What to do this summer

[Obeyg1ant]

I'm in a relationship with this girl from my university. Summer break starts tomorrow and othe than occasional visists and skype conversations, we won't see each other for about 4 months. Now we're "together", but some dude ****ed her up and she's afraid of commitment. The walls close in on her aparently.

Now there's this kid she used to really like on and of for about 4 months. Right now, she likes me a lot more, but still kinda likes him. They are wicked good friends so they'll be seeing each other and texting a lot.

What can I do this summer to keep her liking me instead of the other dude? Like I don't want to come back next semester and have her tell me she likes the other kid more. I'm new to relationships, should I text her a lot, not a lot, skype a lot? How often should we see each other? We live 2 hours away, I was think around every other weekend to once a month or so.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

[pcmaster]

Common dude dont be dickhead and fight for chicks. You are the cock - chicks should be running after you not vice versa.. If they not that means they not the right chicks(maybe retarted?) and you should find emotionaly available girls. Distance+other dude = 2 red flags already. Also wth you should be one who visits? If she would be so interested then she will visit.

Shes afraid of commitment? Dude have some selfrespect. You getting only leftowers oh what other guy left after he fcked her up. Its called emotional cheating or something like that.

You get her invest in relationship as much as you or leave her. Its perfect to meet in the middle of the bridge. Otherwise you gona be the most attached and end up without her crying. Game is unfair to you already. She do the same for you as you for her or its not gona work. Saddly thats pretty much truth.

Here is guide how to get her chase you

youtube.com/watch?v=KriZHsiiYPg

My advice is enjoy the summer and be happy ! Fck everyone who is not ready for that !

[Actor01]

Hi Obeyg1ant. Your issue seems familiar to a 'relationship' i once had. I think you might have to ask yourself, 'do you really see yourself in this relationship 100%?'. From what you're saying it doesn't seem she is. You have to talk to her and find out where she's at and how shes feeling. Nothing better in a relationship than communication. About the summer and a new relationship, 4 months is a long time, especially when you are unsure about how shes feeling. You shouldn't force anything like making her like you and not the other guy. You should be you, and if thats not enough, then shes not right for you. It should be natural and the question like 'How often should we see each other?' should never come up. If you guys are both on the same level, it happens naturally. I hope this was some help...

[Obeyg1ant]

Ok, I made that sound pike she's really messed up and using me. Yaaa, she's a little messed up and I do feel like I like her more than she likes me, but she tells me all the time how she's so lucky she's with me and stuff. I'm not "rebound" to her, or at all. The dude who messed her up was from a while back and I am seeing slowly that she's getting better. Slowly, but shurly. I'm just her first real mutual relationship and she's my first ever.

I wouldn't say I'm getting leftovers. Also, I never said I'd be the only one to visit, we're both going to visit each other and stuff.

And yes, I do see my self in this relationship 100% and she does too. She just gets scared sometimes. Like one time I asked her to get dinner with me and she said yes, but later told me that she felt horrible. She was so aftaid/nervous about it that she just wanted to cry.

[pcmaster]

This is boring man. Where is the drama? How that other guy comes into play and why iis she afraid of commitment? Why she in friends with him? DO they used to be a bit more than friends? Why are ya worried about him? Would you trust him? Wht dont she likes you as much as you like her?

[Obeyg1ant]

The kid that she kinda likes still a bit is different from the one who messed her up. Ok, here's the short version of the story:

She was seeing this kid (kid A) who had her do stuff she wasn't ready for and pretty much treated her like shit and cheated on her. Then, a month later she met someone else (kid B). They started out friends and then became best friends, and within litterally like a month he started to REALLY like her but she didn't like him. Then for a month, she'd really like him but he didn't like her cuz she kept trying to push him away. She doesn't know why, but she tries pushing people away becuase she's scared of getting serious. Like she went to a party with kid B and ended up dancing with kid A cuz she knew that would piss kid B off. Them back and forth having feelings for each other went on for about 4 months maybe.

Now, while all of that was going on, she liked my roomate for a year and a half. He never liked her and only strung her around, cuz he's a douche and that makes him feel powerful. So one night, they did stuff when they were drunk and then he didn't talk to her for a week and that made her feel even shittier.

Then, we started liking each other. She chose me over the two of them. After maybe about a month and a half, she ended up blacking out and making out with him. I don't get drunk so idk, but she says she was so drunk she couldn't even move. Idk... So she tells me the next day that she kissed him for two reasons: 1, she liked him, and 2, she thinks that was her drunken way of trying to push me away like she has tried to in the past. Now the morning after they kissed, she was still still drunk, but they got into a huge fight and she was pissed at him for kissing her and stuff like that. She felt like a whore and it actually kinda made her depressed. She was so god damn sad ALL the time.

