She changed over the time. I feel that I changed her, because I was very popular in the middle school and somehow I really boosted her self-esteem and made her more socially active and everything, but I don't want to get into that. I also know she hasn't got a boyfriend, so it's not about jealousy. The problem is that whenever I think about her (actually not whenever, but sometimes it just happens) I start feeling that anxiety, those butterflies I felt back when we were together before going out with her. Maybe even a little more intensely. Even when going out with my friends, let's say I see a random girl and I start thinking about her and feel the butterflies and just focus on her again. This is not love. If she would tell me right now she wants us to be back together, I would definitely not accept it. Since the breakup, we only talked and met once because I went on a visit to the middle school, but that's all, no feelings, not even hidden by my heart or anything, as powerful as it may be haha. It's also pretty hard that I sometimes see her name on Facebook on photos she liked, because I'm doing my best to try to not see her or anything that reminds me of her, in order for these butterflies to stop. I start imagining things like how I would react if I'd meet her while out with my friends when I start thinking about her and how I would control my butterflies, and I just find it hard to stop thinking about it once I started afterwards. As I said, the fear I had of breaking up when we were together was that I wouldn't find someone like her again, a girl that I would get along so well, but I realized meanwhile that she wasn't as special as I was telling myself she was, I actually met some girls I get along even better and we are just friends, so it's not any of my wishes to have her back. I wouldn't even want any girlfriend right now, because as I said I focus on other things and wouldn't want to dedicate to another one again, as I like to dedicate a lot, being with this girl really made me focus less on other things I wanted to do. Maybe if a girl I would find acceptable would make all the effort to be with me I would accept it, because I see all these things as experiences that will help me more in the future, but I don't even know about that. So I just feel that while my mind is 100% sure on all that, even my heart is, but reminding me of her makes my heart send out the same emotions I felt when we were together. I know all of this will stop with time, but how can I stop myself from thinking/reminding me of her?

[FlaCooln]

I know it is cliché, but....Time heals all wounds. You are only 15 and this is just too much too quick for someone so young. Focus on school, your band, sports, and occupy your time. You will be infatuated with another girl before you know it. You really didn't know this girl, as how could you she doesn't even know herself. At that age in middle/high school people get together and break up faster than you can blink. I would stop analyzing all this and just let yourself move on.

Take it from a guy who is 31....at 15 (no offense) you don't know shit. But, this is a good thing you have plenty of time and life to live to figure it all out. You will look back on this and laugh at how young you really are.

[superpaul]

Haha, thanks for your response! Indeed, I had the illusion that (at 15) I found true love and I won't have to search for somebody else and everything. The thing is, in those 3 months I got myself so used to always thinking about her that I guess it just comes back, even now. I just want that to stop happening quicker.

[FlaCooln]

Haha, thanks for your response! Indeed, I had the illusion that (at 15) I found true love and I won't have to search for somebody else and everything. The thing is, in those 3 months I got myself so used to always thinking about her that I guess it just comes back, even now. I just want that to stop happening quicker.

It will, just give it some time. Just have fun and before you know it you will be like who was she again.