Need advice when if comes to intimacy with my boyfriend

[quelinda2]

I started dating my boyfriend 5 months ago. We started dating when I was pregnant and so thats was why he said we were not having sex of any kind. We had sex only four times while I was pregnant. After I had the baby we had to wait a little while before sex. Once I gave him the okay he still was not making any moves on me. I know he is attracted to me so its not that. We have only had sex 2 times since I had the baby and every time I bring this up he seems to get mad at me. So the first excuse was no sex because I was pregnant and it was difficult, then it was because he doesn't want a relationship based on sex, then because he wanted to be more comfortable, he said he also respects me and does not view me as some ****. When I try to make a move on him he denies me and sometimes gets mad even if I can see he is hard or turned on he still wont do it for whatever reason. I have various thoughts as to why this may be but I need advice on what I should do? How to make this better and actually get him to have sex with me? Help please I love him and everything else with us is amazing its just this one thing that is really lacking.

[searock]

I think you should tell him that sex is a normal, necessary part of any healthy, happy relationship. Tell him having sex doesn't make you "some whore". Tell him you don't intend to be in a sexless relationship, so he better let you know if that's what he plans to have, so that you can leave before going any further.

[basilandthyme]

Searock is right - you need to talk with him about it. And be very firm about your needs..

However, I'm going to take it a little further and suggest that talking isn't going to change things. If he wanted sex, you'd be having it already. One way or another, you're going to have to decide how important sex is to you. Personally, I'd be walking away....

[quelinda2]

We have talked about it a ton and it doesnt change anything. He is a really good guy who loves me and my child so I do not want to let him go over this...I was hoping I could work with him some how...

[Wakeup]

Just how long have you known this guy?

[quelinda2]

Just how long have you known this guy?

I have known him since highschool but I never talked to him...so really knowing him in the sense of talking six months.

[Wakeup]

And you just had a baby from another guy? Why don't you stop any type of relationship at the moment and just concentrate on taking care of your baby and your body? You have other far more important things to consider now then why your most current admirer doesn't want to have sex with you.

Seriously. Priorities my dear. This guy doesn't sound like he is the right life partner for you either so just forget about boyzzz for the time being and be the mother you've become to your new baby.

P.S. You do know you can get pregnant again if you're not using birth control, right?

[quelinda2]

I a on birthcontrol and we use condoms. I started dating him while I was pregnant. I was not planning on dating anyone but he was so persistent and then I fell in love with him. I do not want to break up I want to fix the problem. My child is my #1 priority in life everything I do is for my child. He is my boyfriend not a random guy who likes me. I want to be with him long term.

And you just had a baby from another guy? Why don't you stop any type of relationship at the moment and just concentrate on taking care of your baby and your body? You have other far more important things to consider now then why your most current admirer doesn't want to have sex with you.

Seriously. Priorities my dear. This guy doesn't sound like he is the right life partner for you either so just forget about boyzzz for the time being and be the mother you've become to your new baby.

P.S. You do know you can get pregnant again if you're not using birth control, right?

[Wakeup]

You've been dating him five months. Please be realistic you may have known him in highschool but you don't know him enough to know that you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Maybe you do but I'm thinking thats got more to do with security and hormonal fluctuation then actual love? Did you think you wanted to spend your life with your baby daddy too?

You've just discovered that you're currently sexually incompatible. I don't know what to tell someone how to fix mis-matched libidos when you've only been in a relationship for such a short period of time. Your relationship is poor timing with a new baby and all and that very well may be the issue.

How old are you? Also: You said you had thoughts on why he's not wanting sex.. what are your thoughts?

[quelinda2]

You've been dating him five months. Please be realistic you may have known him in highschool but you don't know him enough to know that you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Maybe you do but I'm thinking thats got more to do with security and hormonal fluctuation then actual love? Did you think you wanted to spend your life with your baby daddy too?

You've just discovered that you're currently sexually incompatible. I don't know what to tell someone how to fix mis-matched libidos when you've only been in a relationship for such a short period of time. Your relationship is poor timing with a new baby and all and that very well may be the issue.

How old are you? Also: You said you had thoughts on why he's not wanting sex.. what are your thoughts?

I did not think I was going to be with the babies father. I was just trying to ask for help...

[Wakeup]

Well, I'll leave your thread, quelinda because I've never heard of a couple of only five months not wanting to have sex with one another at least once a day if they have the opportunity. I'm hesitant to say that I think he's taken on too much responsibility and he doesn't want to get any further emotionally involved but it sounds like it could be a reason. Or: He wants you to get your body healed more before he gets more intimate. Its very odd that he's getting aroused and he still won't be intimate with you. I think you'd be better off with not seeing him for a while and getting on with your life with the baby. Maybe he'll come around if he learns to miss you.

Good luck.

[quelinda2]

Well, I'll leave your thread, quelinda because I've never heard of a couple of only five months not wanting to have sex with one another at least once a day if they have the opportunity. I'm hesitant to say that I think he's taken on too much responsibility and he doesn't want to get any further emotionally involved but it sounds like it could be a reason. Or: He wants you to get your body healed more before he gets more intimate. Its very odd that he's getting aroused and he still won't be intimate with you. I think you'd be better off with not seeing him for a while and getting on with your life with the baby. Maybe he'll come around if he learns to miss you.

Good luck.

Thank you for your input.

[searock]

We have talked about it a ton and it doesnt change anything. He is a really good guy who loves me and my child so I do not want to let him go over this...I was hoping I could work with him some how...

Maybe I wasn't clear enough. What I meant is that you should tell him that either he starts having regular sex with you (as should happen in any healthy relationship), or you will break up with him. Give him a week to think about it, then demand an answer and if he doesn't give one, or gives a negative one, just leave.

[michelle23]

Maybe this guy is asexual or gay. Maybe he saw a pregnant lady and thought "perfect-no sex" or maybe the birth of the baby traumatized him and hes scared of sex or maybe hes not into you or maybe he is very religious and conservative or maybe hes afraid youll get pregnant again.

Anyway whatever the reason, 5 months in, honeymoon period where most people would be at it like rabbits but your not getting any-Id say its time to move on.

Its not supposed to be this complicated and when it is-its just a sign that you shouldnt be together.

[HDBadger]

You just had a baby from another guy and are probably still carrying around weight from the pregnancy...and you wonder why he doesn't want to have sex with you?