She can't control herself when she drinks vodka, so she now drinks straight up beer so something like that doesn't happen again. She also has one of my buddys kinda bodyguard her just incase she gets too out of control.

So now, it's been a month since that's happened and she tells me that she does still like the kid, but she likes me a lot more

It's a shitty situation, and I'm beta as **** for staying, yatta yatta yatta, but I still want to stay so please don't tell me how I should leave her. If she ends up kissing him or anyone again, I think ai'm going to leave, but for now I'm over it.

I just need advice on how not to **** this up this summer and have her somehow have stronger feelings for the other kid.

[Actor01]

Sometimes whats best for you, is not what you want to hear. This girl seems to be very insecure after what has happened and I personally dont think she's ready for a relationship. If someone can blame alcohol for their wrong doings, then this isn't the last time it will happen. You seem like a really nice guy, and maybe that is why she can go and 'have fun' at parties and like another guy because she knows that you are there for her, so if anything bad happens, she comes running back to you. You say it is your first relationship, so I guess you might have to dive straight in, and see what happens. I think the lessons you learn in your first relationship are priceless, even if you end up heart-broken.

You can't base everything on this summer. You can't affect the way she feels for someone else. Don't you think its a bit weird that you have to work to get this girl to like you more than him? That doesn't sound like she's in 100% to me.

[pcmaster]

Well man shes sure is insecure girl. Kissing with random guys looks like lack of self aproval. So once she get that attention from other guys she feels better and more valuable. She wouldnt need that kat and mice games if she were secure. What you can do is be sure about yourself and infect her with that. Be source of strenght. If you start doubt about her she will start to doubt in herself too and it will lead to attention seeking no matter from who. Even more she might not like herself that much thats why its hard for her to believe that someone can truly like her. Its better to just push guys away dont get attached to them so when they leave it wont hurt so much. Thats might be what shes thinking. What you can do for her is apreciate her for who she is, tell every single thing why you like her. Say how beautiful she is. Every day. If you be honest and tell her whats awesome about her she will feel more accepted and there will not be need for seeking aproval elswhere.

[Obeyg1ant]

I think for the most part you are right, but one thing I should mention a bit more clearly is that she's really messed up. I don't know half of the stuff she's gone through, but her dad's a bipolar alcoholic and that cuased her parent's divorce. For the past 8 years she's never lived in an apartment for longer than ) months, her and her mom and sister constantly move around town to different places. She's been helping to pay rent since she was 12. When she goes home, she'll be working 2 internships and a few jobs. She'll be woking 65-70 hours a week. She's litterally addicted to working, she hates just doing nothing.

She has major trust issues and is EXTREMELY independent. Everytime I use her car for something and I put in a mesely 5 bucks in her tank, she says she's thankful (and obviously she really is) but we had a long talk last night and it actually really bothers her. She realises that stupid stuff like that shouldn't upset her and she doesn't need to be so independant but she is and she's working on it.

I honestly know that this relationship probably isn't worth it to me. I get hurt almost as much as I can handle. I know that this relationship will only be worth it to me if it unlikely pans out, and in the end I'll most definately be hurt really bad. We've only been seeing each other for 2 and a half months, but if we don't stay together ai honestly think that I'll be hurt more than ever. I'm a huge pussy.

I talked to her last night, and she "loves" kid B as a friend, but does not really have feelings for him anymore. The reason why she kissed him a month ago was not becuase she liked him, but becuase she drunkenly tried pushing me away. Again, she does that.

And you are right, she is not really ready for a relationship. She was depressed for weeks about a month ago and she said that she wanted to be with me, but wants tospend a few weeks focusing on her. She always said, "If you can't love yourself, you can't love someone else". She says to me now that I'm hers and she's mine, we are in a relationship, but there are just no titles. She's not ready for that yet.

And about the "I'm a nice guy so she can do stuff" thing, I think you are kind of right. I feel like she is almost taking advantage of me at times becuase whe can, but not to be an asshole. There's no way she realises that she's taking advantage of me, if she did she'd stop. I onow her well enough to say that. And honestly kid B is even nicer than I am so I'm not the guy that is the "nice frienzoned guy who she falls back on". He's that guy. He's her "rock" as she says. Idk, it's something from Grey's Anatomy or some other tv show. He's the kid she gets mad at for no reason otyer than she's stressed out and he's the one she vents to. She vents to me too, but he's just kindof "that guy".

