Is a hyper/bubbly/happy girl a big turn-off for guys???

[edpjrr]

I'm very bubbly,hyper,overly happy about little things (sometimes),energetic and humorous. But I'm not an attention seeker.It's just easy for me to open up to the others and be myself. When I talk to my friends, I laugh a lot(especially when I find something funny) and can be very loud cos I feel very comfortable with them.I'm happy then I laugh. It's just like a reflex.

Some of my friends/colleagues (all of them are women) have given me 'advice' and have told me I'm loud.They thought the way I laugh can scare guys away and I should be more self-composed.They even told me,"If you could act more self-composed,then you would be much more appealing to guys cos most guys like girls who are self-composed.If you could be more self-composed,then you would have more options when it comes to dating"...yada yada yada........OMG!I only laugh out loud in the right time,right place and with the right people.I never laugh out loud at my workplace or in front of my clients. I never laugh out loud in front of guys who I really want to date.To be honest,I'm fed up with all these comments. How do they know most guys don't like hyper girls? Did they ever do a research on this topic?! Why would they assume every single man or person is into the same people?!We all have a different taste in women or men. If we all would have loved the same face-type or person, then it would have been chaos!Everyone would have been fighting over one person and most people would have never gone on a date or got married. This is common sense! It gets on my nerves that they impose their own standard on me! I hope they're not trying to ruin my self-esteem or put me down!

Love or relationship is all about caring,respect,tolerate and happiness. Loud and quiet are just something apparent!If a guy likes me enough,he won't give a s*** about whether I'm loud or quiet.He would love me and accept me for WHO I am.

All of my friends who gave me these "advice" are Chinese.I'm not a racist cos I'm also Chinese though I've lived in England for years.
What do you think? Do you think it has something to do with ethnic group and cultural difference?

Thank you!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

It's a preference. Some guys will be very turned off by that behavior and demeanor. Many of them won't be. Loud people can be very annoying, but you shouldn't have to change something so basic about yourself. There are plenty of loud, obnoxious guys out there too, and I'm sure they wouldn't mind.

[smackie9]

Listen to your co-workers....they have been trying to handle this in a delicate manner as possible as to not offend you. I'm not one of them so I will tell it to you straight....over bearing loud people can be very annoying and yes they find you annoying at times to the point of embarrassment. You don't notice it because this is normal for you to be....sorry but for your own sake, learn to tone it down. I bet you will see people start to be more relaxed around you, rather than promptly excusing themselves to get out of the area.....just something to chew on.

[edpjrr]

Listen to your co-workers....they have been trying to handle this in a delicate manner as possible as to not offend you. I'm not one of them so I will tell it to you straight....over bearing loud people can be very annoying and yes they find you annoying at times to the point of embarrassment. You don't notice it because this is normal for you to be....sorry but for your own sake, learn to tone it down. I bet you will see people start to be more relaxed around you, rather than promptly excusing themselves to get out of the area.....just something to chew on.

"I bet you will see people start to be more relaxed around you, rather than promptly excusing themselves to get out of the area"<---sorry,you've missed the point. I never said people are not relaxed around me. Instead,they are very comfortable around me and we get along very well.I have a lot of friends and they love my laughter.But they told me,"I'm your friend and I love your laughter..but the way you laugh can scare guys away when it comes to dating"

[VincenzoG91]

"I bet you will see people start to be more relaxed around you, rather than promptly excusing themselves to get out of the area"<---sorry,you've missed the point. I never said people are not relaxed around me. Instead,they are very comfortable around me and we get along very well.I have a lot of friends and they love my laughter.But they told me,"I'm your friend and I love your laughter..but the way you laugh can scare guys away when it comes to dating"

You're doing it again. You bring up a potential problem here, and then when we try to talk to you about it, you deny that there is a problem. Why don't you just tell us what you want to hear, and then somebody can say it and then you can giggle and be happy. Not that there is anything inherently wrong with giggly and happy, as long as it isn't constant.

[smackie9]

Your response tells me that another part of your personality is you are sensitive to others opinions and can get defensive......and this would be a reason why people are carefully choosing their words and how they approach you on this subject. You are not liking what they have told you so much so you needed to come here to find others to agree with you.

[Valixy]

I suppose it does depend of everyone's tastes. I remember being introduced once to a couple and being warned before that they were a little bit loud but nice people. We had dinner in small, rather quiet restaurant and they were indeed a little bit loud especially for that place. They spoke louder than anyone else sometimes and laughed a lot and made a few heads turn but I found them to be a lovely entertaining company. At the end of the evening I was actually impressed by the girl's extroverted carefree personality.

A few months later, this couple broke up and in a conflicting way. I found out then that she had a drug addiction and couldn't start a day without taking something and she kept needing drugs during the day. I was disappointed...the charming unique personality she had shown was just a fake facade.

I personally don't find people that are a little bit louder than usual uncomfortable as long as that is their real personality It shouldn't be a problem for dating either, in my opinion.

[haxan]

Loud and obnoxious guys call themselves alpha males for some reason. Maybe you're an alpha female?

[basilandthyme]

As a loud Western woman who has worked for an Asian business, I completely understand where your friends are coming from. I know that when I worked there, I stood out like a sore thumb - and not in a good way.

If you're wanting an Asian guy - judging by the men and women I worked with - you probably do have to tone it down somewhat. However, if you're open to having a guy from any culture - then you'll find that there are cultures who don't mind 'noisy' and 'bubbly' at all.

[michelle23]

This reminds me of my aunt. Shes hyper, bubbly, loud, laughs a lot etc but everyone loves her. We have so much fun and shes normally the life and soul of the party. I think your friends are always trying to change you OP. Tell them to piss off!

Theres nothing wrong with being yourself

[Wakeup]

Well it's nice to tell people what they want to hear but it doesn't do them any good if it stagnates them in the predicament that they are in. Apparently there IS something wrong with being herself and her co-workers have tried, as smackie has said to tell her with diplomacy.

Their constructive criticism isn't a bad thing, edpjrr. Don't dismiss it entirely.

[smackie9]

Maybe this isn't about you finding a man, maybe your co-workers are using that as a decoy, and really would like you to tone it down a little around them. After all Asians (not Americanized) do have trouble on how they interact with Caucasian people ( This has been my and several people I know have experienced since we live in the Hongcouver area).

[michelle23]

im not telling her what she wants to hear. i think its ridiculous to tell someone not to bloody laugh out loud. people who laugh a lot are delightful to be around. my family are loud people especially when there all together and nobody cares. im quiet in general compared to the rest of them but still really enjoy their company.

OP are you rude, arragont, vulgar? or do you just enjoy joking and laughing without offending anyone?

do you think they have a point in what they are saying or are they being over the top? you know these people and yourself better than we do

[Wakeup]

Whatever: I just think it's rather unusual for people to offer suchs kinds of contructive criticism just to hear themselves talk. There must be a pretty good reason why they've volunteered their opinion.

[michelle23]

these are the same people who told her to change her glasses and her style, to wear makeup etc etc. if she wanted to change she would have done so by now