Anyways though, I realise that this relationship isn't in my best interest and I can't control things, but that's not the advice ai'm looking for here. Even though it's probably the advice I really need. I'm pretty much just asking like, how often should I text/skype her, how often should we meet this summer, is there a such thing as seeing each other too often, etc. stuff like that. I can't control every aspect of her feelings, but I just don't want to **** up is all.

Thanks for all the replys so far, and sorry for all the gramatical errors, I'm on my phone.

[Obeyg1ant]

Well man shes sure is insecure girl. Kissing with random guys looks like lack of self aproval. So once she get that attention from other guys she feels better and more valuable. She wouldnt need that kat and mice games if she were secure. What you can do is be sure about yourself and infect her with that. Be source of strenght. If you start doubt about her she will start to doubt in herself too and it will lead to attention seeking no matter from who. Even more she might not like herself that much thats why its hard for her to believe that someone can truly like her. Its better to just push guys away dont get attached to them so when they leave it wont hurt so much. Thats might be what shes thinking. What you can do for her is apreciate her for who she is, tell every single thing why you like her. Say how beautiful she is. Every day. If you be honest and tell her whats awesome about her she will feel more accepted and there will not be need for seeking aproval elswhere.

I know for a fact about her kissing other guys as self approval is not the reason becuase she kissed him to push me away. However, I think you are right about everything else. When she was depressed, she would always make comments about people are dumb for getting attached to each other and stuff. Like once we were watching Definately Maybe and the little girl blurts out a statistic of how many people commit suicide on a bridge in NYC over ended relationships. She said something like "and that's why you don't let yourself get attached". Literally spot on about that. I already tell her how beutiful she is and every time she's like " omg, thank you so much I really needed that today" or "i don't know why u think I'm so beutiful" stuff like that.

[pcmaster]

Well see her as often as you like, you should take from relationship what you want. She will feel only appreciated to be needed.

Anyway she understand whats wrong with her confidence and that means there is chance for her. She says that "If you can't love yourself, you can't love someone else" - I think you can but the biggest problem would be with taking love that's offered because of not feeling worth it.

Call me idiot but I don't see kid B as dangerous guy anymore. She might be over him just using him like emotional tampon, giving him all kind of shit emotions that she wont give you in order to not push you way. However would be cool for you if she had a girlfriends for that aswell.
And its good that you are pussy - that means you have a heart. Just treat her like any other girl because that's who she is and go for what you want(that's really attractive to women). As long as you respect her nothing is too much. Also feel free to express full range of emotions cause that's what makes women addicted. Also don't hold back when expressing your best feelings. Thats very important too. It doesn't matter what the problems is as long as you not afraid they are to be overcome.

Theres no happines in easy life. Happines is to be won over fights. Thats when it worth something. When you are earn your happines, recieve it as a price. Thats when its worth something then you can feel real happy.

As long as you know you want her in your life for a very long time its worth the fight.





This might help with being a pussy

"Wow... he let me treat him this way, he let me do this to him. He is afraid to be man, if he lets me do this thing to him, what else will he let me do? Will he protect me when I need him? Maybe not, if he is afraid to put me in my place. How can he protect me from another man when I need him? He is not the secure guy I thought. He looks weak to me. I can manipulate him now to do what I want him to do. I can get away with anything now. I can do what I want. I'm in control of things now. He is not. He will jump through my hoops. I can tell him what to do. How can I take him seriously anymore when he won't stand up to me? He is not a challenge, maybe I need to look for another guy. His insecure behavior really disgusts me. He is not a man that I need. I have to let him go. I need another guy. He is gone, we are over."

[Actor01]

You're not a pussy. Just a guy that has fallen for a girl. Girls can do that to guys . Well you said it yourself, in the summer she's going to be crazy busy. Work around that. When shes's free, meet up. Give a little text so when she's on her break she can have a nice read. Give her something to smile about during her busy days. You don't have to go crazy with the texting, just something letting her know that you're thinking about her. She will be tired most days i'm sure, so arrange some skype days. Don't have to do it everyday by all means. I had a relationship which involved a lot of Skype-ing, and everyday got a bit too much with us being so tired and conversations getting a bit forced. Sometimes you just want to do nothing after a busy day at work. Then when you have a bit of time, maybe surprise her at work, take her out for lunch. or just arrange when you guys are both off to do some nice activity to get both your minds off boring work. I hope that helps a bit